Word-Of-the-Week #1049: Obstacle
September 12, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1049: Obstacle
Obstacle – something that stands in the way of or holds up progress.
Have you ever let a temporary setback stop you from moving forward?
Steve Strauss, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, once again has great insight to share.
Distinction: Obstacle vs. Barrier
(Distinctions are subtleties of language that, when gotten, cause a shift in a belief, behavior, value or attitude.)
This is a simple distinction. Easy to implement with immediate payback.
A Barrier stops you permanently. You are a victim of it. Game over. Don’t even try. Example: You’re 49 years old, 4’11” and have always wanted to play in the NBA. Desire, effort, and assistance can’t overcome a barrier. Know thyself.
An Obstacle is a temporary setback. Over, under, around or through, there is a way. You may need to unlearn something! (Incorrect beliefs can be obstacles.) You may need assistance. You may need to let go of an outcome you have been headed toward in order to focus energy on the outcome the obstacle currently blocks.
The simplicity of this Distinction is in self-awareness. Only let real barriers be barriers. If they are, move on.
The trick is to never let an obstacle masquerade as a barrier. Many people bump into an obstacle, think it’s a barrier and quit. They don’t even try.
A really good technique is to focus on the outcome you want rather than the obstacle. Focusing on the outcome surfaces solutions, sometimes almost magical solutions.
Coaching Point: What’s an obstacle in your life right now?
See all past issues and subscribe here Steve’s 3-Minute Coaching
— Copyright 2024 Steve Straus. All rights reserved. —
This week’s focus is on an obstacle vs a barrier, Have you ever let an obstacle masquerade as a barrier? How easy is it for you to stay focused on the outcome you want?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1048: Focus
September 5, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1048: Focus
Focus – close attention and concentration.
Do you have the confidence to try something you haven’t tried before? How quickly do you bounce back from life’s setbacks?
This week features Phil Blair’s Union Tribune article, “Making the most out of positive thinking in life and in work.” Focus on the good, improve on the negative, and help others to be better versions of themselves.
We’ve all suffered from procrastination in one form or another. It’s important to figure out the reasons for your procrastination. Some people find a particular task or job aimed toward attaining a goal unpleasant, and that becomes the source of their avoidance. Here are three instant strategies to help you out: Recently, I was asked to deliver the “inspirational moment” at the Rotary Club that I belong to.
I wrote my remarks and was prepared to give my presentation, which usually takes about two minutes.
But that morning we learned that one of our longtime members, Pat Crowell, had just passed away. We were aware that Pat hadn’t been feeling well, but we weren’t expecting this news.
When I started thinking about him, I realized that he was the perfect example of always being upbeat, fun and jovial. Pat was always the first person with a joke, a compliment or an inspiring story of someone helping someone else.
Anyone who spent any amount of time with him came away happier and with a more positive attitude about life.
I dedicated my inspirational moment to him and his wonderfully positive life. I kept my tribute within the time frame, but I could’ve gone on much longer.
My favorite takeaway from having Pat Crowell in my life is to focus on the good, improve on the negative, and help others to be better versions of themselves, just as he did so well and for so long.
As much as possible, I try to surround myself with people who make me happy, make me feel good about life, and make me feel like I want to do more to help others.
I’m an unabashed optimist because I believe that having a positive attitude brings out the best in us, even in life’s most challenging situations.
Recently I was at a concert with a wonderful friend who had recently lost her husband. She made a point of saying that being with friends helped her cope.
As she told me, “I’ve always been up for trying something new, whatever it is, and now I’m ready to move my life in a different direction. I can’t wait to see where it takes me.”
Life can be difficult at times, and we need to acknowledge that and be patient with ourselves to work through issues at our own pace. Coping with such a loss isn’t a “snap-your-fingers” moment that will suddenly zap a downcast attitude.
But there’s no doubt that learning how to bounce back from life’s setbacks is much easier with a positive attitude.
Realizing positive results takes time
On a much lighter note, sometimes realizing those positive results takes time, like when I was in high school, and I tried to learn how to play the guitar.
I enjoyed my weekly lessons until my teacher insisted that I had to practice a minimum of one hour a day, every day, which was more than I wanted to do.
For years afterward, I could only play “Happy Birthday” because I’d given up way too soon.
While I still can’t play the guitar, those lessons did get me interested in music, and when I was in my 40s, I decided to take piano lessons. I’m no virtuoso, but I enjoy playing.
Now, I’m ready to take Italian lessons, which has long been on my “why-not-give-it-a-try” bucket list.
The confidence to try something new
Having a positive attitude gives me – and you – the confidence to try something that we haven’t tried before.
Two of my favorite quotes are, “If you don’t ask the question, the answer is always no.” And I don’t hesitate to ask questions or make requests by saying to myself, “All they can do is say no, but at least I tried.”
I feel the same way about anyone who’s applying for a job, a raise, or a promotion. Ideally, of course, the answer is “yes.”
But if the answer is “no,” it becomes a learning experience, and you’ll likely learn what you should do differently – or better – next time.
Take the initiative, be proactive. Don’t wait for something good to happen to you.
Keep your “why-not-give-it-a-try” bucket list filled. Add to it often.
And always have a “can-do” attitude about your life.
I’m positive about that.
Blair is co-founder of Manpower Staffing and can be reached at mailto:pblair@manpowersd.com.
This week’s all about focusing on the good. Are you willing to help others to be better versions of themselves? Do you take the initiative and proactively work to make things happen? Are you able to stay positive when facing challenges?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1047: Regard
August 29, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1047: Regard
Regard – having qualities that bring about a favorable regard: pleasant, agreeable.
Do you know people who think they are smarter and better than everyone? Are you considerate and respectful of others in your life?
This week is the 2nd half from Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor who shared “10 Things Incredibly Likable People Never, Ever Do (and Why You Love Them for It)” What you do can make you extremely likable. So can what you choose not to do, by Jeff Haden from Inc.
To Recap: Some people are incredibly likable because of the things they do. Some people are incredibly charismatic because of the things they do.
And some people are incredibly likable because of the things they don’t do.
If you know someone who possesses the following qualities, share this with them—and also tell them how much you appreciate the fact they are in your life.
- They don’t blame.
- They don’t control.
- They don’t try to impress.
- They don’t cling.
- They don’t interrupt.
- They don’t whine.
Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better.
If something is wrong, don’t waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you’ll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now.
Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talk about how you’ll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.
And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don’t be just the shoulder they cry on.
Friends don’t let friends whine. Friends help friends make their lives better.
- They don’t criticize.
Yeah, you’re more educated. Yeah, you’re more experienced. Yeah, you’ve been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons.
That doesn’t make you smarter, or better, or more insightful.
That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind—but in the end, just you.
Just like everyone else.
Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you’ll see people—and yourself—in a better light.
- They don’t preach.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything and to tell people everything you think you know.
When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don’t listen.
And they don’t want to be around you.
- They don’t live in the past.
The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.
Then let it go.
Easier said than done? (Even Troy Aikman struggles with this, but in a really good way.) It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn’t know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding.
The past is just training; it doesn’t define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.
- They don’t let fear hold them back.
We’re all afraid, of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us.
So it’s easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives.
Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by.
And so do our dreams.
Don’t let your fears hold you back. Whatever you’ve been planning, whatever you’ve imagined, whatever you’ve dreamed of, get started on it today.
If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step.
Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything.
Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.
Today is the most precious asset you own—and is the one thing you should truly fear … wasting.
This week’s focus is regard. Are you able to fix things quickly if something goes wrong? If someone makes a mistake, can you see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding? Are you ready to let go of fears and get your plans and dreams started today?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1046: Likable
August 22, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1046: Likable
Likable – having qualities that bring about a favorable regard: pleasant, agreeable.
How would you rate yourself on being pleasant and agreeable? Do you have a need to be in control of other people?
This week Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor shared this “10 Things Incredibly Likable People Never, Ever Do (and Why You Love Them for It)” What you do can make you extremely likable. So can what you choose not to do, by Jeff Haden from Inc. I’m featuring the first half.
Some people are incredibly likable because of the things they do. Some people are incredibly charismatic because of the things they do.
And some people are incredibly likable because of the things they don’t do.
If you know someone who possesses the following qualities, share this with them—and also tell them how much you appreciate the fact they are in your life.
- They don’t blame.
Friends make mistakes. Employees don’t meet your expectations. Vendors don’t deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you’re also to blame. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon. Maybe you weren’t as good a friend as you could have been.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic; it’s empowering, because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
- They don’t control.
Yeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure—none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
- They don’t try to impress.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things, but that doesn’t mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll form genuine relationships only when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
- They don’t cling.
When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness; it’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
- They don’t interrupt.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”
Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.
They’ll love you for it—and you’ll love how that makes you feel.
This week’s focus is being likable. Do you take responsibility when things don’t go as planned? Are you a good listener? Do you have genuine relationships and comfortable being just your true self?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1045: Possibility
August 15, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1045: Possibility
Possibility – capability of existing or happening or being true.
Do you allow yourself the space to dream? Can you imagine that noticing joy may help you discern what you love?
This week features excerpts from “Joy is more than a feeling. Listen to what it’s telling you,” CNN Opinion piece by Tess Taylor.
“There’s a poem from Mary Oliver I’ve been meditating on lately: “If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. There are plenty of lives and towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back … better than all the riches and power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. … Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
Joy is not made to be a crumb. That’s a sentence I savor — it reminds me that joy is maybe so much bigger than we often let it be. It’s no crumb but the whole pie, the full nutty loaf, the full raucous potluck. Joy might be the meal that sustains us. Noticing joy can be a guiding force, helping us name what matters in our lives. Joy, Oliver suggests, helps us discern what we love, and, just maybe, helps us figure out how we want to live.
In the middle of difficult years, I’ve been so grateful to occasionally have the assignment here to write about joy. It’s been, in some ways, a sidelong project in truly challenging years. Don’t get me wrong: Not all of my writing here has been joyful. Far from it. I’ve covered wildfires, more wildfires, what to do when smoke fills the sky for days.
I’ve written about pandemic unsettlement and school shootings, and my deep sadness — as a kid who was once threatened with a gun in her own school — that we haven’t made the world less dangerous for our kids. And during these difficult years, I’ve grieved plenty — about environmental destruction, racial violence, the specter of eroded civil rights.
But in the middle of that, this space has also offered me a chance to celebrate about the weird, the whimsical, the unexpectedly sustaining. I’ve gotten to write about the delightful attitudes of backyard chickens, the experience of filling a lawn with native plants. I’ve written about the art of unplugging, social media sabbaticals and finding practical ways to connect, re-route, take the long view. I’ve had the chance to write about rest — something which, by nature, is linked to joy. (It is hard to be truly joyful when we are not rested.) In the process I began to think about how windows of both rest and joy might offer some antidote to our culture’s chronic fury: space to reset, process, unplug and forgive.
Most importantly, amid wildfires, epidemics and guns, and alongside the occasional backyard chicken, I’ve also had the chance to write about poetry. I want to be clear: writing about joy, attention and unplugging aren’t separate from writing about poetry. These things interweave. In a fractured, often violent culture, engaging with poetry is also a way to rest, reset and reroute. Poetry is a way — despite all — to notice delight.
It’s been a head-spinning political summer. There has been civic violence and gun violence and assassination attempts and intense heat and the sudden retirement of one candidate and the ascent of another. There’s a lot on the line this fall. We all have a lot to talk about. We have big decisions to make. As we do: I wonder if grounding in joy might help us plot a way forward.
I think that’s because joy can be an excellent teacher. As a teacher of poetry, when I lead a workshop, I ask that my poetry students not begin with critique. It’s always easy to say what you don’t like about something, easy to point out why it might not work. Instead, when students read each other’s new poems, I ask that each new reader name a delight. We anchor in pleasure — a word or a funny moment, the music of a slant rhyme. Focusing on delight helps a writer to know what to do more of. It helps a reader find out where their sensibilities lie. We are better off learning to write and imagine towards what delights us than trying to skirt the edges of what might not.
So here’s a final thought: What if we take this out of the writing classroom — or out of the poetry column — and into our lives? As we face down the questions of coming months, what might centering rest, delight, joy and even a bit of poetry bring to the process?
It’s telling, for instance, that one of the signs that Kamala Harris might be an awesome candidate is that right now, she helps us imagine a world where we are happy and happier together. She seems, well, joyful. As much as I love Harris, (and I really do), the end of this column is not really about her. It’s about the fact that it’s important to discover our joy. When we find that joy, it’s important to savor it. And it’s important to let that joy point us toward naming the big dreams about what our lives might feel like.
Perhaps sometimes we find a little space for that in a column about chickens, or in a reminder that it’s really, really okay to rest, or to say no once in a while. And perhaps sometimes we find that by making space to read words that allow us to daydream, breathe, see beauty, reconnect to our bodies and to one another.
Here’s what else: We can hope that out of that space there’s more space.
Hopefully we find room for less fury, more hip hop; less negativity, more laughter; more freedom to explore and wonder; more space to see the dignity in ourselves and one another; more space to know in our bones that our diversity makes us stronger. Maybe that’s partly what our conversation has been about — to keep proposing, even in these harrowing years, that we have space to dream, and that we can work towards repair; that there is, even now, a future where we can delight in one another, where we can savor both art and our lives.”
This week’s focus is on possibility. When was the last time you felt joy? Do you know what delights you? How would it feel to find space to rest, reset, process, unplug and forgive?
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