Word-Of-the-Week #2005: Gaslighting
October 23, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #2005: Gaslighting
Gaslighting – manipulating (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.
Has anyone in your life ever made you doubt yourself? Do you trust your instincts and intuition?
Do you know who Betty Broderick is? We watched the Netflix miniseries and one expert witness claimed that her husband had been gaslighting her for years. Then I had a conversation with a neighbor who spoke about being gaslighted. That felt pretty eerie since it was in the same week!
So I chose this week to feature “What is Gaslighting? This type of psychological abuse leaves survivors questioning every memory they have.”
You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.
You’re just being emotional.
That never happened—you’re imagining it.
Any of these accusations alone could drive a person crazy, but when they’re part of a regular barrage of criticism aimed at controlling an individual, they’re more than rude—they’re abusive.
Called “gaslighting,” this type of abuse uses statements like the above to create doubt in a person’s mind by making them think, basically, that they’re going insane, says Janie McMahan, licensed marriage and family therapist.
The name comes from a ‘30s play called Gas Light in which the main character attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights in their home, which were powered by gas, and then denies the lights are changing. (Then the movie version was released in 1944 with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer.)
This type of psychological abuse is part of the power and control found in domestic abuse, says McMahan. “Gaslighting makes [survivors] doubt themselves and not see the real issue, which is that they’re being abused.” It’s not uncommon that, after a while, a survivor will start to think, “Well, is this right? Am I really not justified in feeling this way?” says McMahan.
McMahan remembers sitting at dinner one night with a friend and her boyfriend, who was known to be emotionally abusive. “He called her ‘an f-ing bitch,’” remembers McMahan. When his girlfriend called him out on it, he replied earnestly with, “I didn’t say anything. You must be hearing things.”
Gaslighting is often found in conjunction with other types of abuse, such as physical or verbal. Abusers may try to convince the survivor that what they remember happening, in fact, never did. Or, abusers will ask their partners, “Why can’t you just get over it?”
McMahan says gaslighting may also come at the start of a relationship. Abusers want their partners to begin doubting themselves from the get-go. “They [survivors] begin thinking they’re a little bit ‘off,’ emotionally and mentally,” says McMahan. Essentially, they begin thinking they can’t trust their instincts. Their self-esteem can plummet. They feel less than the other person—less intelligent, less capable. McMahan says it can lead to the survivor not having a sense of self, believing they no longer have an identity or a voice. “It keeps them in these relationships,” McMahan says.
Lastly, know that gaslighting is a type of manipulation, says McMahan, and anyone can fall victim. “It happens across the board. It can happen to men and those in same sex relationships. Gaslighting is very subtle. It’s not until you’re pretty deep into it that you realize it.”
This week’s focus is looking for any signs of gaslighting. Has anyone in your life ever made you doubt yourself? Or told you that you overreact and/or are too emotional? Do you trust your instincts and intuition?
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Word-Of-the-Week #2004: Friendship
October 16, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #2004: Friendship
Friendship – a relationship of mutual affection between people.
How good are you at maintaining contact with your friends? How does it make you feel when your friends reach out to you?
This week features another great WOW from Sam Horn.
ANECDOTE
A few months ago, I read an article in The Atlantic Daily about why it’s crucial to keep friendships at the top of our “to-do” list.
Mark Leibovich, their staff writer, wrote about a time he heard a song by a Grammy-winning artist and impulsively reached out to a friend he hadn’t seen since the pandemic, as they had previously discussed this person’s well-known dislike of dogs.
He said, “Great laughter ensued on both ends, and she thanked me for getting in touch.”
He concluded, “The exchange took less than a minute. The joy lasted longer.”
Yes to creating joy whenever and however we can.
You may agree in theory, but it can be challenging to do in reality.
Many of us are going, going, going from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed.
So it’s no surprise that friendships fall by the wayside.
But you’ve probably heard about the study from Harvard that reports after 85 years of research:
“The people who were happiest, who stayed healthiest, and who lived the longest were the people who had the warmest connections with others.”
Which is why I’m adopting this “I was just thinking of you” approach to staying in touch with people I care about.
Oftentimes, we think every connection needs to be a LONG phone call to report all that has happened since the last time we talked.
That assumption becomes a barrier to entry because – who has time for an hour-long phone call?
But we all have 2 minutes.
And those two minutes are a great way to “keep our friendships in repair” instead of ghosting the people we care about.
ACTION
- How about you… Have you let your friendships fall by the wayside because you’re “too busy?”
- Take two minutes right now to phone or text a friend. Feel free to take my approach and start the convo with “I was just thinking of you…”
- Make it a point to make one (or more) of these connections every day. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did – and I bet your friends will too!
This week’s focus is about your friendships. Have you let any friendships fall by the wayside? How would it feel to put friendships at the top of your “to-do” list?
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Word-Of-the-Week #2003: Belief
October 9, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #2003: Belief
Belief – something believed or accepted as true by a person.
Do you believe that there’s always something new you can learn? Or that there’s someone interesting to meet?
This week’s WOW is the last part of “Boomers who remain witty and sharp past 70 usually live by these 9 rules. A sharp mind past 70 isn’t guaranteed—but these 9 rules make all the difference, by Avery White at Vegoutmag.com
To Recap:
The difference between those who remain vibrant conversationalists at 75 and those who retreat into repetitive stories isn’t luck. It’s a collection of habits, attitudes, and deliberate choices that keep their minds flexible while their joints might not be. These rules aren’t complicated or expensive—they’re accessible to anyone willing to rethink what aging means for the brain.
- They treat curiosity like oxygen
- They collect experiences, not just memories
- They embrace technology without surrendering to it
- They maintain friendships across generations
- They laugh at themselves first
- They read like their brain depends on it
- They pick their battles and forget the rest
Sharp seniors have learned what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. They’ll engage in spirited debates about things that matter but won’t waste energy correcting every wrong opinion or fighting every slight. They’ve developed what might be called selective passion—intense when it counts, relaxed when it doesn’t.
This isn’t apathy; it’s wisdom. It requires the prefrontal cortex to override the emotional brain’s need to be right all the time. Those who stay sharp understand that mental energy is finite, and spending it on petty grievances leaves less for creativity, humor, and genuine connection.
- They stay physically active without being obsessive
The sharpest minds past 70 usually inhabit bodies that move regularly. Not marathon-running necessarily, but walking, swimming, gardening—something that gets blood flowing to the brain. They understand the brain-body connection isn’t just wellness-speak; it’s biological fact.
But they’re not fanatics. They don’t bore you with their step count or lecture about their workout routine. They’ve found sustainable ways to stay active that feel more like living than exercising. Movement is integrated into life, not segregated into gym time. Research consistently shows that even moderate exercise can significantly improve cognitive function in older adults.
- They create more than they consume
Whether it’s writing letters, cooking new recipes, woodworking, or watercolors, mentally sharp seniors are makers, not just takers. They produce something—anything—that didn’t exist before they created it. This isn’t about talent or skill; it’s about the act of creation itself.
Creating requires the brain to work in ways that consuming never will. It demands problem-solving, planning, and adaptation when things don’t go as expected. The act of creation, regardless of the medium, builds cognitive reserve—the brain’s ability to maintain function despite age-related changes. Those who stay sharp understand that the question isn’t “Am I good at this?” but “Am I engaged by this?”
Final thoughts
The people who remain quick-witted and mentally agile past 70 haven’t discovered a secret formula or won a genetic lottery. They’ve simply refused to accept the narrative that aging means inevitable intellectual decline. They’ve chosen engagement over withdrawal, curiosity over certainty, growth over stagnation.
These rules aren’t really rules at all—they’re invitations to remain fully alive regardless of age. They recognize that the brain, like any muscle, responds to how you use it. The sharp seniors among us have figured out that wit isn’t about being young; it’s about being interested. They know that mental agility isn’t about denying age; it’s about embracing complexity at any age.
Most importantly, they understand that staying sharp isn’t just about cognitive exercise—it’s about maintaining a fundamental belief that there’s always something new to learn, someone interesting to meet, and something worth laughing about. Even—especially—yourself.
This week is all about fundamental aging beliefs. Can you pick and choose your battles and forget about the rest? Are you physically active without being obsessive? Are you staying engaged by being creative?
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Word-Of-the-Week #2002: Laugh
October 2, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #2002: Laugh
Laugh – to show or feel amusement or good humor.
How often do you laugh each day? Are you able to laugh at yourself and not take everything too seriously?
This week’s WOW is the 2nd part of “Boomers who remain witty and sharp past 70 usually live by these 9 rules. A sharp mind past 70 isn’t guaranteed—but these 9 rules make all the difference, by Avery White at Vegoutmag.com
To Recap:
There’s a particular quality some older people have—a spark that makes you forget you’re talking to someone who remembers when television was new. They drop perfectly timed jokes, recall obscure facts with startling clarity, and somehow manage to stay current without trying too hard. These aren’t just the genetically blessed. They’re people who’ve figured out that staying mentally sharp isn’t about sudoku puzzles and crosswords alone.
The difference between those who remain vibrant conversationalists at 75 and those who retreat into repetitive stories isn’t luck. It’s a collection of habits, attitudes, and deliberate choices that keep their minds flexible while their joints might not be. These rules aren’t complicated or expensive—they’re accessible to anyone willing to rethink what aging means for the brain.
- They treat curiosity like oxygen
- They collect experiences, not just memories
- They embrace technology without surrendering to it
- They maintain friendships across generations
Smart 70-somethings don’t just hang out with other 70-somethings. They cultivate friendships across age groups, not as mentors or authority figures, but as genuine peers. They have coffee with 40-year-olds, debate politics with 30-year-olds, and aren’t threatened by 20-year-olds who know things they don’t.
This cross-generational mixing prevents the echo chamber effect that can make older adults feel disconnected from contemporary life. Younger friends bring fresh perspectives, new vocabulary, and different problems to solve. Research shows that intergenerational connections can improve cognitive function and social well-being. The mentally sharp elderly understand these friendships aren’t about feeling young—they’re about staying relevant and engaged with the world as it actually is.
- They laugh at themselves first
The quickest wit often belongs to those who’ve learned not to take themselves too seriously. They’ll joke about their “senior moments,” their technological struggles, their creaking joints—but never in a self-pitying way. They’ve weaponized self-deprecation as a form of connection, not defeat.
This humor serves a deeper purpose than just getting laughs. Self-directed humor is actually a sophisticated cognitive function that requires perspective-taking and emotional regulation. When you can laugh at your own limitations, you’re demonstrating mental flexibility and resilience. The sharpest seniors know that taking yourself too seriously is the fastest way to become a caricature of old age.
- They read like their brain depends on it
Not just newspapers or their favorite genre—they read widely, voraciously, and challengingly. Fiction, non-fiction, long-form journalism, even the occasional graphic novel. They treat reading not as a pastime but as cognitive maintenance, each book a different exercise for different mental muscles.
The key is variety. Reading only political books that confirm your views is like only doing bicep curls at the gym. The mentally sharp mix it up: a mystery novel followed by a history of jazz, a memoir paired with science writing. They understand that every new author’s voice, every unfamiliar subject, forces the brain to work harder, stay more agile.
This week is all about having a good laugh while you’re aging! Do you maintain friendships that you can laugh with? Do you read a variety of books?
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Word-Of-the-Week #2001: Aging
September 25, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #2001: Aging
Aging – the process of growing old or maturing.
Were you born before 1965? Are you prepared for the aging process?
This week’s WOW comes from my sweet husband, Chris, who shared this article from by Avery White at Vegoutmag.com, “Boomers who remain witty and sharp past 70 usually live by these 9 rules. A sharp mind past 70 isn’t guaranteed—but these 9 rules make all the difference. I am breaking it into 3 parts do the length.
There’s a particular quality some older people have—a spark that makes you forget you’re talking to someone who remembers when television was new. They drop perfectly timed jokes, recall obscure facts with startling clarity, and somehow manage to stay current without trying too hard. These aren’t just the genetically blessed. They’re people who’ve figured out that staying mentally sharp isn’t about sudoku puzzles and crosswords alone.
The difference between those who remain vibrant conversationalists at 75 and those who retreat into repetitive stories isn’t luck. It’s a collection of habits, attitudes, and deliberate choices that keep their minds flexible while their joints might not be. These rules aren’t complicated or expensive—they’re accessible to anyone willing to rethink what aging means for the brain.
- They treat curiosity like oxygen
The sharpest septuagenarians approach new information like they’re still 25 and figuring out the world. They ask follow-up questions about your job, genuinely want to understand cryptocurrency, and aren’t afraid to admit when something confuses them. This isn’t politeness—it’s intellectual survival.
- They collect experiences, not just memories
There’s a difference between having stories and having the same story. Sharp older adults keep adding chapters to their lives instead of just rereading the old ones. They try the new restaurant, take the unfamiliar route, say yes to invitations that younger them might have declined.
This isn’t about bungee jumping at 80. It’s about maintaining cognitive flexibility—the ability to adapt thinking to new situations. Every new experience forces the brain to create fresh connections. The mentally vibrant understand that routine might be comfortable, but variation is what keeps neurons firing. They know that the phrase “I’ve never tried that before” should never fully leave your vocabulary.
- They embrace technology without surrendering to it
The wittiest older adults have smartphones and know how to use them, but they’re not enslaved by them. They’ve learned enough technology to stay connected and informed without letting it overwhelm their identity or dominate their time. They text their grandkids, share memes that actually land, and can navigate streaming services without assistance.
But here’s the key: they use technology as a tool, not a crutch. They understand that digital engagement opens doors to information and connection, but they don’t mistake online interaction for real relationships. They’ve found the sweet spot between being a Luddite and being lost in the digital world. Their social media posts are coherent, but they also don’t live for likes.
This week is all about the positives in aging! How curious are you? Are you experiencing new and different adventures you’ve never tried before? Do you embrace technology and yet still maintain real relationships?
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