Word-Of-the-Week #1082: Content
May 15, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1082: Content
Content – mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are.
Are you guided by a clear sense of purpose? Do you have genuinely supportive people by your side?
This week features the first half of “The happiest people in the world say “yes” to these 5 things, according to science” by Tina Fey at DMNews.com
“We all know someone who seems to radiate happiness from the inside out.
They’re the kind of people who appear genuinely content—through both ups and downs—and make us wonder, What’s their secret?
I’ve often pondered this question in my own life and work, and I’ve noticed a pattern: happy people tend to embrace a handful of core commitments that light them up and keep them grounded.
Does that mean they don’t struggle? Of course not.
But there’s something special about the way they choose to live and the principles they prioritize.
If you’re looking to boost your own sense of well-being, here are five things the world’s happiest folks say “yes” to—backed by research and my own observations as a counselor.
Let’s dig in.
- A sense of purpose
Have you ever asked yourself, Why am I doing what I’m doing?
It’s a big question, and I’ve found that those who consistently feel happier are usually guided by a clear sense of purpose.
They aren’t just going through the motions or chasing other people’s definitions of success; they’re fueled by a deeper “why.”
Purpose can be as grand as championing a charitable cause or as personal as wanting to be the best parent you can be.
The crucial part is that it resonates with your core values.
As Martin Seligman, often referred to as the father of positive psychology, has noted, having a purpose in life is closely associated with higher levels of well-being.
It gives you a reason to get up in the morning and devote energy to something that truly matters to you.
In my own journey, discovering that my calling was to help others through counseling gave me an internal compass. Even on tough days, I remember that I’m part of something bigger than myself.
- Healthy relationships and community
Have you noticed how much easier it is to tackle life’s obstacles when you have genuinely supportive people by your side?
It’s not just anecdotal—several long-term studies, including the renowned Harvard Study of Adult Development, have shown that meaningful social connections are a key predictor of long-term happiness.
Over the decades, researchers found that people who maintain strong bonds with family, friends, or community not only experience fewer emotional struggles but also tend to live longer and healthier lives.
I’ve seen this firsthand in my counseling practice with clients who have at least one or two close confidants. They exhibit higher resilience when stress hits, and they generally feel more grounded day to day.
Whether it’s a few close friends or a supportive community, investing in these relationships is about choosing quality over quantity.
When you embrace authentic connections, you create a network of belonging and trust that can truly elevate your overall well-being.
- Continuous growth and learning
Another thing the happiest people in the world say “yes” to is lifelong learning.
They say “yes” to growth, whether that means diving into a new skill, exploring a different culture, or simply taking on a hobby that expands their worldview.
Research in neuroscience shows that the brain craves – and thrives on – novelty. This is why engaging in novel and challenging experiences boosts happiness; it creates a sense of accomplishment and wonder.
When you allow yourself to be open, even a little bit, there’s no telling what exciting doors you might unlock.
This week’s focus is on being content. Are you satisfied with how things are? Does your work resonate with your core values? Do you have meaningful relationships? When was the last time you engaged in a novel or challenging experience?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1081: Acknowledgement
May 8, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1081: Acknowledgement
Acknowledgement – the act of recognizing and validating one’s existence.
When was the last time someone pointed out a positive attribute that you possess? When was the last time you recognized and acknowledged someone’s positive attributes?
Once again, Steve Straus, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, sent a very thought-provoking piece.
Personal Need: For Acknowledgement
(An unmet Need causes us to feel empty, incomplete, or less than whole. Fulfilling a Need gives us freedom to be ourselves.)
We live in an age of under acknowledgement. To acknowledge someone is to see a positive attribute of them and tell them so. We do this far less than we could. Thus missing the benefits we could experience. Plus, a continual absence of acknowledgement can lead to a neediness for it.
When receiving an acknowledgement some have described the feeling they experience as one of being ‘gotten’ as in, “He/she gets me. They see an aspect of me that’s real.” A deeper level of connection results.
An acknowledgement is different and deeper than a complement. (See S:0089) When you acknowledge someone, or something about them, you are forging a bond which can last.
But to go a long time without being acknowledged is to see it develop into a Need. At that point we start doing overt actions trying to prompt one from others. That neediness is off-putting, actually interfering with receiving what we are so needy for.
To recognize you have a need for acknowledgement is the first step to letting it go and being free. You might want to start with self-acknowledgement – catching yourself doing something well.
Most people are so under acknowledged that when they do hear one they soak it in like rain on a dry lawn.
Coaching Point: When were you last acknowledged and how did you feel?
See all past issues and subscribe here Steve’s 3-Minute Coaching
Copyright © 2025 Steve Straus, All rights reserved.
This week’s focus is on acknowledgment. What goes around comes around! How good are at recognizing others for their accomplishments? Would you like to have deeper connections? When was the last time you acknowledged yourself for doing something well?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1080: Achievement
May 1, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1080: Achievement
Achievement – something that has been accomplished, esp by hard work.
What achievements have you made in your life? What would like to accomplish this year? Do you feel envy when you compare yourself to others achievements?
This week features “Late bloomers in a world that values early success” by UT San Diego columnist Neil Senturia.
“My father’s opinion of the likelihood of my achieving early success (and in fact any success) caused him to comfort his son with the words, “You’ll be a late bloomer.” It was a kind way of lowering his expectations of me to the level of a Walmart greeter.
Forbes magazine publisher Rich Karlgaard has some thoughts that make it very clear that the popular hyped millennial mantra of “having to make it before you are 30, otherwise, you might as well commit hari-kiri” is actually total nonsense, as argued in his new book, “The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement.” Karlgaard says that although he went to Stanford, (“I barely got through”), after graduation he was both confronted and challenged by the amazing apparent trajectories that his classmates were embarking on. “I remember a low moment, here I am a 25-year-old Stanford grad and the best job I could get after college was as a security guard at a trucking company.”
Readers — pause and reflect. Then admit that all of us have had the demon of envying our peers who seem to be ahead of us in the race (where and why we are racing is for another column). Karlgaard says he was walking the perimeter with a flashlight, while “his professional colleague” in the yard next door was nothing more than a Rottweiler. Three months later, Steve Jobs would take Apple public.
I want to ask Karlgaard what his parents said to him at that time. Did they tell him that they loved him regardless and to hang in and that blooming was right around the corner? Or did they see themselves (and their son) as the failures? This is hard stuff. Some of us are early rock stars, but most of us have “gifts that go undiscovered” until later — or if ever. Karlgaard talks about the “early achievement conveyor belt” and the potential anxiety, depression and even suicide that occur if you are not on that path. I am confessing now and forever that I have seen those demons up close and personal.
Rule No. 613
Can I interest you in a watering can?
The twin paths of computer science and Wall Street finance are the quickest route to early recognition. Those skills develop earlier than what Karlgaard calls “fully functioning mature adults,” who more deeply express the traits of curiosity, resilience and equanimity. Companies say they want those core values but the problem is that they don’t always hire for them in the beginning. It turns out that those seemingly clear early performance markers — GPA and SAT scores — become increasingly irrelevant over time.
Karlgaard supports his premise by turning to the real science of how and when the brain develops. The high frequency hedge fund trader brain peaks in the 20s and 30s; deeper pattern recognition, empathy and compassion peak during the 40s and 50s; and finally as we age, we finally head toward “exhibiting wisdom.” Karlgaard says that late bloomers tend to find their own path, which in turn leads them to the place where this late blooming occurs. He calls it the intersection of talent, passion, grit, density and finally mission. Wow.
The question is a simple one, but not easily answered. How do we find a way to allow our children the time to find their bloom? He argues for encouraging a gap year after high school graduation — time to wander, to stray from the path, to leave the conveyor belt, to get lost and then finally to discover your way. He even touches the third rail of mandatory military or civil service (Israel, Switzerland and Singapore). He argues that “not everyone should go to a four-year college,” and he supports “shop class.” My favorite memory from high school was building a model wooden sailboat (which I still have).
Finally, his book turns to parenting, the eternal dilemma, but the emerging neurological and cognitive science point solidly to the fact that “we have multiple decades in which to come into our own.” The glib mantra of “quitters never win, winners never quit” is complete madness. We all know that letting go and walking away can be transformative. We all can be reinvented and embrace the pivot. There are always second chances, but they only appear and bloom when they are good and ready.”
This week’s focus is on achievement. Do you believe that you’re a failure if you haven’t “made it before your 30?” Are you guilty of trying to put your children or family members on the “early achievement conveyor belt?” What if you or someone you know is a late bloomer? How would it feel to have more recognition, empathy, and compassion which comes with age?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1079: Balance
April 24, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1079: Balance
Balance – proper prioritization between work (career and ambition) and lifestyle (health, pleasure, leisure, family).
Do you feel you have the support of your family and friends? Have your created times in your day for taking a break? What is your favorite form of creative expression?
I am traveling for the next three weeks so I picked past WOW’s that spoke to me This week features excerpts from, “What burnout really is. And ways to prevent it,” by Angela Haupt.
“There’s a lot of overlap between burnout and stress, said Inger Burnett-Zeigler, a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University. But burnout is the result of “exposure to prolonged stress,” she emphasized – not just one or two taxing days at work.
The pandemic was a perfect breeding ground for the syndrome to fester: “When we think about burnout in the context of COVID, I personally can relate,” Burnett-Zeigler said. “And I know a lot of folks I work with were under extreme stress, working longer hours, balancing work with child-care responsibilities, having back-to-back meetings and adjusting to working in a different environment.”
Though most research has focused on burnout in the workplace, some experts, like Nagoski, are adamant that burnout isn’t just an occupational hazard: It can happen to anyone. There’s no estimate of how many Americans are burned out, but anecdotally it became more prevalent during the pandemic.
- Dealing with burnout
Though the onus primarily is on employers, there are still ways for burned-out folks to recharge and recover. Here are some tips from experts:
- Seek support from friends and family. “Self-care cannot be the cure for burnout,” Nagoski said. “Burnout is all of us caring for each other.” Aim to be surrounded by a “protective bubble of love,” she said: people who will remind you of your value and who you can lean on as you work through your burnout.
- Take breaks. Build these into your daily schedule, Burnett-Ziegler said. Spend your breaks resting or doing something you really enjoy, like reading a favorite book or going for a swim. Take vacations or, when needed, even longer time off from work.
After Sides felt like she hit a wall last year, she took a “massive step back” and temporarily shut down her online business. Within a few months, she said, she felt like she had the clarity and energy again to resume working.
- Prioritize exercise for well-being. We often exercise because of social pressures such as achieving the so-called perfect body. In that context, working out might not help relieve stress, Nagoski said. But judgment-free exercise can. Think “dancing to Beyoncé in the kitchen or punching something in the basement,” she said. Do it for yourself, not to meet anyone else’s expectations of you.
- Build transitions into your day. At the end of every workday, Weiss knows she could easily log a few more hours – but she’s clear about her values, such as spending time with her kids. She recommends implementing a routine that can help you transition from your work persona into home mode.
“Maybe that’s walking the dog or putting on a soundtrack as you close your work for the day or taking some mindful breaths,” she said. “It’s something that reminds you why the rest of your life matters and not to sacrifice that.”
- Get creative. Painting, writing poetry, sewing and any other form of creative expression are terrific ways to push through the chronic stress that defines burnout, Nagoski said. Working with your hands helps you “burn up all your feelings,” she said, by allowing you to channel your emotions into an object or process.
This week’s focus is on balance. How good are you at transitioning between work and home life? Have you prioritized exercise for your well-being? Do you feel your friends and family surround you with a “protective bubble of love”?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1078: Thoughts
April 17, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1078: Thoughts
Thoughts – the things that you think about.
Would you agree that negative thoughts are just symptoms of a low state of mind? Can you see thoughts for what they are, and that you can choose whether or not to give them credibility?
This week features “It’s Just a Thought” by Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor.
“Are you training yourself to be incompetent?
We talk to ourselves all the time. What we say — and what we believe about it — makes a difference in who we are, who we become … and perhaps, in who OTHER people become.
- “I’m no good at math.”
- “I can’t figure those things out.”
- “This business grinds you down.”
- “I don’t have time for that.”
- “I am such an idiot.”
- “______ is such a screw-up.”
- “You always get that wrong.”
- … the list is endless.
Innocent talk, right? I mean, all these statements are true when you say them … aren’t they?
Not necessarily. Truth is, they’re only thoughts — just a few more bubbles out of the bubble machine. When you can see them as no more than that, you can choose whether or not they’re worth taking seriously.
But we tend to believe that because we THINK something is a certain way, that’s the way it really is. Say it often enough and you’ll become attached to the thought. You’ll take it very seriously and defend it to others .. but it’s still only a stray thought.
Just like weights on a balloon, hanging on to all those negative thoughts drags down your mood. As your mood [state of mind] drops, the world looks more hostile, you feel more insecure and it reinforces the negative thoughts.
Negative thoughts are just symptoms of a low state of mind. For example, when you’re “having a bad day,” EVERYTHING seems like a disaster, doesn’t it?. On the other hand, when you’re in love [a high state of mind] … NO PROBLEMS!
The world doesn’t change, but how it looks to you changes based upon where your eyeballs are … and that’s merely a function of your own thinking.
When you see thoughts for what they are, you can choose whether or not to give them credibility. When you don’t take negative thoughts too seriously (“Hmm, that’s a weird idea. What’s next?”) they cease to have any lasting impact.
As a result, you stay more positive and live in a world of greater possibility. You see lapses in yourself and others as just innocent symptoms of undeveloped skills, a minor lapse easily addressed and improved.
- Here’s an idea:
People often feel overwhelmed when they start a new job in a new place with a new culture and new co-workers. What if you pulled a new hire aside at the end of their first day and said something like, “I’m so glad to have you on the team. I can see you’re really going to be great at this.”
About then it’s what they really need to hear … and your quiet reassurance will greatly improve the odds they’ll stick with it and excel.”
This week’s focus is on thoughts. Do you believe that because you think something is a certain way, that’s the way it really is? How would it feel to not take negative thoughts too seriously? Can you imagine living in a world of greater possibilities?
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