Word Of the Week #558: Rejection
April 15, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #558: Rejection
Rejection – what you experience when you are refused or snubbed.
How does rejection make you feel? Does it make you feel exhilarated? Does it make you feel sad, depressed, or want to retreat?
This week’s WOW comes from my long time friend and massage therapist Sandra, who had just gotten the game called Rejection Therapy. There are 30 cards in the deck, one for each day of the month, assigning you a task that could bring rejection.
Jason Comely created the game in 2010 and writes, “Rejection Therapy™ is the real life game with one rule. The game is designed for anyone who wants to build confidence and overcome fear of rejection. Rejection Therapy will show you how rejection can be an exciting and positive experience.
Emotions like fear and anger are viral and indiscriminate. They undermine your sense of control and self worth. If you allow these mental states to exist, they tend to spill over into other aspects of your life.
When you go through the process and play Rejection Therapy card by card, picking off rejections one by one, starting small and moving up, you uncover trouble spots and learn to overcome them. I call it Fear Management. You discover ways to manage your fear so you can get that rejection. And you have fun doing it.
All the cards are exercises for approaching others – be it women, men, or any variation thereof. The concept behind it is to show you how rejection can be an exciting and positive experience.
Once you get the rejection, the fear shrinks and confidence in yourself grows in all aspects of your life.
The five objectives of Rejection Therapy are:
- To be more aware of how irrational social fears control and restrict our lives
- Smash the tyranny of fear and reap the treasures (treasures include wealth, relationships and self-confidence)
- Learn from, and even enjoy rejection
- To not be attached to outcomes, especially when it involves the free agency of other people
- Permit yourself to fail
This week’s focus is on rejection. How comfortable are you asking for something from a stranger? Has the fear of “making a mistake” or the fear of “looking foolish” ever stopped you from doing something? How would it feel to have the confidence to ask for anything you want without the fear of rejection?
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Word Of the Week #557: Habit
April 9, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #557: Habit
Habit – an often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.
Do you have any habits that you would like to change? Have you tried and failed? Do you have a habit of justifying behavior you’d like to change?
David Levine’s LA Times article, “10 loopholes that can block your joy” is this week’s focus. Gretchen Rubin, the author of ‘The Happiness Project’ says, “Habits can make or break happiness. Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life and a significant element of happiness. The No. 1 habit change that people say makes them happier is to make their bed. It sounds silly, but people keep telling me this all the time.”
Rubin says often the reasons why people fail – even at major efforts such as diet or exercise – is not a matter of willpower but a product of almost magical thinking, searching for and finding loopholes, those justifications that will excuse us from maintaining this particular habit in this particular situation.
But Rubin says that when we spot the loophole, we can try to reject the desire to let ourselves off the hook.“I know it’s not easy. I use loopholes all the time.” Here are Rubin’s top loopholes; perhaps they’re familiar to you.
- False choice loophole: I can’t do this because I’m so busy doing that.
- Moral licensing loophole: I’ve been so good; it’s OK for me to do this.
- Tomorrow loophole: It’s OK to skip today because I’m going to do this tomorrow.
- Lack-of-control loophole: I can’t help myself.
- Planning-to-fail loophole: I’ll just check my email quickly before I go to the gym…oops, I don’t have time to go to the gym, after all. Or, I’m not going to eat anything more tonight, but I’ll go into the kitchen and look in the freezer. Just curious.
- This-doesn’t-count loophole: I’m on vacation. I’m sick. It’s the weekend.
- Questionable assumption loophole: It’s not a proper dinner without wine. Or, it’s more fun to play tennis than go to the gym. It can wait.
- Concern-for-others loophole: I can’t do this because it might make other people uncomfortable.
- Fake self-actualization loophole: You only live once! Embrace the moment!
- One-time loophole: What difference does it make if I break my habit this one time?
So did any of those loopholes sound familiar? Do you let yourself off the hook more times than not? What one loophole could you overcome this week? What one habit would you like to change?
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Word Of the Week #556: Alternative
April 2, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #556: Alternative
Alternative – being one of a number of possible choices or courses of action.
Do you have any big dreams that you have not achieved? Do you think it’s too late to even try? Would you start medical school at the age of 35? How about if you were six months pregnant and unwed?
Well, Susan O’Malley, the author of “Tough Cookies Don’t Crumble: Turn Setbacks in Success” did just that. She says, “If you are bound and determined to reach your goal, you have to roll up your sleeves and do whatever it takes.” Today she is the owner and medical director of Sonas Med Spa in Madison, CT.” Here are four tips exerted from her book.
- If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. But what if you don’t fit into that mold? Some of us will find our calling in our passion and it will be crystal clear right from the start. Others will find it in their pain.
- Success doesn’t come from a quick fix, it comes from hard work. It’s important to have a positive mindset and it helps to have a dream, but it takes work to make your dream come true.
- The first step to making a positive change in your life is committing to honor your decision. Often we will honor commitments made to others better than we honor commitments made to ourselves. You need to commit to yourself that you will make whatever change you want to make and then honor it.
- If you want to be successful, you have to play to win. You can sit in the stands and watch, you can stand along the sidelines and give your opinion, you can wander aimlessly on the field hoping for the participation trophy, or you can put on a helmet and get in the game. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish your goal?
I have always said, “If it was easy to be successful, then everyone would be successful.”
This week’s focus is on the alternative. Is there more than one way you can go about achieving your big dream? What course of action could you take to start? Are you will to work hard and do whatever is necessary to achieve your dream?
Excerpts from Henry DeVries UT article titled, “Alternative pathways to a medical career.”
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