Word-Of-the-Week #704: Self-Talk

February 1, 2018 by · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #704: Self-Talk 

Self-Talkthe positive and negative thoughts you feed yourself daily.

Have you ever thought about what percentage of your “self-talk” is positive? Do you tend to deny your accomplishments or brush them aside? How can you possibly be successful if you see yourself as mediocre or worse?

This week features Bryan Falchuk, Inc. “Don’t let negative self-talk hold you back.”  He writes, “I spent one third of my career as a management consultant. It was a great experience filled with a lot of learning and a lot of tough moments, too. 

That means I was paid to find what is wrong, root it out, and figure out a better path forward. It made me a great problem-solver, but it had a downside–I (and others in similar jobs) was being conditioned to point out the negative in everything I saw. 

The thing is, we all do this, especially with ourselves. Listen to how people talk about their workload or the hours they work. It almost becomes a competition for who is the most beaten down. 

You often hear things around the office like, “I was at the office until 10 last night. I’m so tired!” Then a coworker will often respond, full of pride, with something like, “10? Wow, you have it easy. I was here until midnight, and then did another three hours once I got home.” 

Let me ask, which one of them is the winner in this debate? 

Or when you try to commend someone on doing a good job, they often point out where they went wrong rather than just taking the praise. I remember giving a big presentation to a client early in my career, and a peer told me I did a great job afterward. My immediate response was, “No, I totally messed up that section about their growth strategy. Luckily they forgot about that once we showed them the savings involved.” I could not even start by saying, “Thanks,” before pointing out my failure.

And it is not just in work situations. Next time someone has you over for dinner, compliment them on the food, and watch what happens. You are likely to hear something like, “Thanks, but I overcooked the meat.” Or, “Maybe, but the vegetables needed more salt.” 

This has become a major focus of my coaching work–helping people to get comfortable with being good at things. We are so entrenched in self-deprecation or denying our achievements that we end up framing ourselves with mediocrity at best or incompetence at worst. 

  • How can you possibly be successful if you see yourself as mediocre or worse? The answer is obviously that you can’t.” 

However you can change the situation and next week will feature how to do just that.

This week’s focus is on your “self talk.” What thoughts are you reinforcing? When someone compliments you do you accept the praise or try to downplay it? How would it feel to get comfortable with being good at things?

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Word Of the Week #568: Self-Talk

June 24, 2015 by · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #568: Self-Talk 

Self-Talkthe positive and negative thoughts you feed yourself daily.

Have you ever thought about what percentage of your “self-talk” is positive? Have you ever expressed an idea that you thought was good and then talked yourself out of it? Or worse yet, have a friend or family member do that for you?

This word came up for me this week as I reflected on the last two WOWS’. Do you believe that you can control your luck? Do you believe you can make it more likely good things will happen to you by what you think and say?

I know from experience that “what you think about, you bring about.” I can’t tell you how many times I hear people make negative statements about themselves like “I am terrible when it comes to remembering people’s names” or “I’m not lucky. I never win anything.” I hear this often after I have just won something. I walk into events planning on winning. I wake up every day and say, “I wonder what wonderful thing will happen to me today?” Do you do that? If you do, I bet you’re lucky like me too!

Everything you say to yourself whether aloud or silent, gets reinforced in your brain. Pretty much, “If you think you can, you can” and vice versa. I have worked with numerous clients that talk about wanting their life to be different. And when I ask them what it is they want, they tell me what they don’t want. And by doing that, they reinforce it, and they continue to get what they don’t want.a thoughts

I found this on REACHOUT.com. “Self-talk is basically your inner voice, the voice in your mind which says things that you don’t necessarily say out loud. Often self-talk happens without you even realising it and can be a subtle running commentary going on in the background of your mind. But what you say in your mind can determine a lot of how you feel about who you are.

There are three things you can do that can help with changing the direction of your self-talk.  

  1. Listen to what you’re saying to yourself – We don’t always consciously take note of what we’re saying in our minds.
  2. Monitor your self-talk – Is it more positive or negative? Is there actual evidence for what you’re thinking? What would you say if a friend were in a similar situation?
  3. Change your self-talk – Easier said than done, but definitely worth working on. Catch yourself by countering your negative thoughts with positive ones.

This week’s focus is on your “self talk.” What thoughts are you reinforcing? How easy would it be for you to turn a negative thought into a positive one? Do you believe that you deserve to achieve wonderful things in your life? Are you ready for that to start happening now?

I LOVE feedback! Join my Facebook community on my FUN-damentals Fan Page.

WOW Word-Of-the-Week #440: Self Talk

January 9, 2013 by · 2 Comments 

Self Talkthe positive and negative thoughts you feed yourself daily.

Have you ever thought about what percentage of your “self talk” is positive? Do you ever have an idea that you think is good and then talk yourself out of it? Or worse yet, have a friend or family member does that for you?

This week’s WOW comes from Roxana Popescu’s “feel good” story in the San Diego UT titled “SUCCESS STORY SHOWS IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.” She writes, “For much of her life, Peg Marcus lived by two sacrosanct syllables: You can’t.

 You can’t finish high school because we need you for baby-sitting, her father told her in the 10th grade. So she dropped out to care for her six younger siblings. The lived in the Rust Belt, where the men worked in factories and the women cared for the little ones. You can’t change the way things have been done for generations.

 The younger siblings grew up, but the refrain stayed the same: You can’t go to college, Marcus told herself then, because you need to take care of you children now. You can’t go back to school, she repeated after those children had grown, because you’re too old now. Somehow half of her life flew by before Marcus, now 62, discovered two other syllables: Why not?

 Long story short, her formula for success is rigorous. She says, “We can aspire to do and be what we want to be and do it. It takes finding the right route. It takes finding the right resources. It takes a lot of drive and determination. It takes an attitude of ‘I’m not going to give up.’

 The article goes on to read, “Getting there took decades of hard work on herself. She struggled with depression, obesity, low self-esteem, fibromyalgia and a drinking problem, but every challenge brought her closer to where she is today. Some changes she made along the way: Letting go of negative thoughts, releasing fears of judgment by others and embracing the belief that she deserves the same joys and privileges she always wished for others.”

 In 2012, she graduated from Grossmont College with an associate degree in social and behavioral sciences. Her new goal is to pursue a second associate degree, to study occupational therapy, which she plans to turn into a career.

This week’s focus is on your “self talk.” How hard is it for you to let go of negative thoughts?  How affected are you by other peoples judgments? Do you believe that you deserve the same joys and privileges that others have? How would it feel to turn “you can’t” into “why not?

Reader Responses

“I learned a long time ago not to pay attention to people telling me that I COULD NOT DO something. In many instances, those are the people who did not want to see me move forward in my life. In almost every instance, they did not have what it took to succeed. I was always taught by my mother to look at the positive side to every situation and to try to find the good in other people. Obviously, it is easy to see the negatives in others; those are very prominent. But what is it that makes people tick and become successful. Those are the traits that we should try to bring out in our relationships. People who tell others they can’t do something, or that it is impossible, either have not accomplished anything in their lives or don’t know how. I avoid those people as often as possible. I have always been confident enough in my own abilities to know what I can do. I am also realistic enough to realize my own limitations, but I don’t allow those limitations to limit me, or to put blinders on my ambitions. I have always found another way. That is the bottom line.” –  “Warrior” Joe