Word-Of-the-Week #1045: Possibility
August 15, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1045: Possibility
Possibility – capability of existing or happening or being true.
Do you allow yourself the space to dream? Can you imagine that noticing joy may help you discern what you love?
This week features excerpts from “Joy is more than a feeling. Listen to what it’s telling you,” CNN Opinion piece by Tess Taylor.
“There’s a poem from Mary Oliver I’ve been meditating on lately: “If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. There are plenty of lives and towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back … better than all the riches and power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. … Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
Joy is not made to be a crumb. That’s a sentence I savor — it reminds me that joy is maybe so much bigger than we often let it be. It’s no crumb but the whole pie, the full nutty loaf, the full raucous potluck. Joy might be the meal that sustains us. Noticing joy can be a guiding force, helping us name what matters in our lives. Joy, Oliver suggests, helps us discern what we love, and, just maybe, helps us figure out how we want to live.
In the middle of difficult years, I’ve been so grateful to occasionally have the assignment here to write about joy. It’s been, in some ways, a sidelong project in truly challenging years. Don’t get me wrong: Not all of my writing here has been joyful. Far from it. I’ve covered wildfires, more wildfires, what to do when smoke fills the sky for days.
I’ve written about pandemic unsettlement and school shootings, and my deep sadness — as a kid who was once threatened with a gun in her own school — that we haven’t made the world less dangerous for our kids. And during these difficult years, I’ve grieved plenty — about environmental destruction, racial violence, the specter of eroded civil rights.
But in the middle of that, this space has also offered me a chance to celebrate about the weird, the whimsical, the unexpectedly sustaining. I’ve gotten to write about the delightful attitudes of backyard chickens, the experience of filling a lawn with native plants. I’ve written about the art of unplugging, social media sabbaticals and finding practical ways to connect, re-route, take the long view. I’ve had the chance to write about rest — something which, by nature, is linked to joy. (It is hard to be truly joyful when we are not rested.) In the process I began to think about how windows of both rest and joy might offer some antidote to our culture’s chronic fury: space to reset, process, unplug and forgive.
Most importantly, amid wildfires, epidemics and guns, and alongside the occasional backyard chicken, I’ve also had the chance to write about poetry. I want to be clear: writing about joy, attention and unplugging aren’t separate from writing about poetry. These things interweave. In a fractured, often violent culture, engaging with poetry is also a way to rest, reset and reroute. Poetry is a way — despite all — to notice delight.
It’s been a head-spinning political summer. There has been civic violence and gun violence and assassination attempts and intense heat and the sudden retirement of one candidate and the ascent of another. There’s a lot on the line this fall. We all have a lot to talk about. We have big decisions to make. As we do: I wonder if grounding in joy might help us plot a way forward.
I think that’s because joy can be an excellent teacher. As a teacher of poetry, when I lead a workshop, I ask that my poetry students not begin with critique. It’s always easy to say what you don’t like about something, easy to point out why it might not work. Instead, when students read each other’s new poems, I ask that each new reader name a delight. We anchor in pleasure — a word or a funny moment, the music of a slant rhyme. Focusing on delight helps a writer to know what to do more of. It helps a reader find out where their sensibilities lie. We are better off learning to write and imagine towards what delights us than trying to skirt the edges of what might not.
So here’s a final thought: What if we take this out of the writing classroom — or out of the poetry column — and into our lives? As we face down the questions of coming months, what might centering rest, delight, joy and even a bit of poetry bring to the process?
It’s telling, for instance, that one of the signs that Kamala Harris might be an awesome candidate is that right now, she helps us imagine a world where we are happy and happier together. She seems, well, joyful. As much as I love Harris, (and I really do), the end of this column is not really about her. It’s about the fact that it’s important to discover our joy. When we find that joy, it’s important to savor it. And it’s important to let that joy point us toward naming the big dreams about what our lives might feel like.
Perhaps sometimes we find a little space for that in a column about chickens, or in a reminder that it’s really, really okay to rest, or to say no once in a while. And perhaps sometimes we find that by making space to read words that allow us to daydream, breathe, see beauty, reconnect to our bodies and to one another.
Here’s what else: We can hope that out of that space there’s more space.
Hopefully we find room for less fury, more hip hop; less negativity, more laughter; more freedom to explore and wonder; more space to see the dignity in ourselves and one another; more space to know in our bones that our diversity makes us stronger. Maybe that’s partly what our conversation has been about — to keep proposing, even in these harrowing years, that we have space to dream, and that we can work towards repair; that there is, even now, a future where we can delight in one another, where we can savor both art and our lives.”
This week’s focus is on possibility. When was the last time you felt joy? Do you know what delights you? How would it feel to find space to rest, reset, process, unplug and forgive?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1044: Discerning
August 8, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1044: Discerning
Discerning – keen insight and good judgment; perceptive.
Do you tend to take your time when making decisions? Are you detail oriented? Are you careful and cautious? If not, how does it make you feel to be around someone who is discerning?
This word came up in conversation with my friend good Gloria, so I felt like revisiting it. David P. Snyder, the author of “How to Mind Read Your Customers” says, “Discerning people are either highly conscientious or highly steadfast. They are extremely methodical, careful, observant, and scrutinizing. If you feel you are under a microscope in their presence, you are, so be prepared for a microscopic examination. These people need facts, figures, proof, and assurance.”
“Highly conscientious people are conservative. They are controlled, especially with their thoughts and emotions. They are cautious and suspicious of strangers. They are obsessive about quality, accuracy, and details. They expect you to care about the same things they care about. Most are extremely critical and actually a lot more humble than you would think.”
“Highly steadfast people are extremely hardworking, fair, honest, reliable, trustworthy, community oriented, family oriented, and patriotic. They expect you to treat them with the same respect and honesty that you would give to members of your own family. They are loyal, dependable, good listeners, patient, composed, relaxed, and consistent.”
“Both types of discerning people are slow paced, careful, methodical, and observant. The main difference is that steadfast people are more soft-spoken and less judgmental.”
This week focus on the discerning people you come in contact with. If you are discerning as well, you should connect quite easily with them. If not, how does it make you feel to be around a slower, calmer person? How does it make you feel when people don’t make decisions as quickly as you do? Can you see the benefit of having a team of people around you who are dynamic and discerning?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1043: Ambition
August 1, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1043: Ambition
Ambition – a strong desire for success, achievement or distinction.
Do you think of yourself as having ambition? Do you have a fire in your belly to accomplish something? Do you have a plan on how you are going to achieve what you want?
Time Magazine featured an article on early signs of ambition that included several well-known celebrities. “Oprah Winfrey could read at age 2 and skipped second grade. At age 6, Tiger Woods listened to motivational tapes – I will make my own destiny – while practicing his swing in the mirror. In grade school, Martha Stewart organized and catered neighborhood birthday parties because, she says, ‘The rate of 50 cents an hour for babysitting wasn’t quite enough money.'”
“Not only do we struggle to understand why some people seem to have more ambition than others, but we can’t even agree on just what ambition is.” Anthropologist Edward Lowe, says, “Ambition is an evolutionary product. No matter how social status is defined, there are certain people in every community who aggressively pursue it and others who aren’t so aggressive.”
Dean Simonton, UC Davis says, “Ambition is energy and determination, but it calls for goals too. People with goals but no energy are the ones who wind up sitting on the couch saying ‘One day I’m going to…’ People with energy but no clear goals just dissipate themselves in one desultory project after the next.”
This week’s focus is on ambition. Do you have a strong desire for success, achievement or distinction? Do you think that ambition is learned or genetic? Is it okay to want fame or power? Do you have energy and determination when it comes to creating and achieving your goals?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1042: Cooperation
July 25, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1042: Cooperation
Cooperation – the action of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit.
Is it easy for you to move on after a conflict? Would your co-workers, family or friends say you’re good at working together for the common good?
This week features another great article from The Better Newsletter by Sam Horn.
ANECDOTE
One rainy day when my son Andrew was young, he got bored and used some crayons to turn our wall into a colorful mural.
I was not a happy camper. In the midst of letting him know this, he looked up and said, “Mom, can we have a FRESH START?“
Two words. Anger over.
What a shining example of how words can transform and transcend conflict.
Instead of creating anger or isolation, the right words can help us create cooperation and connection.
Saying “Fresh start?” can help clear the air, close the books on what’s gone wrong, make things right, and move everyone forward – for good.
Let’s be the bridge between conflict and cooperation.
ACTION
- Words matter, every one of them. Let’s promise to stop using extreme words like always, never, everyone and no one. Why is this important? Because extreme words trigger extreme reactions.
- Next time you’re about to use an extreme word, stop and ask yourself, “Is that true? What is true?” It’s important to make a specific, accurate observation instead of a sweeping accusation.
- Then respond by asking for what you DO want instead of what you DON’T.
This week’s focus is all about cooperation. Are you good at working together for a common purpose or benefit? Are you able to accept cooperation and connection in the midst of feeling anger?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1041: Spontaneity
July 18, 2024 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1041: Spontaneity
Spontaneity – the ability to go with the flow.
How easy is it for you to “just go with the flow?” Do you find yourself so caught up in getting things accomplished or completing your to-do list that you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you get irritated, get angry or even worse, go into fits of rage when your plans don’t work the way you want them to?
Spontaneity is all about allowing yourself to accept what the universe puts in front of you. Sometimes you have no control over it. I love completing my to-do list and I love it when things work exactly as I have planned. But there are just times when no matter how hard I try, I encounter road blocks.
In order to deal with those little frustrations, I came up with a game that I call “Planned Spontaneity.” This game has saved me so much stress and unhappiness that I feel compelled to share it with you.
How many times have you had interruptions when you are traveling? I can’t tell you how many times one of my flights has been delayed or cancelled. And there isn’t anything that I can do about that. I have no control over the weather or mechanical failures. I don’t get to fly the plane! Nor am I qualified to do that!
And yet, I have seen people go into fits because a thunder storm has grounded the plane. Who wants to get on a plane that might crash? It always amazes me to see grown men and women have what appears to be a “temper tantrum” in public.
Before I travel I go right into my game of “Planned Spontaneity.” I do the same when I have company coming. When I set myself up to accept whatever happens, it is so easy to go with the flow.
Where in your life could you benefit by “Planned Spontaneity?” This week focus on going with the flow. How does it make you feel to not have a set plan and to experience being in the moment?
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