Word-Of-the-Week #2024: Choices
March 26, 2026 by Susan Clarke
Choices – what we make consciously or unconsciously every day.
Are you living a life that is true to yourself and not what others expect of you? Do you have the courage to express your feelings?
This week features the “Top Five Regrets of the Dying” by Bronnie Ware from the “Points to Ponder” section from Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor.
“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with them for the last few weeks of their lives, We shared some incredibly special and intimate times.
People grow a lot when they’re faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal.
As expected, each experienced a variety of emotions: denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually, acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about regrets they had or anything they wished they would have done differently, these five common themes surfaced again and again:
- I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Live A Life True to Myself, Not the Life Others Expected of Me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it’s easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people hadn’t honored even a half of their dreams and died knowing this was due to choices they’d made … or not made.
It’s very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. The moment you lose your health, it’s too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it.
- I Wish I Didn’t Work So Hard.
This came from every male patient I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it’s possible to not need the income you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
- I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Express My Feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We can’t control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a new and healthier level … or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
- I Wish I’d Stayed in Touch with My Friends.
Often they wouldn’t truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they’d let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they’re dying.
It’s common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you’re faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But money or status don’t hold the true importance for them.
They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they’re too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That’s all that remains in the final weeks: love and relationships.
- I Wish I’d Let Myself Be Happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many didn’t realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They’d stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called “comfort” of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you’re on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you’re physically dying.
Life is a choice. It’s YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
This week’s focus is on choices. Are you spending more time at work or with your family? Are you keeping in contact with your friends? If you were told you only had 6 months to live, would you live your life any differently?
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