Word-Of-the-Week #821: Upbeat
April 30, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #821: Upbeat
Upbeat – optimistic; happy; cheerful.
Have you been able to stay upbeat with all the uncertainty? Under normal conditions would you say your glass is half full or half empty? Have you wasted energy worrying about things that you have little or no control over?
This week features Phil Blair’s UT article “Coping with the worst by positively thinking our best.”
“This may be an odd time to talk about the value of positive thinking and keeping a positive attitude.
With so much uncertainty, everything seems to be in flux. So many questions…
When will the sickness and deaths finally peak and begin to fall?
When will employers whose businesses have been deemed “not essential” be permitted to call back their furloughed employees?
When will we ever feel comfortable shaking hands and hugging each other again?
We don’t have many answers and we may not for quite a while longer. We do know, however, that our psychological moods and outlook will have either a positive or negative effect on our powers of resiliency.
While social distancing reduces transmission of the coronavirus, it also increases our anxiety, frustrations and loneliness. How we deal with all of this uncertainty becomes up to each of us.
Staying upbeat and positive are core emotions to successfully coping with this crisis. More than ever, it’s important that we do our best to create moments of happiness in our lives.
Behavioral research shows that positive emotions help undo the negative effects of stress. Plus, we feel so much better when we laugh and see the humor in situations.
I came across a set of “how to cope” suggestions offered by Lea Waters, a psychology professor at Australia’s University of Melbourne and one of the world’s experts on positivity.
Even for “normal” times, I heartily endorse them:
- Savor the small moments: The wonderful smell of coffee, the feel of a warm shower, the warmth of a sunny day. Rather than ignoring these small moments, let our brains process the pleasure, which boosts our serotonin, the feel-good neurotransmitter that helps elevate our mood and makes us feel calm.
- Strengthen our connections: Take time to hug your kids or partner, look them in the eyes, have long conversations with them. These gestures promote closeness and also boost oxytocin, a hormone that bonds people and also has a calming effect on our bodies. When oxytocin levels spike, they tell your body to switch off cortisol, the stress hormone.
- Look for the good in others: Crises, like the pandemic we are living through right now, can bring out the worst and the best in human nature. Think about the uplifting YouTube videos of British families singing “One Day More” from Le Misérables, with the lyrics changed to reflect the humor in their current locked- down lives.
Or the lady coming out of the restroom with two obvious rolls of toilet paper under her T-shirt. And my favorite, the man who’s asked to make a choice between these two options: 
Either a) Spend another month locked down with his wife and 3-year-old, or b) which he instantly chooses without even hearing what it might be.
- Try to see the good in people: I freely admit that I’m an eternal optimist, almost to a fault.
My cup is not only half full, but most days, as Shakespeare might say, it doth runneth over. I always try to see the good in people until they prove me wrong.
Worrying about something we have little to no control over is a waste of energy. Which is different from thinking about and studying a problem to find the best solution.
Worrying sucks all the energy and joy out of a person with no benefiting results. If we and our loved ones are all doing all the smart things to avoid contacting this virus, then let’s not spend time worrying to extremes about the virus.
Instead, let’s spend that time laughing at it and enjoying the funny jokes that are coming out every day.
We can either surround our lives with negative, doomsday, “the sky is falling” kinds of people or with positive, upbeat folks who are making the best of a bad situation.
We are all in this for at least another month, maybe longer.
Let’s all make the best of it, find the humor, find the touching stories of people helping other people.
Most of all, think about all the people out there that we can all hardly wait to give a big ol’ hug when this is all over.”
This week’s focus is on being upbeat. Do you realize that worrying sucks all the energy and joy out of a person with no benefiting results? Do you know that behavioral research shows that positive emotions help undo the negative effects of stress? Have you been able to laugh and find humor in your life?
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Word-Of-the-Week #820: FUN
April 29, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #820: FUN
Fun – a source of enjoyment, amusement, or pleasure.
When was the last time you felt enjoyment? Or did something that brought you pleasure? Are you playing any board games?
This week features the second half of LA Times Travel Editor Catharine Hamm’s article “Bored at home? How to cope and overcome ‘the nothing to do’ syndrome while travel is postponed.”
To Recap: “Feeling bored, disoriented and cranky now that you’ve put your travel plans on hold and your suitcase away? You have company — lots of it. For many of us, travel has its own rewards, including its role as a stress reliever.
Now what? Most of us are staying closer to home, by design or edict, and the absence of travel’s pleasures can lead to boredom, which, Forman said, is a common complaint.
Play – Reconnect
- Look ahead. “Plan, plan, plan, imagine, get ready!” said Rebecca Kiki Weingarten, co-founder of and educational director for RWRNetwork.org, a nonprofit for people and groups in what she calls “suddenly changed circumstances.”
“Use this time to plan travel in ways you haven’t before,” she said in an email: Maybe a deep dive into the destination. Maybe learning a bit (or all) of the language, trying out some recipes, learning about the culture in a way you haven’t before, scoping out out-of-the-way sites that you wouldn’t have thought of, studying native art, fashion, styling, sports that you can check out before you go.”
- Fill the void with fun. “Boredom leads to negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors: ruminating, worrying about a pandemic we can’t control, keeping a count of illness found in your neighborhood, constantly taking your temperature and being paranoid about symptoms,” Weingarten said.
“Boredom can lead to anxiety and compulsive behavior — eating/drinking too much and worse.
“So I always recommend to clients and groups to ‘substitute.’ Can’t do this? Do that. Don’t enjoy this? Try that. And so on. Nature abhors a vacuum, so fill the time, energy, space with good, fun, interesting things.”
- Look back and be grateful. The reward, Forman said, is “the ability to actually sit with one’s memories and really remember the wonderful experiences.”
For instance, he grew up in Tampa, Fla., and Walt Disney World was a destination he looked forward to. The theme park may have been wonderful, but one time the family got caught in a thunderstorm and were so soaked that they had to buy new clothes, something he remembered with pleasure.
“Just remembering how fortunate you were to have experienced what you did can fill you with a kind of gratitude that we sometimes forget,” he said.
He just canceled a spring vacation with his family. “When we [do] go away, it will be that much sweeter,” he said.
The pandemic won’t last forever. It will end, he said. And then …
“The next time you’re on vacation and you see the most extraordinary view, bookmark it,” he said. You’ll be able to say, “‘I saw it, I experienced it. It was wonderful.’”
Then summon it, he said, when you need it most.”
This week’s focus is on having some FUN! Have you planned any travel for when this is all over? Have you tried any new or interesting things? Are you able to be grateful for wonderful experiences and the memories that go with them?
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Word-Of-the-Week #819: Coping
April 16, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #819: Coping
Coping – dealing with difficulties and acting to overcome them.
How well are you dealing with the difficulties the quarantine has caused? How is your boredom level?
This week features the first half of LA Times Travel Editor Catharine Hamm’s article “Bored at home? How to cope and overcome ‘the nothing to do’ syndrome while travel is postponed.”
“Feeling bored, disoriented and cranky now that you’ve put your travel plans on hold and your suitcase away? You have company — lots of it. For many of us, travel has its own rewards, including its role as a stress reliever.
“Travel relieves stress because you are removed from the monotony of your daily life,” said Dr. Howard Forman, attending psychiatrist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York, “and many of the things that lead to stress are taken out of your hands and put into hands of other people,” including those everyday tasks such as fixing dinner, keeping the house clean and, if you have kids, making sure homework is done.
Now what? Most of us are staying closer to home, by design or edict, and the absence of travel’s pleasures can lead to boredom, which, Forman said, is a common complaint. 
Here, then, are some ideas about facing down the tedium.
- Play. “Adults don’t play!” you may say. But why not? Especially when you consider how beneficial it can be.
That doesn’t necessarily mean kickball or hopscotch, unless you want it to.
“Think about the invigorating effect of a date night with your spouse,” Oksana Hagerty, an educational and developmental psychologist, and learning specialist at Beacon College in Leesburg, Fla., said in an email.
“Or a picnic that, for all the mosquitoes, dust and lukewarm Coke, leaves you happy and refreshed? How about a bath with rosewater and candles?”
“Some ideas of play … might be ‘pretending’ to be a healthy eater (by the end of the quarantine you might get used to eating broccoli instead of French fries, but if not — it was play, not a big deal). Or starting ‘a new life’ altogether — some of it might stick, but again, no hard feelings if not.
“As long as we agree that some of what we do can be free, uncertain and governed by the rules that make-believe does not have to be productive, the tedious hours of social isolation won’t be as bad.”
- Reconnect. Try “getting in touch with your body in some way or another,” said Dr. A. Chris Heath, a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst in Dallas. “Walk. Feel the sun and breeze. Try stretching exercises. You don’t have to have a class to do it.”
Maybe resume playing a musical instrument you once dropped, Heath said. “It’s not just a way to make the time pass and not just a way to exercise your mind. It connects your mind with your body again.” When the body and mind interact, “it gets you back in touch with yourself.”
This week’s focus is on coping. Have you come up with any stress relievers? Do you realize all the benefits that come with playing at anything? What are you doing to reconnect with yourself?
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Word-Of-the-Week #818: Reflection
April 9, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #818: Reflection
Reflection – giving careful thought to and at length.
With all the craziness of this virus have you taken time for careful introspective thought?
This poem, written by a Friar in Ireland, was sent to me by my sweet sister Lurene almost a month ago. Then Bill Marvin included it in his post on March 27th. I am hoping things will be better sooner than later.
Lockdown
Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,—
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.
– Fr. Richard Hendrick, OFM – March 13th, 2020
This week’s focus is on reflection. Do you know how very important it is for people to know what gives them meaning? Do you know how hard that is to figure out if you are not connecting with yourself and taking the time to be introspective?
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Word-Of-the-Week #817: Reframe
April 2, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #817: Reframe
Reframe – to think in a new or different way.
Has your normal daily routine changed significantly in the last month? How easy has it been to adapt to the changes? Have you used this time to start a hobby or learn something new?
This is the 2nd half of “A psychologist’s science-based tips for emotional resilience during the coronavirus crisis” by Jelena Kecmanovic.
To recap: “How can we respond to the coronavirus situation in a way that will preserve our psychological well-being? The following science-based approaches can help.
Accept negative emotions – Reinvent self-care
- Create new routines
“It’s normal to be unsettled and concerned about the upending of life as we know it. “Humans find comfort and safety in the predictability of the routines of daily living,” said John Forsyth, a professor of psychology at the University at Albany in New York and co-author of “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders.” As our lives have dramatically changed overnight, many are struggling with finding ways to deal with the new reality. “We have two children home from college, along with a girlfriend of one, and another high-schooler who is distance-learning,” said Jane Legg, an elementary school teacher from Bethesda, Md. “It’s like a lot of people cramped in a small ship, all trying to get their work done.”
Although many people escape from reality by Netflix binging, cookie indulging or marathon Fortnite playing, be mindful of over-relying on these distraction strategies. Instead, studies have shown that planning and executing new routines that connect you to what really matters in life is the best recipe for good mental health.
It’s important to establish structure, predictability and a sense of purpose with these new routines. “It’s good for adults and crucial for children to stick to regular wake-up, grooming and meal times. Where and how everyone works and plays at home should also be planned, while understanding that we all need to be flexible and adapt as needed,” said Deborah Roth Ledley, a clinical psychologist in Philadelphia and co-author of “The Worry Workbook for Kids.”
In the time after work is done, use the opportunity to enrich your life. “The most helpful routines are the ones that meet essential human needs for competence and relatedness,” said Joel Minden, a clinical psychologist at the Chico Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy and an author of “Show Your Anxiety Who’s Boss.”
For example, this might be the perfect moment to learn to play that guitar that has been lying in the corner, or to master French. YouTube lessons abound. You can also teach your children all those skills we often don’t get to share in the era of overscheduling and helicopter parenting: cooking, laundry, balancing a checkbook, dealing with airline agents, building a ramp for the grandparents. These lessons will make them more resilient as they go off to college or move away from home.
- Reflect, relate and reframe
Nobody knows how long the pandemic will last or how long it will be until we can resume our regular lives. Even worse, many people are worried that they may be laid off and lose their livelihoods. The pervasive uncertainty of the situation makes it hard to plan a course of action and creates a high level of stress. To add insult to injury, our typical ways of de-stressing, such as working out in a gym, watching sports, meeting for happy hours with co-workers or hanging out with groups of friends, have largely come to a halt.
It might help to realize that these trying times offer several avenues for psychological growth and an opportunity to deepen our relationships with the people in our household and beyond. “Start a family book club or watch Harry Potter movies together. When else will you all be home to do that?” Roth Ledley said.
Leverage audio and video technology to stay in touch with others. As the usual hectic tempo of our busy lives recedes, taking time to savor heart-to-heart conversations with family members or friends will probably result in stronger social connectedness going forward.
This crisis also offers an unexpected chance to check in with yourself. “I think that this is an opportunity for slowing down and reflecting on life,” Eastman said. What brings you meaning when the noise of modern life quiets down? Have your priorities reflected what truly matters to you? As the usual pursuits of status and money are put on hold, where do you find your life purpose and transcendence?
Finally, keep in mind that experiencing stress and negative emotions can have positive consequences. Studies show that people who go through very difficult life experiences can emerge from them with a stronger sense of psychological resilience, rekindled relationships and a renewed appreciation of life. Some describe starting to live more fully and purposefully. With care and planning, we, too, can stay psychologically strong during the pandemic and perhaps even grow from this transformative experience.”
This week’s focus is to reframe. Have you created new routines that connect you to what really matters in life? Are you taking time to get outdoors? Are you having heart-to-heart conversations with family and friends?
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