Word-Of-the-Week #712: Boundaries
March 29, 2018 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #712: Boundaries
Boundaries – the limits you define in relationship to someone or to something.
How easy is it for you to leave work? How often do you take work home with you? Do you feel guilty if you’re not the first person (or last) at the office?
This Inc. article from Marla Tabaka seemed like the perfect follow up to last week’s Unplug. “Out of office (really) How to leave work behind at the end of the day.”
“You can turn off your computer at the end of the day, but shutting down work-related thoughts isn’t as simple as pushing a button.
An inability to disengage from work has its consequences, including high stress levels, lowered productivity and damaged relationships. It also puts you in danger of being seen as a very dull person.
A client recently told me that her older sister confessed to missing their little sister because all she talks about is work. Where’s the fun in that?
Working from a home office for about 20 years has forced me to find little tricks to successfully separate my work and personal life. These simple steps can make a big difference.
- View your disengagement as productive
Setting goals is important and setting boundaries gives us the energy and clarity to achieve them.
I recently bumped into an acquaintance in a coffee shop who rambled on about why it was OK that he chose to sleep an extra 30 minutes instead of racing to the office. Obviously, he was trying to talk himself into believing it, and I was happy to be a sounding board. But this is a silly thing to feel guilty about. How can a person be productive when he or she is exhausted?
Study after study shows the importance of resting the mind and body. You’ll be clear-headed and productive when you nurture your relationships, eat right and get enough sleep.
You are achieving something important when you take yourself out of work mode.
- End the day on a good note
Leaving work with an incomplete project or a problem weighing on your mind makes it difficult to disconnect. To close out your day, send a signal to your brain telling it to switch to something pleasant and let the problems rest until you intentionally switch back into work mode.
Make a phone call to thank or compliment someone, scratch some things off your to-do list or jot down a couple of positive things about your day. Sometimes it’s a stretch to find the good in a particularly difficult day, but believe me, it’s there.
- Straighten up your office
When I walk out of a messy office, it leaves me with a nagging feeling that I’ve left something undone. Why carry frustration into the next segment of your day? My daily clean-up ritual signals the end of the day for me, and I walk away with a sense of accomplishment. Being organized also saves an immense amount of time, once again adding to increased productivity.
- Connect with someone outside of work
When you call a friend, your brain switches gears, setting you up to move into your personal agenda. Make the conversation about the friend rather than your work, especially if you’ve had a stressful day. Instead of opening up an opportunity for negativity, avoid asking the standard, “How was your day?” and ask about the good or exciting things that happened since you last spoke.”
This week’s focus is on boundaries. Would your family or friends say “all you ever talk about is work”? How often do you leave work on a positive note? What can you do to “switch gears” so you can move into your personal agenda quicker?
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Word-Of-the-Week #711: Unplug
March 22, 2018 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #711: Unplug
Unplug – the state of being disconnected from electronic devices.
This topic just doesn’t seem to want to go away! Which leads to me to believe it’s a much bigger problem than we think? Did you know they actually have a National Day of Unplugging?
“Unplug for a day” by LA Times author Catherine Price offers good advice for those of you who are addicted to your digital devices.
“My husband and I did an experiment several years ago that sounds simple, but changed our lives. It began like this: As we sat down for dinner on a Friday night, I lighted a candle, we each took a deep breath – and we turned our phones off.
Not airplane mode. Not “Do not disturb”. All the way off. For the next 24 hours, we observed what’s often called a digital Sabbath: We completely disconnected from screens, including phones, tablets and computers.
It was eye-opening. At first, we had to resist a constant urge to reach for our phones. But by the next morning, we were surprised to notice our attitudes beginning to shift – and our twitchiness beginning to fade.
In just one day, we took a long walk, read and cooked a nice meal. I felt more grounded, as if I were getting back in touch with a part of myself I hadn’t realised was missing. When the time came to turn our phones back on, we did so somewhat reluctantly and felt much less compelled to check them.
When I told other people about our experience, they were intrigued yet scared – mobile connectivity has become integral to our lives, after all. The trick, I’ve realised, is to prepare.
The National Day of Unplugging (March 9 and 10) is an event organised by Reboot, a non-profit that creates new ways for people to observe traditions such as a Sabbath day. Here are my suggestions for how to make the experience easier and more rewarding.
- Set your rules. Are you just taking a break from your phone? Or are you avoiding any Internet-enabled devices with screens, including tablets, smartwatches and laptops?
- Warn people. Tell your parents, friends, boss or anyone else who is likely to try to contact you that you will be unplugged.
- Get others on board. Ideally, everyone in your household should participate. Recruit a friend or post on social media what you’ll be doing and invite others to join you.
- Make plans. Schedule enjoyable activities in advance. Make a coffee date with a friend. Put a book you have been meaning to read on your coffee table.
Print out a recipe you want to try. Dust off a musical instrument. If your whole family is observing a digital Sabbath, pull out a board game or plan a hike.
- Set up autoreplies. The fear of missing a text message keeps many of us tethered to our phones. The solution is a text message auto-responder, saying you’ll reply the next day. Do the same thing for your e-mail.
- Use call forwarding. Go ahead and send your smartphone calls to your landline, if you have one. My philosophy is that I’m taking a break from screens, not from other human beings. So I put no restriction on landline calls — they represent live contact with people.
- Get it in writing. Write down phone numbers of people you might want to call. Also, if you’ll be navigating someplace new, print or write out the directions. You can always ask for directions from a real person.
- Keep a list. Note on paper the things you want to do, buy or look up when your 24-hour break is over. You may well find that by the time you turn your phone back on, you no longer care.
Still freaked out by the idea of phonelessness? While writing a book on how we can create healthier relationships with our phones, I asked 150 volunteers to try their own digital Sabbaths and then asked them afterward if they would recommend the experience. The consensus? Definitely.
“It’s an amazing feeling,” wrote one person. “I really expected that there would be a pull toward my phone, but there wasn’t,” wrote another. “It was freeing. I was liberated.”
So go ahead – go dark for a day. If you can’t take it for more than two hours or even two minutes, you can always turn your phone back on. But you might be surprised by how empowering it can be to power down.”
This week’s focus is to uplug. Have you ever turned your devices off? How long did it last? When was the last time you felt truly liberated? Here’s an idea you could spend your “unplugged” time doing random acts of kindness!
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Word-Of-the-Week #710: Kindness
March 15, 2018 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #710: Kindness
Kindness – the quality of being gentle, caring, and helpful.
How would you rate yourself on being caring and helpful? When was the last time you expressed kindness for a complete stranger? How did it make you feel?
We are on a roll now! It is so great to have these WOW’s trigger such wonderful responses. Mary S. wrote, “Thank you Susan! You have not wavered in your message and intent each week over all the years you have been doing your wonderful weekly email.
I will keep this short: Being gracious does not cost anyone anything, therefore, everyone can afford to be even more gracious than they already are (or hopefully are).
With the way today’s world is and the scary things that are happening between human beings, my strong belief is that if each one of us would do just one (or at least one) act of kindness or graciousness each day, this world would have less tragedy, less hate, less negativity.
So let’s start with one random act of kindness each day . . . and then we can double it to two! Now that is a WOW for all of us to get behind and it starts with being Gracious.
I will end as I began, Thank you Susan for all that you do to make this a better place to be!!”
And I think Mary’s on to something! Today’s paper featured “Woman hopes random acts of kindness start a movement” by Diane Bell.
“San Diego visitor Nahla Summers ran onto a train to give fruit and trail mix to a woman who had left her place in a food concession line because her train pulled in and she had to board. The stranger, surprised and delighted, said she would pass the favor forward.
The next day Summers spotted a homeless man rummaging through trash bins. She gave him her energy bar. Its label said “Kind.” That four-letter word symbolizes Summers’ mission. She traveled here from her home in England to San Diego to cycle across the United States with a rallying call for random acts of kindness.
Her trip to St. Augustine, Fla., is 3,055 miles. She hopes, by the time she gets there, those viewing her website and travel blog will have shared stories of at least 3,055 acts of kindness for strangers that were inspired by her journey. She left San Diego on March 3. When I caught up with her by phone on March 11, she had made it to Phoenix.
Summers had pedaled up mountains, crossed a desert and faced a grinding battle against punishing headwinds that made it seem like she was riding a stationary bike. At one point, she even lost her cycling shoes when they were left on top of her escort van. She discovered them on the ground about 60 yards down the road.
Nevertheless, the admittedly inexperienced cyclist remains committed to her cause. Kindness became the only meaning in her life after a sudden heart attack took the life of her longtime partner. First, she raised money for various charitable causes in his memory. “But since then I have realized the power of kindness, how invaluable it is, and how much it is worth more than money in every way. I wanted his memory to be around intangible acts of kindness.”
She tries not to let a single day go by without committing her own act of kindness because “kindness breeds kindness” and inspires future generations to support one another in the community.”
She has a website and a Facebook page that documents her cycling progress.
This week’s focus is on kindness. When was the last time you received a random act of kindness? How did it make you feel? Did it compel you to pay it forward with a random act of kindness? Did you know that February 17 is National Random Acts of Kindness Day?
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Word-Of-the-Week #709: Gracious
March 8, 2018 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #709: Gracious
Gracious – marked by kindness, courtesy, compassion and a generosity of spirit.
How would you rate yourself when it comes to being kind and courteous? How many people do you know that exhibit gracious behavior? Do you think the younger generation is sorely lacking when it comes to manners and courtesy?
I got immediate responses to the last two WOW’s on manners from long time friends. And it triggered the word Gracious which is a quality I aspire to have. It’s not always easy to do and be!
Mary wrote, “This manners WOW really hit a chord with me. Why can’t people just be “polite”? To me, please, thank you, your welcome, how are you, may I help you, I’m sorry, forgive me, what can I do… all these types of questions and statements are so important. And no elbows on the table. Sheesh! Thanks for all you do to keep us informed and make us better people.”
Susan wrote, “Your WOW this week really stirred me to comment. I strongly believe good manners start at home. There is nothing worse in my opinion than an ill behaved child lacking good manners…other than the parents that allow them to behave that way.
While visiting a friend with children ages 7 and 9, I was appalled at how rude and manner less her children were. Needless to say I cut my visit short and the next time we get together will be at a place that serves martinis!
My mother told me when I was pregnant with my first child, “Don’t be the kind of parent that other parents hate to see coming because of your ill mannered child…they never dislike you the parent, they dislike the child.” I understand! 
This is very good advice so THANK YOU for bringing MANNERS to our attention.”
And Joe wrote, “Unfortunately, the biggest group of people who do not have manners are the millennial’s. Part of the problem is that there is an attitude of entitlement. They feel that if they receive something there is no need to thank the other person. That is not how polite society runs.
I can’t tell you how many times I have sent cards to the children of friends or relatives and never received a thank you phone call from either the mother or the child. This is on the mothers raising these kids. They’re raising the next generation, and they are not doing a good job.
Whenever our girls receive a gift from a friend or relative, they MUST send a thank you card that is WRITTEN, not emailed. This is basic courtesy. Kristen has attended showers for a couple of my relations and never received a thank you note or phone call for the gift she purchased. Kristen told me that she doesn’t expect one either.
I’m sure that another reason people use is that they just don’t have the time. When we make time for others that is showing that we respect what they have done for us. When they don’t make time that simply shows they don’t care and are living in a vacuum.
In many instances, these people were never trained properly by their parents in the first place. I don’t know if that can be used as an excuse any more when there are examples of good manners all around us, every day. And people do watch how others act and imitate that behavior. That is human nature.
It is the parents who are going to have to start setting the examples for the kids.”
I am a big believer in sending hand written thank you notes, even if someone has just done a kind gesture. They are greatly appreciated!
This week focus on being more kind, compassionate, and courteous to those people in your life. Your family, your friends, your customers, your clients, and your co-workers. How does it feel to be gracious? How does it make others feel when they are treated graciously?
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Word-Of-the-Week #708: Behavior
March 1, 2018 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #708: Behavior
Behavior – how you act or conduct yourself, especially toward others.
How kind and respectful are you of others’ feelings? Do you have an urge to tell others how they should behave? Would you agree that our society could use more respect for common sense and common decency in the treatment of others?
This week features the second half of the UT article by Phil Blair, “Having good manners always matters – in and out of the office.” He writes, “Simply stated, having good manners is essential, a “must-have” for the workplace – any place, really.
What follows is a sampling of “do’s” and “don’ts” that you should and shouldn’t do. Believe me, there are plenty more.
6) Don’t spread gossip: Idle or otherwise, true or not, spreading gossip can be toxic. By its very nature, gossip is meant to be hurtful, so it’s best left unspoken, especially at work. You wouldn’t want anyone to talk about you behind your back, would you? 
7) Do resist the urge to tell others how to behave: Doesn’t matter if you’re right and they’re wrong. Nobody likes to be told how to live their lives. Besides, what gives you the right to tell others? Nothing, unless you’re asked first. Then be kind and respectful of others’ feelings.
8) Don’t be a whiner: Even if you have plenty to whine about. No one wants to hear your complaints, unless you voice them in a responsible way, usually through the HR department. If you have valid complaints, go through proper channels.
9) Do keep your work area as uncluttered as possible: Perhaps you recall the famous quote of Laurence J. Peter, guru of the “Peter Principle,” who supposedly said: “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” His desk must’ve been a total mess. Who’d want to share an office with him?
10) Don’t mindlessly check your smart phone when someone is speaking to you or when you should be paying attention: That’s one of my pet peeves and we’re all guilty. I’ve done it myself. Sad to say, constantly checking and re-checking our emails, texts and phone messages during business meetings and casual conversations is one of those bad manners that seems unlikely to change.
- On a more serious note, our national workplace culture lately has been shaken by bad behavior – and its consequences — that goes way beyond simply bad manners. Let’s hope a healthier respect for common sense and common decency in the treatment of others begins to take shape.
With good manners leading the way.”
This week’s focus is on your behavior. What kind of an example are you setting? Are you guilty of mindlessly checking your smart phone when someone is speaking to you or when you should be paying attention? Are you the one leading the way with good manners?
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