WOW Word-Of-the-Week #330: Guilt
November 28, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #330: Guilt
Guilt – what selfish people want you to feel.
When was the last time you felt guilty? Was it because someone wanted you to do something you didn’t want to do? Have you ever been shamed into doing something that you didn’t want to do? 
I find that this time of the year people tend to feel guilty. Do you feel obligated to buy someone a gift? Would you rather not exchange gifts at all? Are you expected to do things you just don’t want to do? Are you worried about hurting someone’s feelings? Can you say “No, thank you” without guilt?
There was a time when I was susceptible to other people trying to “lay a guilt trip on me.” And this week I want to share another excerpt from Chapter One of my book, “Nice Girls Do… Things Like That.”
Nail it Down
And just when I thought I was finished with this chapter, I went to get my nails manicured. I have been going to Denise for over thirteen years off and on. I plopped myself into the black leather high-backed chair, plunked my fingers into the warm, sudsy water and proceeded to chat, like we always do. Getting a manicure is such a treat. Well, today Denise started off the conversation by asking, “Susan, do you want to go in with me and Don and buy a cabin in Big Bear? It’s only $50,000 for the down payment.”
Well, I didn’t need to think about it more than a nanosecond. And I blurted out, “No.” Well, Denise was apparently taken aback and appeared to be a little miffed. Her retort was, “I can’t believe you could be so selfish.” I totally ignored her use of the word selfish (I didn’t want to go there) and proceeded to say, “I don’t want to buy a cabin. I don’t want to buy a boat. I don’t want to buy a motor home. The only thing I want to buy is my house. I don’t want any more things that I have to take care of.” Then I changed the subject.
You see, I have learned to not be at the affect of things people say when it simply just doesn’t apply. So the next time out of the blue when your friend says, “Will you loan me your car since mine is in the shop?” and it would be putting you out, will you simply say “No.” Or the next time your sister asks you, “Can you dog sit for me this weekend?” and you’re allergic to the fur, will you simply say, “No.” Will you be able to not feel guilty?
I see parents respond that way to their kids all the time. They don’t need to give an explanation and defend their position. It has taken some time and practice for me to be able to say, “No” and not feel guilty about it or to be at the affect of what other people say.
This week focus on what your needs are for this Holiday Season. Can you make some “new rules” that would take away some of the stress? Can you not be at the affect of things people say when it simply just doesn’t apply? Can you say “No, thank you” without feeling guilty?
Reader Responses
“I should be able to eat my way through this holiday season and not feel guilty….LOL!” – Rosamaria
“I loved this week’s lesson!! Good for you! Cabin in the woods-not at this age. I want heat-comfort-TV-music -good food delivered to my hotel room. Hugs” – Katie
“I have a younger sister to who attempts the guilt business, but I just try to ignore it. As I told my wife recently, my sister is in no position to try to guilt-trip anyone else based on her past. When she or anyone tries to do it I either call them on it or simply ignore it, because I have too many other things in my life that are more important to deal with on a day-to-day basis. People who try to guilt-trip others usually have issues they have not dealt with in their lives, or they are transferring their guilt onto others to make themselves feel better. And I find that it is usually the latter. Maybe because I am more settled and mature in my life, but I don’t buy into the guilt-trip business. Life is too short to even deal with it. As you noted, those who try are usually selfish. Thank you for the word, Susan. Good choice. Take care.” – “Warrior” Joe
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #329: Thankful
November 20, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #329: Thankful
Thankful – appreciative and grateful.
Are you appreciative and grateful for all that you have? Do you acknowledge and thank people when they do something that is of benefit or favorable to you? When you do something kind or giving to someone, do they thank you? How does it make you feel?
This week we celebrate Thanksgiving and I am so grateful for all that I have in my life. I am thankful to be able to travel and experience different cultures. Now that I don’t have to go school, I love learning all the history and the geography. I really enjoy meeting new people and eating good food!
And I am really thankful to be home! We live in a great country with an abundance of everything. (And great paved roads) I have wonderful friends and family and the love of my life! I don’t think it can get any better than that!
And being thankful has its health benefits. Researchers at the University of California-Davis, Cornell and the University of Michigan found that people “who have a plethora of events for which they feel grateful bounce back more quickly from trauma, can undo the negative effects of stress and have lower blood pressure.”
A USA Today article said to, “Notice small things. Experts almost universally agree that some of the most significant blessings are also the most seemingly insignificant acts. Take note of a nice day, a spectacular sunset, a moonlit night.”
This week focus on giving thanks. You can never do it too much. What are you grateful for in your personal and professional life? When was the last time you told your customers, guests, clients, members, friends and family how grateful you are to have them in your life?
Reader Responses
“Wise words.” – Em
“love this, thank you!” – Rosamaria
“Thinking of you and thankful that you are in my life!” – M
“As you note in your word this week, we can never say thank you or be grateful enough in this life. As I walked from the parking lot to the office I looked at the sky and thanked the Lord for another day. While this is certainly the week to be thankful for the tender mercies in our lives, someone remarked on the radio this morning that we should be thankful every day, not just at Thanksgiving. You mentioned the little things. I have made it a point in my life to try to remember the little things in other peoples’ lives, like anniversaries, their children’s birthdays, etc. Picking up the phone to just say hello. A few months ago a high school friend noted in his e-mail that he “owed me a phone call,” as if we were keeping score. I don’t keep score, I just pick up the phone and call – usually without thinking. I do it unconditionally – I don’t expect anything in return. But what I am noticing is that people don’t take the time to simply say “thank you.” That is what is being lost in society. Either people take it for granted that someone remembers them or they just don’t care. And that is the shame. Because no matter how busy all of us are, it does not take that much time to pick up the phone and thank another person. As advanced as we are in communications in our busy society, the technology is actually shutting us off from others. And that is the shame. Because if we don’t interact with PEOPLE, we don’t grow. A little thing I am grateful for is when my two-year-old comes running up to me with her arms wide open when she sees me. That is precious. I am so grateful for that. When my nine-year-old asks me to listen to her read or play the piano. I take the time. Because THESE ARE THE DAYS. And they will never come again. I am grateful for the health and the happiness to be able to enjoy all of it. Great word, Susan. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. It is, indeed, a wonderful life. Take care.” “Warrior” Joe
FUN-travel: Mozambique
November 17, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: Mozambique
The ABC’s of Africa
A = Awesome
B = Bummer
C = Celebration
AA = Awesome Adventure
BB = Big Bummer
OO = Outrageously Overpriced
RBB = Really Big Bummer
TA = Totally Awesome
TAA = Totally Awesome Adventure
VG = Very Good
Day 35 – Thursday, October 7 – Johannesburg to Vilanculos, Mozambique to Benguerra Island – cloudy, light rain, turns clear on island
Collette Greeting Us
- A – 8 am depart for airport – arrive 8:20 for 10:20 flight
- BB – get charged $95 US for overweight bags (most of that is cameras & laptops) plus $8 tax plus $50 for visas
- TA – arrive paradise 12:30 – Marlin Lodge has separate building @ airport w/showers, like a mini Red Carpet Room
- A – short drive to boat, no pier so wade out – 30 minute ride to Marlin Lodge – 17 chalets, elevated on stilts w/deck platforms, reed & stone walls & thatched roofs (only 5 couples here, all honeymooners)
- TA – 5 star! huge room w/indoor & outdoor shower, deck w/hammock & chairs overlooking ocean, steps down to beach w/personal lounge chairs – stocked mini bar
- A – have AC & don’t need it – huge doors w/screens on front & back allow for great breeze
- A – lunch tray filled w/grilled fish, chicken kabobs, salad, cheese, homemade rolls, lemon tart in room
- TA – everything is included w/sunset dhow cruise & island tour
- C – unpack entire bag for first time – feels so good to just “do nothing with nowhere to go” – no agenda and no driving
- C – 7 pm Happy Hour – 7:30 dinner – Potato Spinach Soup to die for – fish & tenderloin – dessert – all VG
Day 36 – Friday, October 8 – Marlin Lodge, Benguerra Island, Mozambique – sunny & perfect
Marlin Lodge Arrival
- A – get to sleep in – wake up 6:15 – have VG filter coffee & milk in room
- A – 9 am Indian Ocean Safari – boat ride to 2 mile reef AKA the Aquarium – see lots of fish all sizes & colors – spectacular hard & soft coral
Welcome Drink
- A – see sand/rock moving – it’s 2 octopus (not sure if they’re having sex or fighting) they are masters of disguise – they completely blend & can instantly change colors w/their environment
- A – stop @ Pansy Island to see Pansy shells – we call them Sand Dollars
- A – back @ 12:30 for another great lunch
- A – 4 pm depart for sunset dhow cruise – beautiful clear sky , good wind – very rustic w/handmade sail – family boat w/2 brothers – throw 100 lb sack of sand for weight when tacking
- C – 7 pm Happy Hour – 7:30 dinner
FF (FUN Facts) – we were told by a friend from South Africa to go to Mozambique instead of the Seychelles because “it is a whole lot less money and just as pretty.” Worked for us!
Day 36 – Saturday, October 9 – Marlin Lodge, Benguerra Island, Mozambique – sunny & perfect
- A – sleep in again w/6:40 wakeup – more VG filter coffee
- A – breakfast to order then walk on beach – huge portions covered by volcanic rock – pounded by waves over 1000’s of years creates moon like craters
Marlin Lodge
- B – attempt to give our dhow captain $4 tip – told he needs $5 for bank – ask front desk to change money & told “they are paid very well, 10 x’s the daily wage, they should be thankful, don’t feel compelled to tip them anything” – Little Piggy’s get nothing!
Island Local
- A – Igor the Iguana, our resident pet perched on privacy wall – suns on our outdoor showerhead
- TA – 4 pm 1st ever African Potato Wrap – lay on wax paper/saran wrap like sheet while entire body is exfoliated, then potato body mask is applied and plastic is wrapped – body heat activates the mask – take shower and have massage of body butter – unbelievable how soft and moist the skin is – feel like big blob of buttery jello – LOVE IT!
- C – BBQ dinner on beach
Day 37 – Sunday, October 10 – Marlin Lodge, Benguerra Island, Mozambique – sunny & perfect
- A – 9 am island drive – 11km in length and 5.5 km wide – deluxe Land Cruiser, automatic power steering – 78 different species of birds – sand dunes, pine trees, numerous types of palms, bushes, shrubs – giant fresh water lake in center – total of 1300 locals in several small villages – only 3 lodges
- TA – virtually near empty beaches w/occasional local passing by
- A – back in time for another VG lunch
- A – sit on deck, see locals boat filled to brim set sail – takes up to 2 hours to get to mainland depending on wind
- A – read & nap on beach
Tow Boat
Day 38 – Monday, October 11 – Vilanculos, Mozambique to Paris, France – windy, humid 70’s
- A – 6 am wake up to overnight rain
- A – 10:45 boat depart to Vilanculos – arrive & transferred to van (feet washed & toweled dry by staff) then take city tour – shopping stop at home that sells local artists jewelry, carvings, fabrics – great deal! get 6 gifts for only $25 US
North Shore
- A – get to airport 12:30 for 2 pm flight – same nice lounge w/shrimp, tenderloin, fruit, chips snacks
- TA – overweight bag fees waived (Collette from Marlin Lodge called) turns out only dive equipment is waived but supervisor ok’d it this one time
- C – stay @ lodge feels like 4 perfect Sunday’s all in a row!
- A – arrive Joburg on time – flight to Paris on time
- B – Air France Business Class not as nice as Delta
Mozambique Recap: Absolutely the place to go to relax and/or to enjoy water sports. This is a honeymooner’s paradise. Very remote, quiet and peaceful. Stephen said four days would be too much. NOT SO for me! Chris was a bit bored after two days. When I asked Collette (the person who took care of our day to day plans and who greeted us and waved goodbye on the beach) how many stars the Marlin Lodge was she replied, “We are 4 stars but operating at a 5 star level.” And that is what we experienced. Definitely 2 thumbs up!
FUN-travel: Namibia – Part 2
November 16, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: Namibia – Part 2
The ABC’s of Africa
A = Awesome
B = Bummer
C = Celebration
AA = Awesome Adventure
BB = Big Bummer
OO = Outrageously Overpriced
RBB = Really Big Bummer
TA = Totally Awesome
TAA = Totally Awesome Adventure
VG = Very Good
Day 31 – Sunday, October 3 – Swakopmund – cold low 60’s
Sylvester the Seal
- A – 9 am Atlantic Ocean Safari – Boat Cruise in Walvis Bay
- TA – 9:30 Seal Show on boat – 3 different seals jump on – can pet them
- A – Cape Corinth sits on captain’s shoulder
- A – 11:00 Bottle Nose Dolphin Show
- A – see huge cape fur seal colony & flamingos
- A – 11:30 champagne, oysters, snacks
- A – arrive back to room 1 pm before next adventure
- RBB – in bathroom, front door open, hear kids yelling – go out, tell me my purse was stolen by 2 boys – attempt pursuit
- A – Peter (my angel) owns Cornerstone Guesthouse across street (met him this morn) is just pulling out & takes the 6 boys to find the thieves
- B – 1:45 have pickup for next adventure now & must leave – no word on the purse
- A – 3 hour Aerial Safari – see Spitzkoppe, Namibia’s Matterhorn, vast granite dome rising 700 m, sw side same height as Empire State building, vertical rock w/o ledges or breaks is highest continual rock wall in SA, fly between them – YIKES! – then see Brandberg, huge wilderness of volcanic rock – then Skeleton Coast, littered w/whalebones, shipwrecks, remains of sailors & explorers – then Cape Cross – largest breeding colony of Cape fur seals & they are the largest of the species
Pelicans
- A – arrive back & purse was found!
Donny the Dolphin
- BB – completely emptied – only thing of real value are prescription sunglasses (cell phone had rang at 3 am, thought it was off, have no idea who called, took out to recharge along w/my travel mouse) – lesson learned from past travel – thieves will throw away everything of no value to them – go to 4 block area where they were spotted & dig through trash cans
- TA – I am a LUCKY GIRL! what are the chances – find sunglasses after checking 10 trash cans – never find anything else (biz cards, travel log notes, pens, lipstick, thumb drive – nothing expensive & that can’t be replaced) – thank goodness I had updated my travel log on Friday
- C – take walk to find FUN place for dinner – pick Noona’s – meet Wayne, local guide (quite a character) & English couple I met from breakfast – good calamari pasta & cheap house wine
Skeleton Coast
Not so FF (FUN Facts) – Tourists are targets and so are purses. I never carry money or credit cards in them, except in transit, and then it never leaves my possession. I assume everyone is out to rob me. I put everything in the safe upon arrival. I have never been violated in my hotel room until now. New travel rule: we will never stay in rooms that are vulnerable to the street. Every place we have stayed so far was gated and walled, clearly for that reason.
Day 32 – Monday, October 4 – Swakopmund to Twyfelfontein – cold 60’s, windy, thick ominous clouds, distant thunder, light rain
Roadside Stand
- A – depart 8 am – drive up Skeleton Coast – see ship wreck – lots of flat sand scattered w/mounds of thick green ground cover – gravel roads return – stop in small town of Uis – landscape of red, brown, black hills, rolling & jagged mountains some w/huge boulders balanced on top of one another, then flat topped, dry grass color of wheat
- A – arrive 1:30Twyfelfontein – windy pleasant low 80’s
- A – 3 pm drive to see sandstone rock paintings and engravings – largest concentration dating from 2000 to 6000 yrs old – very steep walk up, uneven rocky steps & thick, soft sand – stark white barren trees & silvery gray dry shrubs & grasses contrast deep red/brown sandstone boulders – then drive to burnt mountain – ancient volcanic rock formations
- B – roads like driving on a grate – shake & shimmy, shake & shimmy
Day 33 – Tuesday, October 5 – Twyfelfontein to Erindi Private Game Reserve – cool morning, high clouds – hot by noon
Rock Art
- B – 7:30 am depart – more gravel roads
- A – 9:30 HEAVEN! tarmac roads
- A – stop @ Petrified Forest – pine trees from central Africa deposited from great flood 280,000,000 years ago
- B – supposed to stay @ Erongo Wilderness Lodge – tented chalets w/thatched roofs built on raised wooden decks around large boulders on stilts – overbooked
- A – Erindi is 5 star! has AC & CNN! waterhole next to dining room & huge deck – lots of animals
Kalahari Ferrari
- AA – 4:30 game drive – see 1st ever Black Rhino, Red Hartebeest, Damara dik dik – then find pride of 4 lions lounging @ waterhole
- C – fabulous dinner & entertainment featuring Roxy & Ray the Rhinos (white), elephants, zebra, warthogs
FF – difference between white & black rhinos – white rhinos are larger & are grazers – black rhinos are smaller, more aggressive & are browsers
Day 34 – Wednesday, October 6 – Erindi to Windhoek to Johannesburg
- A – 6:30 – 9 am game drive – see 1st ever African wild dog & African wild cat & the usual suspects
- A – 10 am depart after wonderful breakfast – see 3rd kill – Tawny Eagle w/rabbit on road
- A – stop @ craft market – more carvings, fabrics, masks, etc. – looking for drum for Amy – don’t see so ask & sure enough find perfect one – beautifully carved – only problem, they want $550 Namibian & only have $150
- TA – after much haggling & numerous attempts to walk away, get if for $150 plus change in pocket (roughly $22 US)
- B – more wild fires
- A – get to airport 1:30 for 4:15 flight
- B – delayed – told tires need to cool off
- A – arrive Joburg w/all bags intact (paid $10 to shrink wrap mine)
- C – back to Airport Grand Hotel (where we stayed our first night) – free shuttle – acceptable for transit hotel – clean, decent food, good wine & free internet
FF – Safari lodges require you to sign a waiver that you won’t sue them in the event you are hurt or killed by the animals. (As I write this, I read that a man was mauled by a lion and killed while taking an outside shower this past week)
Sossusvlei
Namibia Recap: The sand dunes were spectacular! The driving got to be a bit monotonous, but I think that is because we had spent the week before driving in Botswana. We wished we would have gone to Etosha, but that would have required a flight. Also, we had already done 9 days of safari which is quite a bit for most people. We loved it! There are always tradeoffs. Another lesson learned: We thought the Skeleton Coast included the Sossusvlei sand dunes. Make sure you’re scheduled for what you think you’re doing to eliminate any disappointment.
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #328: Freedom
November 15, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #328: Freedom
Freedom – the ability to do whatever you want.
Did you know that in South Africa from 1948 until 1994 that Apartheid was the official policy of racial segregation involving political, legal, and
Nelson Mandela Square
economic discrimination against nonwhites? Did you know that Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years before he was released and was elected the first black President? Are you aware that today in several countries people are in prison or under house arrest for their political beliefs?
Do you realize how fortunate we are to live in the US? We have the freedom to speak, the freedom to travel, the freedom of religion, the freedom of our political views. One of the greatest pleasures of our travel to South Africa was experiencing the culture and learning about the history.
“During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.” – Nelson Mandela
Nelson Mandela, who is now 92-years-old, is bigger than life in South Africa. He is such an icon and so well respected by the people. There is concern about what will happen when he dies. They don’t feel they have another leader who can take his place.
This week focus on what freedom means to you. Do you realize how fortunate you are? Have you traveled outside the US lately? What freedoms have you taken for granted?
Reader Responses
“Unfortunately, many of us take freedom for granted. The main reason for this is that a lot of U.S. citizens have never had the opportunity to travel to countries where there is no freedom or the people are very restricted in what they can do, what they can say and where they can go. Many foreigners want to come to the U.S. to experience what we have. There are evenings when I am sitting in my backyard and just grateful for the freedom to sit quietly without being bothered and read my newspaper and drink my coffee. It is to us so basic, yet so big. Or just walking to the park with my girls unimpeded. These are so big. I can’t begin to describe how important they are. While I have traveled out of the country just a few times in my life (Ireland, Mexico, Canada), I have read about the trials and tribulations of people in so many other countries who don’t have what we have. And I am grateful. In this democratic experiment that we call the United States of America, we have taken in many of those peoples and given them the opportunity to live free. What we as American citizens always need to remember is that we can’t take it for granted. It is too precious. Thanks, Susan. Great word. Have a wonderful week. And speaking of gratitute, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Take care.” – “Warrior” Joe