WOW Word-Of-the-Week #318: Self Centered
August 31, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #318: Self Centered
Self Centered – believing that the chief motives of human action are derived from love of self.
Do you believe that it’s important to love yourself? Have you taken the time to find out what you want out of your life and your relationships? Have you found that you have more energy to help others when you have taken time for yourself? The following story is another excerpt from Chapter One of my book, “Nice Girls Do… Things Like That.”
No Same Day Service
Several years ago, my husband at the time, and I were planning a weekend trip to a beach house in Rosarito, Mexico. I had made a list that consisted of 42,000 things to do before this well-deserved vacation. I knew quite well that I would never have enough time to finish everything. But gosh, I am a positive thinker and I knew that I could at least try. At 7:30 a.m., while I was cooking breakfast and packing the food we were taking with us, my husband asked casually, Hey honey, do you think you could change the oil in the truck before we go?’
Yikes! My entire day was planned the night before and he was asking me now? Why couldn’t HE do it? I didn’t have time to change the oil! He had to be kidding. Didn’t he realize that I was already max’d out? How many times has something like this happened to you? How many times has someone asked you to do something at the last minute and it totally throws off your day? How many times has someone’s lack of planning created a crisis that necessitated you dropping everything to accommodate them?
Self Centered
Unfortunately, it happens all too often. For whatever reason, I decided that I wasn’t going to do that anymore. I don’t know where they came from, but these fantastic words popped out of my mouth, “No same day service.” I decided that if anyone, my husband included, wanted me to do anything for them that they would have to ask prior to the day they wanted it done. You can imagine my husband’s response! He had trained me to drop everything for him and now I was trying to change that. It was time to be retrained!
So the next time a co-worker asks yet again, “Will you cover for me while I take a long lunch?” Or your husband asks, “Honey, will you iron my shirt?” as you are walking out the door to go to work. Or your child asks you five minutes before they have to catch the bus for school, “Mom, I need a sack lunch for the field trip today.” will you say, “No Same Day Service.” Or here’s another idea, announce this to your family, friends, and co-workers before you are faced with yet again another last minute crisis!
This week I want you to focus on being self-centered. Can you see how adopting “No Same Day Service” will reduce your level of stress and unhappiness as well? How would it feel to have that weight lifted? Are you willing to create a sense of balance by taking one step back and taking care of your “self?”
Readers Responses
“You’re writing to me lately!” – Sandra
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #317: Selfish
August 24, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #317: Selfish
Selfish – caring only about yourself and your own needs.
Were you told as a child “don’t be selfish?” Do you know the difference between selfish and self centered? Does the word selfish create a positive or negative thought to you?
When I was young girl I remember my mother saying to me, “Nice Girls Don’t Do Things Like That.” At one of my speeches I changed the word Don’t to Do and created a new speech with that title. Then when I was giving that speech an audience member wanted to buy my book. Since I didn’t have that one, I started writing “Nice Girls Do…Things Like That.” My mother since died and I met the love of my life and it just wasn’t important any more. But I did get the first chapter done! I will be sharing excerpts that include personal stories from me and other women in the next several WOW’s.
Outdated Behavioral Belief #1: Nice Girls…Are Self-less (this applies to men too)
Selfish Sister
Several years ago, my sister (who worked for me at the time) and I were having what I thought was a discussion. Since she’s seven years older, she believes she has the God-given right to tell me when I’m “wrong.” So exasperated because I wouldn’t give in and go along with what she wanted me to do, she let me have it with both barrels.
“Susan,” she said, “You are so selfish.” Without batting an eye, I replied, “Yes, I am. And I have been working on that the last few years.” You can imagine her reaction. Being selfish is supposed to be a “bad” thing. I have learned, (the hard way, I might add,) being selfish is a good thing . . . on balance. Let me explain.
Do you believe that it is okay to value your needs and rights, occasionally putting yourself first? I think so. Do you often shove your needs aside and honor other people’s priorities, at our own expense. How can we possibly care for someone else if we never take care of ourselves? We are not meant to survive like that. Being selfish simply means taking responsibility for making sure your needs don’t get trampled. Being selfish simply means you don’t allow yourself to be left out of the mix. You can still serve others – however you make sure you are served in the process. It’s keeping things equitable, instead of sacrificing your desires at another’s request.
This week I want you to think about what selfish means to you. When was the last time someone accused you of being selfish? Was it because you were not doing what they wanted you to? When was the last time you did something for you?
Reader Responses
“Write that book! Great excerpt. Hope your party was fun. Chicago was rewarding but sad…my mother in law has no more than a month left. She has been know as selfish…what a great gal!” – Lorna
“This subject brings up a lot of memories for me. My life turned around for me about ten years ago when I realized I’d been unhappy in a relationship for about 8 years. There wasn’t anything particularly wrong with my partner; it’s just that I was trapped by her use of guilt and I felt responsible for her happiness. One of the more influential books on the subject I’ve read was written by Harry Browne, a former Libertarian presidential candidate. He writes ” When someone accuses you of being selfish, just remember that he’s upset only because you are’t doing what HE selfishly wants you to do.” The greatest gifts in life are given by the truly selfish. Keep up the good work. Hasta luego y mucho smoocho” – Bob
“WOW!! This one spoke to me this morning. Thank you. I think I might be a little selfish today!” – Sandra
“You’ve gone and done it AGAIN! I cannot believe you have not written that book. You have a wealth of talent gained from your career(s). I am sure you’ve heard that inside of everyone is a “book”! I have a feeling that inside you is an encyclopedia – a panacea. I have written a book about the Comer Family; it is in the final drafting stages and already tops more than 300 pages. For God’s sake! Do us all a favor and finish that book! It may take your career in a whole new direction. And, you have fun writing.” – PC
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #316: Proud
August 18, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #316: Proud
Proud – how children want their parents to feel about them.
Would you agree that you wanted your parents to be proud of you? Do you remember the first time your mother or father told you they were proud of you? Do you tell your children, grand children or staff that you are proud of them?
When Mary Marcdante, one of my speaker buddies, was writing her book, “My Mother, My Friend” back in the 90’s she asked me, “When was the first time your mother told you she was proud of you?”
Embarrassing to say, there was a long silence and then I replied, “My mother has never told me she was proud of me.” I remember feeling kind of sad because I could not answer her question. Is it assumed that all parents tell their children they are proud of them?
The good news is, my mother did tell me she was proud of me in 1999. I remember the day vividly. My biological father was diagnosed with liver cancer on Friday and was dead the following Thursday. Fortunately I was there to handle all the last minute details with banking and all. We had gone to lunch that day and that is when she said, “I am so proud of you for taking care of your father. (We had been estranged at one point for seven years, but that’s another story.) I just jumped in and did what had to be done.
On Our Panama Canal Trip
What made me choose the word proud this week? The man who has been “my father” for the last 44 years. As you know, he broke his foot July 4th weekend, and the good news he healed very quickly. Last week we took him out for dinner and he announced, “I am no longer going to drive.” I can’t imagine giving up my car! It’s total freedom. I am so proud of him for being smart enough to know that it’s time to stop driving and not putting us in the position of “taking it away from him.”
This week I want you to think about what proud means to you. Who are you proud of? When is the last time you told them?
Reader Responses
“Family is so important in everyone’s life, it is hard for me to imagine being estranged, but understand how it happens. My mother abandoned our family when I was a teenager, but we (my brother, sister & me) hung in there with her when she finally reappeared. Today she is 90 years old, lives in an assistance care facility, but is able to take care of herself. She is such a pain to all & just doesn’t realize what we went through growing up under those conditions….I am so proud of my siblings because of the character & strength they showed in the past and continue to show in spite of my mother’s best efforts to make life miserable.” – Dick
“You have a ‘real gift’ when writing personal stories; this one is a good illustrated example. You took your readers back to your biological father and then advanced to the man who has actually been your father for four decades. But, the art behind your sentence structure was your careful ‘gift’. You bridged the years by letting us know you were proud of his decision to give up driving. Good heart-warming story.” – pc
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #315: Enthusiasm
August 11, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #315: Enthusiasm
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #315
Enthusiasm – great excitement or interest in a subject or cause.
How often do you feel great excitement? Do you think enthusiasm is contagious? What do you love doing?
Once again I got a great e-mail from Steve Straus who sends out S T E V E ‘ S….3 – M I NU T E….C O A C H I N G. He wrote, “Remember the last time you felt really enthusiastic.
You probably had energy, were motivated, and felt focused. In short, you were having a good time.”
“Now remember a time when you were physically a little under the weather, mentally adrift, and perhaps emotionally upset. You probably weren’t too enthusiastic, either.”
“The presence or absence of enthusiasm is palpable, noticeable not only by you but also by others. Enthusiasm is an energy, a life force. When you have and project it, it is an organizing resource. Enthusiasm attracts. While it’s probably not accurate to say that the lack of enthusiasm repels, it sure isn’t attractive. At best it’s neutral.”
“Enthusiasm can’t be faked. Sure, people try — you’ve probably experienced a speaker who got all pumped up and delivered an enthusiastic-appearing program, but at some inner level you knew it was an act. A mask of enthusiasm is not enthusiasm”.
“Enthusiasm is not something you do. It is something you are. Enthusiasm radiates from love — loving what you’re doing, loving where you’re headed, loving who you’re with. Enthusiasm is a by-product, not an action.”
“Coaching Point: If you’re not enthusiastic on a regular basis….why not? What’s missing?”
This week focus on your level of enthusiasm. What do you love doing? Where are you headed? Who do you have in your life that shares your enthusiasm?
If you want to subscribe go to www.StrausUSA.com/subscribe.htm then enter your email address.
Reader Responses
“Great one, of great one. I am so enthusiastic about our 40 trip with the kids this weekend I just can’t sit still! I’m doing my Bunco invite right now. See you then, sweetie. Thanks.” – Elaine
“Someone needs to rent the Ringling Brothers Circus Tent; throw Ringling out and make you the week’s evangelist!!!” – pc
“Thank you Susan for proving the link to Steve Straus – I enjoy him as much as I enjoy you. Today, I feel no enthusiasm for work or for this day, however I received this email regarding Enthusiam, it has been encouraging and that little light for me to reshift today to make it better. Your doing a Good Thing Susan – Wow!” – Brenda
“I just wanted to let you know that I have been receiving your e Newsletter, probably since its inception. All great marketing efforts should be, to the greatest extent possible, FARP (Frequent, Anticipated, Relevant, and Personal). Great work. We sat together on a delayed Denver to San Diego flight about 10 years ago (First Class).” – Saul
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #314: Smiling
August 2, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #314: Smiling
Smiling – what you want to do to live longer.
In the course of a typical day, how many people do you see smiling? What’s your first response when you see someone smiling? In the course of a typical day what percentage of the time are you smiling?
My almost 92 year-old dad & brother
The Washington Post ran an article titled, “Smiling ballplayers outlive the grim-faced.” In it they wrote, “The old saying goes: Smile and the world smiles with you. Well, according to new research, smile and you may give yourself more time in this world as well.”
“Researchers examined 230 photographs of 230 professional baseball players from the 1952 Baseball Registry. They then rated each player’s expression, noting where they had no smile, a partial smile or a full smile.
“The researchers used a database of information about the players to examine the relationship between smile intensity and longevity, taking into consideration factors such as how long they played baseball, whether they had a college education, and their weight. All but 46 of the players had died by the time the study began in 2009.”
“Players with a broad smile lived an average of five years longer than players who didn’t smile. Even the players who had half-smiles tended to live a couple of years longer than the non-smilers. The findings add to a growing body of evidence that emotional states play a role in health and well-being, the researchers said.”
So if that’s true, does it make you want to smile more? Does your job entail dealing with customers, members, guests or clients? Did you know that when you smile your tone of voice changes? This week I want to hear your success stories because your smiling everyday!
Reader Responses
“Just a quick note to say thank you for so faithfully and freely providing the community at large with your FUN-damental WOWs. I also wanted to say that I’ve enjoyed the way you have more recently included personal stories, pictures, etc. into your messages. You make me smile!!” – Linda