Word-Of-the-Week #1075: Clarify
March 27, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1075: Clarify
Clarify – to become perfectly clear.
Is there anything you have wanted to do but have put it off? Is it because you’re too busy taking care of everyone else?
This week’s WOW from Sam Horn felt like a great follow up to last week’s.
ANECDOTE
Years ago, when I announced at a National Press Club event that I was taking my business on the road for my “Year by the Water,” most people burst into applause and said, “Take me with you!”
However, two people pulled me aside to express their concern.
One asked, “Are you having a midlife crisis?”
I laughed and told her, “No, I’m having midlife clarity. I’m clear that if I don’t do this now, I may not get the chance to do it later and it’s too important to put off.”
An executive pulled me aside and said, “Sam, you better put a lid on this story. If you take yourself off the grid, your business may not be waiting for you when you get back.”
I’m happy to say just the opposite happened. Not only did my business not “go away,” it flourished and became even more fulfilling.
Many people I meet are so busy taking care of everyone else, they rarely do anything “just” for themselves.
That’s a prescription for burnout, resentment and regret.
I will always be glad I set my dream in motion instead of setting it aside until… Someday.
ACTION
- What about you? Is there something you’ve been putting off, waiting for the ‘right time’ or more resources?
- One way to get clear on what truly lights you up is to fill out my Happiness Box—you can download it here.
** Please note: I’m not suggesting you quit your job or walk away from your responsibilities. I’m suggesting you clarify what puts the light on in your eyes and do it now, not later.
This week’s focus is on getting clear. What truly lights you up? When was the last time you did something just for you? What dream could you set in motion now?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1074: Self-ish
March 20, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1074: Self-ish
Self-ish – to not disregard your own advantages and welfare over those of others.
Do you remember the last time someone told you, “You’re selfish?” Was it because you were not doing what they wanted you to do? Do you often shove your needs aside and honor other people’s priorities, at your own expense? When was the last time you did something just for you?
This week’s WOW is in loving memory of sweet Dixie. The picture with her radiant smile sits on my desk and is a constant reminder of how much joy she brought, and how much she is missed. I purposely changed the spelling of the word because I want to focus on the word self. Let me know if you can relate to any of this.
“The ethic or value that ‘it’s a bad thing to be selfish’ is taught to us when we are really young. And that ethic of ‘don’t be selfish’ is perpetuated by reactions that you get from siblings, and parents, as you age. There are several examples in my adult life, where members of my family, and in my case, my siblings primarily, really drove that point home.
In 1970, I was 27 years old, married, and living in South Bend, Indiana. In the summer of that year my sister Sandi and I had planned to take our very first trip to Europe together. About one week before we were supposed to leave, my husband and I decided we needed to get a divorce. I was devastated emotionally because I wasn’t really prepared for it to happen and realized that this was going to be a life changing event. I decided that I would want to move from the area, find a different job and that I needed to begin working on that right away!
Immediately I called my sister and told her that we would need to delay the trip and cancel this one, for the time being. There weren’t any financial repercussions. In those days airline tickets could be refunded. My sister was very upset and said very little to me at that time.
On my birthday, December the 12th, of that same year, I was now living in Lansing, Michigan. I had just moved there twelve days prior, and did not know a single person in the entire area. I went to my mailbox and found a letter from my sister. I was delighted because it was my birthday and I thought for sure she was sending me a card and good wishes. WRONG!
What I found when I opened the envelope, was a 10-page diatribe about how selfish I was. She included a list of grievances that went back 25 years of things I had done wrong in her estimation. In addition, she listed a full page of things I owed her for, including the cost of a Frommer Guide for Europe, and misc. other things from over the past ten years that I had selfishly neglected to take care of. I will never forget this! I even remember the dollar amount, $28.68. Bottom line, I was devastated. I spent my entire birthday in tears. I couldn’t believe how uncaring and mean she was.”
It is my opinion that when people tell you, ‘You are selfish’ it is because you are not doing what they want you to do. I also believe that it has a lot to do with control. They want you to do something you don’t want to do, or they want to blame you for events that happen, rather than taking responsibility.
Being self-ish simply means you don’t allow yourself to be left out of the mix. You can still serve others – however you make sure you are served in the process. It’s keeping things equitable, instead of sacrificing your desires at another’s request.
This week’s focus is on being self-ish. Do you believe that it is okay to value your needs and rights, occasionally putting yourself first? Maybe it is time to finally take a step back and make sure that you are taking care of your “self.” Are you?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1073: Advice
March 13, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1073: Advice
Advice – an opinion that someone gives you about what you should do.
How receptive are you to getting advice? Do you trust your own gut instincts?
This is a follow up to last week’s Opinion. I think there are people who mistake an opinion for advice. When someone offers their opinion that’s all it is. If they’re telling you that you should do something or act differently that becomes advice.
“The trouble with advice is that it’s usually something you don’t want to hear.”
– CHARLES DE LINT, The Onion Girl
In pondering this I realized I prefer advice when I have asked for it. How many times have you gotten unsolicited advice? How did it make you feel? Basically for me it brings up feelings of “I know better than you do” and superiority. Does it seem like the one’s giving unsolicited advice a lot of the time are those people closest to you?
I like to share and receive information, reviews, etc. Sharing information is not giving advice but actually a way to receive advice or validation. It really comes down to how that information is presented and perceived.
“Before you give advice, that is to say advice which you have not been asked to give, it is well to put to yourself two questions–namely, what is your motive for giving it, and what is it likely to be worth? If these questions were always asked, and honestly answered, there would be less advice given.”
– JOHN WILLIAM MACKAIL, “On Giving Advice”
When I travel I have always asked people their advice on places I haven’t been to and it has served me well! That being said, it is my gut feeling that ultimately decides whether to use the advice or not. I can’t explain why I believe some people and not others.
“I only do what my gut tells me to. I think it’s smart to listen to other people’s advice, but at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can tell you what’s right for you”
– JENNIFER LOPEZ, Woman’s Day Magazine, Nov. 13, 2007
This week is all about advice. Do you have a tendency to give it more than you take it? How about your friends or family members? This is a reminder that they may be just giving their opinion and not advice! Or they are! My good friend Carol says she responds by saying, “That is very interesting.”
And my neighbor says, “I think you’re unfiltered, passionate and opinionated.” I didn’t find that insulting, I actually found it very helpful. My opinions are just that! And everyone is entitled to hear them.
PS – I write about that which I need to be reminded of or that resonates with me. And things that I would like to or will say to someone I love and care deeply about. I try to keep my emotions out of my WOW’s but they have a way of creeping in! Pretty much like my life 😊
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Word-Of-the-Week #1072: Opinion
March 6, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1072: Opinion
Opinion – a judgment or belief not founded on certainty or proof.
Do you trust your own judgment? Are you bothered when others what to share their opinion? Have you ever questioned why that is?
Steve Strauss, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, once again has great insight to share.
Quote: The Opinions of Others
(Quotes are capsules of information, reinforcement or enlightenment.)
“Don’t let the opinions of the average man sway you.
Dream, and he thinks you’re crazy.
Succeed, and he thinks you’re lucky.
Acquire wealth, and he thinks you’re greedy.
Pay no attention. He simply doesn’t understand.”
– Robert Allen
Coaching Point: What is so compelling about the opinions of others? Why do we let them affect us so much? Can’t we trust ourselves?
See all past issues and subscribe here Steve’s 3-Minute Coaching
Copyright © 2025 Steve Straus, All rights reserved.
This week is all about understanding what an opinion is. It’s just someone else’s belief. It doesn’t make it right or wrong. How would it feel to listen without being emotional? And vice versa, how would it feel to express your opinion without getting emotional? How it easy would it be for you to say, “It’s just their opinion”?
And if you want more, check out Opinions Are Like Belly Buttons.
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Word-Of-the-Week #1071: Nothingness
February 27, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1071: Nothingness
Nothingness – that pleasant experience of enjoying time going by, letting your thoughts take over.
How comfortable are you spending time doing nothing? How often have you just sat in silence watching and listening to what was going on around you?
This week longtime friend and comrade Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor, shares his perspective on spending time in Italy.
“The Italians have a philosophy of “dolce far niente” (dolce = sweet || far(e) = do || niente = nothing), literally: the sweet essence of doing nothing and enjoying it.
Nothingness is that pleasant experience of enjoying time going by, letting your thoughts take over. It’s very much in the mentality of Italians. They are lucky enough to have the natural beauty of amazing landscapes, from the coasts and sea sides to the highest mountains along with a profound sense of history.
Dolce far niente is at its best where all that matters is living the moment. No stress, no pressure, nothing matters; just live in the moment, a ‘doing nothing’ moment.
Italians work hard, but they live to celebrate with good wine and a plate of pasta, no matter whether it is a normal everyday lunch or the most important holiday in the country. Dolce far niente is a way of thinking always fixed to the moment, in which you can finally ‘do nothing’ and enjoy it.
It’s the sensation when you sit at a bar in an Italian village while you drink coffee and watch the passersby. Time slows and for half a second you admire life in its simplicity, and you only want to smile.
Spending time in Italy always reminds me of the importance of slowing down to the speed of life and just enjoying the moment. I recommend it highly.
Have the courage to Do the Work! … even when that work is the bliss of doing nothing at all!”
This week’s focus is on nothingness. When was the last time you did absolutely nothing? Did it make you smile? How often do you allow yourself to just “be in the moment?”
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