Word-Of-the-Week #1074: Self-ish
March 20, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1074: Self-ish
Self-ish – to not disregard your own advantages and welfare over those of others.
Do you remember the last time someone told you, “You’re selfish?” Was it because you were not doing what they wanted you to do? Do you often shove your needs aside and honor other people’s priorities, at your own expense? When was the last time you did something just for you?
This week’s WOW is in loving memory of sweet Dixie. The picture with her radiant smile sits on my desk and is a constant reminder of how much joy she brought, and how much she is missed. I purposely changed the spelling of the word because I want to focus on the word self. Let me know if you can relate to any of this.
“The ethic or value that ‘it’s a bad thing to be selfish’ is taught to us when we are really young. And that ethic of ‘don’t be selfish’ is perpetuated by reactions that you get from siblings, and parents, as you age. There are several examples in my adult life, where members of my family, and in my case, my siblings primarily, really drove that point home.
In 1970, I was 27 years old, married, and living in South Bend, Indiana. In the summer of that year my sister Sandi and I had planned to take our very first trip to Europe together. About one week before we were supposed to leave, my husband and I decided we needed to get a divorce. I was devastated emotionally because I wasn’t really prepared for it to happen and realized that this was going to be a life changing event. I decided that I would want to move from the area, find a different job and that I needed to begin working on that right away!
Immediately I called my sister and told her that we would need to delay the trip and cancel this one, for the time being. There weren’t any financial repercussions. In those days airline tickets could be refunded. My sister was very upset and said very little to me at that time.
On my birthday, December the 12th, of that same year, I was now living in Lansing, Michigan. I had just moved there twelve days prior, and did not know a single person in the entire area. I went to my mailbox and found a letter from my sister. I was delighted because it was my birthday and I thought for sure she was sending me a card and good wishes. WRONG!
What I found when I opened the envelope, was a 10-page diatribe about how selfish I was. She included a list of grievances that went back 25 years of things I had done wrong in her estimation. In addition, she listed a full page of things I owed her for, including the cost of a Frommer Guide for Europe, and misc. other things from over the past ten years that I had selfishly neglected to take care of. I will never forget this! I even remember the dollar amount, $28.68. Bottom line, I was devastated. I spent my entire birthday in tears. I couldn’t believe how uncaring and mean she was.”
It is my opinion that when people tell you, ‘You are selfish’ it is because you are not doing what they want you to do. I also believe that it has a lot to do with control. They want you to do something you don’t want to do, or they want to blame you for events that happen, rather than taking responsibility.
Being self-ish simply means you don’t allow yourself to be left out of the mix. You can still serve others – however you make sure you are served in the process. It’s keeping things equitable, instead of sacrificing your desires at another’s request.
This week’s focus is on being self-ish. Do you believe that it is okay to value your needs and rights, occasionally putting yourself first? Maybe it is time to finally take a step back and make sure that you are taking care of your “self.” Are you?
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Word-Of-the-Week #1073: Advice
March 13, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1073: Advice
Advice – an opinion that someone gives you about what you should do.
How receptive are you to getting advice? Do you trust your own gut instincts?
This is a follow up to last week’s Opinion. I think there are people who mistake an opinion for advice. When someone offers their opinion that’s all it is. If they’re telling you that you should do something or act differently that becomes advice.
“The trouble with advice is that it’s usually something you don’t want to hear.”
– CHARLES DE LINT, The Onion Girl
In pondering this I realized I prefer advice when I have asked for it. How many times have you gotten unsolicited advice? How did it make you feel? Basically for me it brings up feelings of “I know better than you do” and superiority. Does it seem like the one’s giving unsolicited advice a lot of the time are those people closest to you?
I like to share and receive information, reviews, etc. Sharing information is not giving advice but actually a way to receive advice or validation. It really comes down to how that information is presented and perceived.
“Before you give advice, that is to say advice which you have not been asked to give, it is well to put to yourself two questions–namely, what is your motive for giving it, and what is it likely to be worth? If these questions were always asked, and honestly answered, there would be less advice given.”
– JOHN WILLIAM MACKAIL, “On Giving Advice”
When I travel I have always asked people their advice on places I haven’t been to and it has served me well! That being said, it is my gut feeling that ultimately decides whether to use the advice or not. I can’t explain why I believe some people and not others.
“I only do what my gut tells me to. I think it’s smart to listen to other people’s advice, but at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can tell you what’s right for you”
– JENNIFER LOPEZ, Woman’s Day Magazine, Nov. 13, 2007
This week is all about advice. Do you have a tendency to give it more than you take it? How about your friends or family members? This is a reminder that they may be just giving their opinion and not advice! Or they are! My good friend Carol says she responds by saying, “That is very interesting.”
And my neighbor says, “I think you’re unfiltered, passionate and opinionated.” I didn’t find that insulting, I actually found it very helpful. My opinions are just that! And everyone is entitled to hear them.
PS – I write about that which I need to be reminded of or that resonates with me. And things that I would like to or will say to someone I love and care deeply about. I try to keep my emotions out of my WOW’s but they have a way of creeping in! Pretty much like my life 😊
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Word-Of-the-Week #1072: Opinion
March 6, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1072: Opinion
Opinion – a judgment or belief not founded on certainty or proof.
Do you trust your own judgment? Are you bothered when others what to share their opinion? Have you ever questioned why that is?
Steve Strauss, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, once again has great insight to share.
Quote: The Opinions of Others
(Quotes are capsules of information, reinforcement or enlightenment.)
“Don’t let the opinions of the average man sway you.
Dream, and he thinks you’re crazy.
Succeed, and he thinks you’re lucky.
Acquire wealth, and he thinks you’re greedy.
Pay no attention. He simply doesn’t understand.”
– Robert Allen
Coaching Point: What is so compelling about the opinions of others? Why do we let them affect us so much? Can’t we trust ourselves?
See all past issues and subscribe here Steve’s 3-Minute Coaching
Copyright © 2025 Steve Straus, All rights reserved.
This week is all about understanding what an opinion is. It’s just someone else’s belief. It doesn’t make it right or wrong. How would it feel to listen without being emotional? And vice versa, how would it feel to express your opinion without getting emotional? How it easy would it be for you to say, “It’s just their opinion”?
And if you want more, check out Opinions Are Like Belly Buttons.
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Word-Of-the-Week #1071: Nothingness
February 27, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1071: Nothingness
Nothingness – that pleasant experience of enjoying time going by, letting your thoughts take over.
How comfortable are you spending time doing nothing? How often have you just sat in silence watching and listening to what was going on around you?
This week longtime friend and comrade Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor, shares his perspective on spending time in Italy.
“The Italians have a philosophy of “dolce far niente” (dolce = sweet || far(e) = do || niente = nothing), literally: the sweet essence of doing nothing and enjoying it.
Nothingness is that pleasant experience of enjoying time going by, letting your thoughts take over. It’s very much in the mentality of Italians. They are lucky enough to have the natural beauty of amazing landscapes, from the coasts and sea sides to the highest mountains along with a profound sense of history.
Dolce far niente is at its best where all that matters is living the moment. No stress, no pressure, nothing matters; just live in the moment, a ‘doing nothing’ moment.
Italians work hard, but they live to celebrate with good wine and a plate of pasta, no matter whether it is a normal everyday lunch or the most important holiday in the country. Dolce far niente is a way of thinking always fixed to the moment, in which you can finally ‘do nothing’ and enjoy it.
It’s the sensation when you sit at a bar in an Italian village while you drink coffee and watch the passersby. Time slows and for half a second you admire life in its simplicity, and you only want to smile.
Spending time in Italy always reminds me of the importance of slowing down to the speed of life and just enjoying the moment. I recommend it highly.
Have the courage to Do the Work! … even when that work is the bliss of doing nothing at all!”
This week’s focus is on nothingness. When was the last time you did absolutely nothing? Did it make you smile? How often do you allow yourself to just “be in the moment?”
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Word-Of-the-Week #1070: Nature
February 20, 2025 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #1070: Nature
Nature – the natural world as it exists without human beings or civilization.
When was the last time you spent time outside with nature? How long did it last? How did it make you feel?
I am spending more time this week in nature, and I hope you make time to do the same. “Are you suffering from nature deficit disorder?” I have seen several articles in the past month and am including excerpts from them this week.
“Our increasingly urban lifestyles are denying us the benefits of the great outdoors, says bestselling author Richard Louv. His new book “Vitamin N: The Essential Guide To A Nature-Rich Life” is all about tempting us back outside. He focuses on 500 ways people can boost their engagement with nature.
Oh yes, we love watching wildlife, but the problem seems to be leaving the sofa and immersing ourselves in the real thing.
It’s been more than a decade since author Richard Louv wrote his best-selling book, Last Child in the Woods, and introduced the world to the concept of ‘Nature Deficit Disorder’. His phrase referred to the growing trend of human alienation from nature resulting in “diminished use of the senses, attention difficulties, and higher rates of physical and emotional illness.”
Put simply, he stated that humans aren’t meant to be surrounded by concrete and metal all day. Moving from home to car to office or school and back again isn’t healthy – we need time in the wild.
As far as he’s concerned, we shouldn’t be glossing over the crucial link between time outdoors and well-being, particularly when it comes to children. New evidence strongly suggests that interaction with the natural world increases our ability to think clearly, heighten the senses when it comes to perception and increase creativity.
“And this from “Are You Nature Deprived?” A girl under 5-years-old was throwing regular weekend temper tantrums, and her parents complained to Dr. Robert Zarr, a pediatrician at Unity Health Care in the District of Columbia. When he probed about the family’s routine, he learned they were spending the majority of their weekends inside. The fits didn’t happen at school, where the girl had recess.
So instead of labeling the child with a behavioral problem or shrugging and saying, “She’ll grow out of it,” he wrote a prescription advising the family to spend a couple hours each weekend day at a nearby park.
“It sounded like she was starved for some nature,” says Zarr, who in 2013 helped launch DC Park Rx, an initiative encouraging physicians to prescribe time outside to patients and families. He may have been right: When the family returned for a follow-up appointment, the tantrums had stopped.
So far, his team has written 829 park prescriptions for a range of issues, including to prevent and treat chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension and asthma. “I don’t get a lot of rolling of the eyes,” he adds. “Most people understand that there’s something lacking in their daily schedule.”
That something is nature. A lack of outdoor time for kids contributes to conditions such as childhood obesity, attention disorders and depression. In 2012, he wrote another book, “The Nature Principle,” showing that adults aren’t immune from the ill-effects of too much time indoors either. “The more high-tech our lives become, the more nature we need,” he tells U.S. News. “It’s an equation. It’s true of families, it’s true for children, it’s true for adults.”
Well, all I can say is that when I took my first real trip where I was “totally immersed in nature” back in 2009 it forever changed my life and the way we travel. Spending time in nature is incredible and I literally crave it if I don’t get enough!
This week’s focus is on being in nature. Is there something missing from your life? Are you and/or your children starved for some nature? When was the last time you experienced and outdoor adventure? Interestingly I have had more friends taking RV trips, camping and communing in nature during the last six months!
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