Word-Of-the-Week #942: Life
August 25, 2022 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #942: Life
Life– the sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person’s existence.
Has every day for the past two weeks started with you looking forward to it?
Once again, Steve Straus, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, sent a very thought-provoking piece.
Quote: Life
(Quotes are capsules of information, reinforcement, or enlightenment.)
“Boy … if you get up every morning for two weeks in a row and don’t want to go do what you’re about to go do … well, you need to change something.”
Jack Straus – My father (‘Pop’)
Coaching Point: At the tender age I first heard him say this I thought my father was telling me to get another job. As life unfolded I came to realize his advice covered far more.
What interests you, pulls you forward, feeds you in many ways, changes over the course of a lifetime. As you gain and lose skills there are new challenges. Serendipity flashes new inspirations. Fresh freedoms bring new possibilities.
Life is not a puzzle to be solved. It’s not a game to be won. Life is to be lived. On your own terms. In your own way. And it will change.
Has every day for the past two weeks started with you looking forward to it?
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This week’s focus is on your life. What interests pull you forward and feed you? Have they changed over the past two years? Are you living life on your own terms? Or is there something you need to change?
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Word-Of-the-Week #941: Empathy
August 18, 2022 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #941: Empathy
Empathy – the ability or practice of trying to deeply understand what someone else is feeling.
Are you feeling emotionally tapped out? Do you have the energy to care about others right now?
This week features excerpts from, “AS SUMMER BEGINS, PONDER THE DROUGHT – EMPATHY. The desire of trying to understand someone’s feelings is running low,” by Steven P. Dinkin.
“In the rainless season we call summer in California, images of shrinking bodies of water have a way of looming large.
After more than 22 years of drought compounded by warmer temperatures, Lake Mead and Lake Powell — water sources that are vital to life in the Southwest — have declined to their lowest levels since they were filled. The two reservoirs now sit at just 28 percent of capacity.
But now, I don’t have climate change on my mind. Instead, I’m thinking about another reservoir that’s nearly empty: our reservoir of empathy.
Empathy is the ability or practice of trying to deeply understand what someone else is feeling. When we empathize, we imagine what it’s like to be in another person’s situation, as if we’re in it ourselves. Sympathy, on the other hand, is a shared emotion, often sadness. It’s the difference between feeling someone’s pain or feeling sorry for them.
- We’re in the midst of an empathy drought.
It’s reflected in our factionalism on matters including race, gender, politics, religion – even whether to get vaccinated or wear a mask (still). And Friday’s Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade leaves no doubt: Contention between supporters and opponents of abortion rights will only deepen.
Still, the empathy drought is almost understandable.
Americans are dealing with a lot these days: a persistent pandemic, mass shootings, natural disasters. Every day, it seems, we are exposed to stressful or traumatic events. Add personal obligations and household challenges, and it’s no wonder so many people are feeling emotionally tapped out. We have no more energy to care about others.
Cleveland Clinic psychologist Dr. Susan Albers has said that the loss of empathy — which she calls a “limited resource” — can manifest emotionally or physically. Emotional symptoms can include numbness, self-isolation and feeling overwhelmed, powerless or hopeless. Physically, a person may lose their ability to concentrate, be productive or complete daily tasks. Even close relationships can suffer.
And so, a retreat to our respective corners, where we find like-minded others, is easy and comfortable.
To be sure, there’s no rain dance that will replenish Lakes Mead and Powell. How can we restore our empathy? Albers recommends the “ABC” model:
- Awareness: Identify the stressors in your life. Then sit with your emotions, acknowledge how you’re feeling, and show self-compassion.
- Balance: If things seem awry, spend less time watching the news or scrolling social media. Instead, focus on the basics — things you can control — like diet, sleep and exercise.
- Connection: If your empathy tank is near empty, go out of your way to call or video chat with someone you care about. A feeling of connection can be healing.
Empathy plays an important role in workplaces, too. After all, we spend a lot of time working — and a lot of time with co-workers (sometimes more than the time we spend with family members).
Companies have begun to recognize an empathy shortfall in their leadership ranks — and a need to correct it. It makes sense when you consider that workplace culture is a microcosm of what’s going on in society at large. In workplaces, uncertainty, instability and stress can be magnified.
We need to find the energy to care about others — or we run the unacceptable risk of leaving behind a factionalized world for our kids and grandkids. Even with a drop of empathy, we can begin to quench our thirst.”
This week’s focus is on empathy. Are you aware of how many stressors there are in your life? Are you able to focus on the basics — things you can control — like diet, sleep and exercise? Have you had made a connection with someone you care about?
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Word-Of-the-Week #940: Munificent
August 11, 2022 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #940: Munificent
Munificent – characterized by or displaying great generosity.
Do you believe that being generous is about giving material things or money? Do you expect that your generosity should be reciprocated? Would you be more munificent if you knew it would make you happier?
Many of you know that I have been on the board of Fostering Opportunities Scholarships for 19 years and raise money for former foster youth to help them achieve their educational goals. In 2018 our founder and President, Katie Elsbree, passed away from pancreatic cancer.
There are so many things I could say about Katie. She had such a big heart – and left a lasting impression on so many people. When I was thinking of one word to describe her generous came up but munificent is a better word since she displayed such great generosity.
Katie was a very smart woman – like a vortex – she drew people to her – not all stayed – but that never discouraged her – she set in motion a board that will continue her legacy. At the time we had 11 board members
The last time I saw her was two weeks before she passed. Her biggest concern was she worried about the kids and making sure they didn’t lose their scholarships. I promised her we would keep FOS going.
All of us agreed to keep her legacy alive for five years in hopes of passing the torch to some of our former graduates who expressed an interest in running the organization. But then life happened – jobs – family – etc. which took up most of their time.
On Saturday August 6th we held our last scholarship awards. While it feels bittersweet, we have found an organization whose mission and values align with ours. Promises2Kids has agreed to administer the Katie Elsbree Memorial Scholarship and support our remaining seven students with the funds currently in our bank account. Five of those students are going for their masters or Ph.D.’s!
What’s truly amazing is that we have had 76 graduates! Seven with Masters Degrees and one with a Law Degree.
Elisabeth who just graduated had this to say at our meeting, “I truly wouldn’t be where I am today without the help, guidance, and support from everyone at Fostering Opportunities.
I recall not having enough money to purchase a bus pass my second semester at City College and wasn’t sure how I’d commute to school and work. Then, I received the email that my first check from FOS was ready — I didn’t have to worry about how I would get to and back from home, school, and work anymore. Same with purchasing my first laptop for school. This was just one of many moments where FOS helped me when i needed it the most and didn’t think I could financially pursue college. FOS provided me with the tools and support that I needed to pursue an education — to pursue my education.
Everything that FOS has done for me helped me get through college and be the woman I am today. I cannot wait to one day be a mentor and donor myself to help those who, too, have a yearning for learning but feel limited due to their circumstances. I cannot say thank you enough. Thus, YOU and the whole board are an inspiration.
We’ll keep in touch!”
If you’d like more inspiration, check out this article “Being Generous Really Does Make You Happier“ by Amanda MacMillan. I added a couple of excerpts below.
“It doesn’t take a neuroscientist to know that doing nice things for people feels good. But now, researchers say they’ve discovered that even thinking about doing something generous has real mood-boosting benefits in the brain.
It’s not yet clear how long these warm and fuzzy feelings last after being generous. But other research suggests that making generosity a regular habit may influence long-term wellbeing and happiness, the study authors say.
Next time you think that the best way to make yourself feel better is to buy yourself a treat, consider that the opposite is likely true. “It is worth giving it a shot, even if you think it would not work,” Tobler says. “In order to reap health benefits, repeated practice is probably needed so that giving becomes second nature.”
This week’s focus is on being munificent. Do you make charitable contributions? Do you donate time to a charity or for a cause? How often do you give the gift of your time to friends or family? How does it make you feel when you witness the benefits of your generosity?
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Word-Of-the-Week #939: Compliment
August 4, 2022 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #939: Compliment
Compliment: an expression of praise, admiration, or congratulation.
When was the last time you paid someone a compliment? When was the last time someone paid you a compliment? Was the response (in either situation) “brushed off,” or discounted in any way?
I am a big believer in giving compliments and this week’s WOW features excerpts from “The Art of the Compliment: Everyone needs to know how to give and receive compliments,” by Hara Estroff Marano.
She writes, “Compliments are one of the most extraordinary components of social life. If given right they create so much positive energy that they make things happen almost as if by magic. They ease the atmosphere around two people and kindly dispose people to each other. Of course, there is a way to give them. And, just as important, a way to receive them. And everyone needs to know how to do both.
Compliments derive from taking notice of praiseworthy situations and efforts. So they are a mark of awareness and consciousness. We need to cultivate awareness of the good developments that are all around us.
People benefit from being the objects of compliments, but we also benefit being givers of them. Recipients benefit from knowing that we notice and learning that we value them. So compliments are powerful in motivating continued efforts. People strive to do more of what brings praise from others.
Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. The art of the compliment is not only a powerful social skill; it is one of the most fundamental. You don’t need to be an expert to do it well. You just need to be genuine. If compliments are a gift from a donor, their reception is equally a gift—a return gift to the giver. How a compliment is received can invalidate both the giver and the observation that inspired it.
Sadly, too many people discount compliments. Example: someone says, “Hey, you gave a really good presentation.” And you say, “Oh, I just slapped some stuff together in five minutes.” Such answers instantly suck the positivity out of the air and deflate the donor. They make the giver feel stupid for noticing and commenting on something so unworthy of praise. They totally invalidate the person’s judgment.
There is only one way to receive a compliment—graciously, with a smile.” And by saying, “Thank you.” One thing Chris and I do every day is tell each other how much we appreciate and love each other. Compliments abound and so does the positive energy they bring! Remember, what you think you about, you bring about. The same thing applies to expressing praise, admiration, and congratulation.
This week’s focus is on giving and receiving compliments. Who is worthy of praise long overdue? Who deserves to hear what a great job they’ve done? How many “gifts of love” could you give? How would it make you feel to have others know you value them?
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