Word-Of-the-Week #816: Resilience
March 26, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #816: Resilience
Resilience – ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.
How well are you adapting to the coronavirus situation? Is it becoming a significant source of stress? Or are you accepting the “fear of the unknown?”
This Washington Post article “A psychologist’s science-based tips for emotional resilience during the coronavirus crisis” by Jelena Kecmanovic offers 4 approaches that can help preserve our psychological well-being. This week features 2 of them.
- Accept negative emotions
As the news about the coronavirus pandemic becomes grimmer, and governments and businesses issue closing or work-from-home directives, many of us are experiencing a variety of negative emotions. We feel anxiety in response to the uncertainty of the situation; sadness related to losing our daily sources of meaning and joy; and anger at whatever forces are to blame for bringing this upon us. As a psychologist, I believe following evidence-based recommendations for bolstering mental resilience can help us weather this crisis.
It is important to acknowledge that a lot of anxious thoughts and emotions will show up during this time, and to accept them rather than trying to push them away or escape them. The same goes for sadness stemming from the loss of our regular ways of living, worry about lack of supplies or apprehension about kids getting cabin fever. That’s because research has shown that avoidance of such emotions will only make them stronger and longer lasting.
Notice negative emotions, thoughts and physical sensations as they come up, look into them with curiosity, describe them without judgment and then let them go. This is an essence of mindfulness, which has been consistently linked to good psychological health.
“By allowing negative emotions to come and go, and focusing on how to spend this time to still include engaging in meaningful and joyful activities, we can get through this,” Forsyth said.
Instead of fighting our emotions, we can invest our energy in creating the best possible life, given the circumstances.
- Reinvent self-care
Many parents of younger children are facing the stress of taking care of them at home, often while teleworking themselves. And families with elderly or sick members are dealing with even stricter isolation in an attempt to prevent covid-19 in this vulnerable population. “I feel especially sad and worried for my elderly mom and aunt, who are sequestered in their assisted-living facilities,” said Larry Eastman, a retired engineer in Ellicott City, Md. “And I’m concerned about my dad being isolated, because he’s not leaving home.”
It is hard when you’re robbed of your tried-and-true ways of taking care of your physical and mental health. But don’t abandon them; science has shown that exercise, good nutrition and socializing are directly linked to emotional well-being, so now is the time to get creative.
“To keep your psychological well-being, schedule self-care each day. It can consist of running or walking outside, using apps for home exercise or makeup sessions, and FaceTiming your friends,” said Ilyse DiMarco, a clinical psychologist at the North Jersey Center for Anxiety and Stress Management. Whether you need to change already estabished exercise, eating and socializing habits, or whether you’re using this time to launch a healthy-living routine, the new routines will give you mental strength.
One thing that is still available to us, unless we experience complete lockdown, is nature. I have never seen more people in Washington’s Rock Creek Park than the past two weekends. Studies show that spending time in nature, whether you are hiking or gardening, positively affects psychological health. Make sure, however, that you are observing social distancing guidelines.”
This week’s focus is on maintaining our mental resilience. Are you acknowledging anxious thoughts or negative emotions that you are feeling? Are you exercising and spending time outdoors? Do you feel some sense of control over your life?
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Word-Of-the-Week #815: Control
March 19, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #815: Control
Control – ability to manage one’s emotions, desires, or actions by one’s own will.
How are you feeling about this time of uncertainty? Are you obsessing about it? Or are you coping with it?
This LA Times article “Why you should stop obsessing about coronavirus news, and how to do it“ by Deborah Netburn felt like a great follow up to last week’s Faith. I am using excerpts to keep it short because I’m heeding her advice of limiting consumption of media intake.
“It’s 1 in the morning and you can’t stop reading about the coronavirus. You look for answers on websites you trust, along with some you’re not so sure about. And when you can’t find conclusive information, you keep searching, clicking and reading.
If you have descended into a coronavirus rabbit hole, you are not alone. It’s only natural to feel anxious about the evolving coronavirus situation. It is a novel threat that has caused more than 4,200 deaths worldwide.
But experts say there is something else that is adding to our collective anxiety around the potential pandemic: fear of the unknown.
“Our brains are wired to pay additional attention to uncertainty,” said David Rock, co-founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute and author of “Your Brain at Work.” “It is something we all have an issue with, although it affects some people more than others.”
And when it comes to coronavirus, there is a lot of uncertainty. Things are changing so quickly that it can be hard to know how best to respond to keep yourself and others safe.
Rock said that in the face of an ambiguous situation — maybe fine, maybe bad — our brains automatically bet on it being very bad, just in case.
“It’s an insurance policy,” he said. “If you think you hear a bear in the woods, it’s better to be safe and start running than wait until you see one running at you.”
One way people try to exert control during times of uncertainty is to increase their media consumption, said Roxane Cohen Silver, a professor of psychological science and public health at UC Irvine.
“When there is a lot of ambiguity and a lot of uncertainty, people are drawn to the media,” she said. “It’s a cycle that is very hard to break out of.” 
Looking to the media in a time of public crisis can be useful. Trusted sources can help you make informed decisions to protect your health. They can also counteract harmful rumors and alleviate distress by providing accurate information that puts the threat in context, Silver said. (For example, it’s helpful to be reminded that about 80% of those infected with the new coronavirus have symptoms that are mild at worst.)
However, Silver’s research over the last two decades has also shown that in times of collective trauma like natural disasters and mass shootings, the nonstop media cycle can also cause people to overestimate the severity of the threat to their own community — and that leads to psychological and even physical distress.
“The media is a double-edged sword,” she said. “It is the mechanism by which we get important, validated information. But at the same time, we need to protect ourselves from the onslaught of the 24/7 news cycle.”
So, what’s a healthy dose of media that will keep you informed without needlessly stressing you out?
Rock’s advice is to limit your coronavirus media consumption to 10 minutes a day, not 10 minutes an hour.
“The more we can feel like we are in control, the calmer we’ll be,” he said. “And one thing you can control is your media intake.”
Silver said she reminds her own friends and family to stay informed but to avoid repetitive stories with little or no new information, because they can amplify one’s sense of stress and doom.
“Remember that the expertise of TV and radio is to keep you listening and to engage you,” he said.
“Things are very different this week than they were last week, and we don’t really know where things will be next week,” she said. “It is challenging and stressful to cope with all this uncertainty, but overexposure to media is not likely to help.”
I’m choosing to have faith that “this too shall pass.” I’m taking control of my thoughts and actions. I’m being cautious. And I’m playing golf to feel some sense of normalcy. Plus just being outside lifts my spirits!
This week’s focus is about feeling in control. Have you chosen to limit your media intake? Are you taking precautions? Can you have a sense of calm about all the uncertainty?
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Word-Of-the-Week #814: Faith
March 12, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #814: Faith
Faith – strong or unshakeable belief in something, esp without proof or evidence.
Have you ever had a feeling that you knew something but didn’t know how or why? Do you ever have strong gut feelings? Do you follow your instincts?
My sweet sister Lurene came up with this week’s WOW after we had a conversation about knowing things that we don’t know how we know. And she said, “That is having faith.” One thing I do know is that many times when things have happened, I trusted that everything would work out to my best interest. My mom used to say, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Peter Thompson from the Guardian writes, “Faith is not the same as religion. I would say any movement that seeks social change and improvement is a faith-based one. It has to be, otherwise there would be no reason to hope for something better.”
And Lauren Ebersole from the Humanist writes, “Faith is a concept that connotes religiosity and a term that is monopolized by the religious. If someone says “my faith,” then the god part is implied. It doesn’t require a qualifier. There seems to be an idea that faith in a god somehow makes one stronger or better than those who don’t share that faith. That faith in something you can’t see or can’t know for sure exists takes greater courage. The primary definition of faith, however, is “strong belief or trust in someone or something” and only secondarily does it denote “strong religious feelings or beliefs.” 
I have faith—I just choose to put my faith in people. I have faith that when I’m sad I’ll find comfort in the arms of my mother. I have faith that when I’m confused my father will provide guidance. I have faith that my siblings will always have my back. I have faith in the restorative power of laughter with friends. I have faith in me, that more often than not I’ll make the right decision.
It takes courage to put your faith in people. You can’t always know a person’s motivations, their decision-making processes, or their rationale for their behavior. People are unpredictable, and sometimes faith in them is misplaced. That’s why it’s called faith. And for me, in my life, faith in people beats faith in a god every time.”
My intention is not to discount religion. I do believe there is some higher power that guides me. I call her Xena. Could she be from a past life? I have no idea, but I don’t believe or disbelieve 100% of anything I hear or read. If something “speaks to me” then I take note of that. That is what I mean about knowing things I don’t know. I completely trust my feelings and instincts!
This week’s focus is about having faith. Do you have the courage to believe in something you can’t see or can’t know for sure exists? Do you have faith in yourself to make the right decisions? Do you have family and friends who always have your back?
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Word-Of-the-Week #813: Karma
March 3, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #813: Karma
Karma – what goes around comes around.
Do you believe that if you do a good deed for someone that it will come back to you in the form a good deed? Has anyone ever helped you when you truly needed it? Have you ever made a difference in a person’s life because of your help?
My dear friend and sister from a prior life, Susan sent this quote.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” ― Steve Jobs
Then I found this in my archives from Karla Peterson’s weekly column in the UT, titled “MAKING A DIFFERENCE”, featuring Mark M. Read. She wrote, “He could say that he does it for the karma points, which are considerable. Or because it is the right thing to do, which it is. But the real reason he helps HomeAid San Diego build and renovate homes for the homeless is because he likes it.”
Mark says, “I do it for my own benefit. I heard a quote once that stuck with me: ‘You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give,’ and tha
t feels right to me. It just feels good to be able to help.”
He goes on to say, “Before I got involved with this, I really knew nothing about homelessness. I never thought about having a roof over my head or food on the table. But when I saw what HomeAid could do for people, I thought, ‘If I can put deals together that can help this community, I’m all in.'”
HomeAid builds or remodels group homes and shelters that serve emancipated foster youth, seniors, veterans, and women and children affected by domestic violence and have completed 13 projects.
In response to how much he has given to the homeless, Mark says, “More than anything this makes me appreciate this life I’ve got. There is karma to charity. If you give back to your community, it makes you a better person. I really believe that.” And I believe that too!
This week’s focus is on karma. Do you trust your gut feelings? Do you believe in destiny? Do you have a favorite charity that you are involved in? Do you give money, your time, or both? How many karma points do you have?