Word-Of-the-Week #812: Effort
February 27, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #812: Effort
Effort – the use of physical or mental energy to do something.
Do you feel a need to do a lot to get things accomplished? Is it important for you to be busy a lot of the time?
Once again, Steve Strauss, author of STEVE’S 3-MINUTE COACHING, sent a very thought provoking piece!
Principle: Effective Effort
(Principles are basic truths that, when applied, cause success to come to you easier and quicker.)
Sitting at the evening meal and in response to the query, “How was your day?” she said, “I got a lot done and I didn’t do a lot.”
What an important message. It’s about effective effort.
Some people have a need to do a lot in order to accomplish things. To not be busy would not be good. Well good for them. It’s a completely valid life approach.
Others have discovered what they’re good at, what brings out their best, what’s in alignment with their life purpose, what evokes their greatest joy and sense of satisfaction. They focus on that. The rest – their weaknesses, the distractions, the unsatisfying – they delegate. It’s the stuff that they are not here to do. Not really.
By being aware and focusing her energy and choosing her actions she got a lot done while not doing a lot.
Coaching Point: What is your most effective effort?See all past issues and subscribe here Steve’s 3-Minute Coaching
Copyright © 2020 Steve Straus, All rights reserved.
This week’s focus is on effective effort. Have you discovered what you are good at? What evokes your greatest joy and sense of satisfaction? How comfortable are you with delegating things you aren’t good at or don’t like doing?
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Word-Of-the-Week #811: Apology
February 21, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #811: Apology
Apology – to say you’re sorry and truly mean it.
When was the last time you made an apology? Did you do it in a timely manner? Were you sincere?
This week features “I’m sorry” is more than just words by Lance Frazer from the Costco Connections magazine.
“Apologies are a part of life, and they’re a part of business. While a successful apology shows an acknowledgment of, and responsibility for, a problem, all too often we get them wrong.
Roy Lewicki, professor emeritus of management and human resources at Ohio State University’s Fisher College of Business, tells the Connection there are six components to any good apology: an expression of regret, an explanation of what went wrong, an acknowledgment of responsibility, a declaration of repentance, an offer of repair and a request for forgiveness. The more of them you include, the better your odds of mending or preserving a relationship.
In an experiment, Lewicki and his colleagues tested how more than 700 people reacted to apologies that contained from one to all six of these components.”
We were interested in what makes apologies more or less effective, so we constructed a hypothetical scenario with apologies containing one or more of the key components and asked [test subjects] to judge their effectiveness,” he says.
What they found was that the more components the apology included, the more effective it was judged, the two key components being an acknowledgment of responsibility and an offer of repair.
But, cautions Lewicki, the components were not weighted equally, and language was key. “We’re so used to hearing political doublespeak involving too many words without meaning, where it gets in the way of the message and minimizes the apology,” he says.
One kiss of death for an apology? “The phrase ‘I’m sorry if anyone was offended by what I said/did,’” Lewicki tells the Connection. “That phrasing is completely empty, conveys a meaning that is both underhanded and cynical, and shows neither empathy nor sincerity.”
Empathy and timing are vital elements, he feels: “The closer to the offense that you apologize, the more effective it is. If you wait too long, it only gives the offended more time to stew in that juice, and makes the apology less meaningful and less effective.”
Lewicki ends with a warning: “The bottom line in all of this is that, from Washington to Hollywood to the sports world, there are so many people apologizing for so much that the overall efficacy of the apology is being diminished unless it’s a really finely crafted, empathetic apology.”
This week’s focus is on an apology. When was the last time someone made an apology to you? Did the person acknowledge and take responsibility for the problem? And was it made sincerely? How did that make you feel?
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Word-Of-the-Week #810: Virtuous
February 13, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #810: Virtuous
Virtuous – having good qualities or ways of behaving.
Would you say you are open, honest and true? Have you ever been told to “tone down your personality? How did that make you feel?
This week features the 2nd half of “The Secrets of Being Authentic (and Why It’s Important)” by Jamie Friedlander at Success.com.
To Recap: “Being authentic boils down to one concept: trust. Be truthful to who you are. Tell the truth. It really comes down to being you. It’s having the confidence to be you.
Don’t be afraid to tell people what you believe in. Don’t think you need to straddle the line to please all of your friends, family or clients. Stay firm on your values and beliefs.”
- Forces Within
“In attempting to appear open, honest and true, some people might inadvertently create a false sense of authenticity. Thacker believes both external and internal roadblocks stand in the way of becoming truly authentic.
The external forces are environmental—say, worrying your boss might think you’re not competent if you tell her you’re uncomfortable with a particular project, or feeling concerned that your husband will be hurt if you tell him how you really feel about his relationship with his brother.
Internal forces are more ingrained and much more difficult to overcome. For example, if you’re a naturally gregarious and extroverted person and someone told yo
u to tone down your personality early in your career, you might have dialed it down too much. If you’ve squelched it for long enough, it will be much more difficult to bring your true self back.
“Stepping back and examining those habits of mind that are internal is a powerful step,” Thacker says. “Our internal barriers are often harder to move than the external ones.”
- Double-Edged Sword
Because people in leadership positions are among the most scrutinized, being vulnerable, honest and letting go of the “perfect” image can be challenging. But conversely, these are the people authenticity matters most for because it goes hand-in-hand with trust. Leaders who are kind to others are often seen as more authentic.
“Embracing your weaknesses and your quirks is just as much a part of being authentic as embracing your strengths.”
“I think [authenticity] does fundamentally come back to this: If I’m going to follow you, if I’m going to take a risk, if I’m going to put hard work and effort into a vision that you’re throwing out, can I trust you’re also looking out for me? Can I trust that you’re a kind person?” Thacker says.
The kindness and trust a leader emanates will ripple through one’s entire organization.
“When you see somebody else do something kind, what happens for you?” Thacker asks. “When you see somebody else do something you know is selfless, how do you feel in that moment? The scientists call it a feeling of elevation. I call it a virtue buzz. I think the vast majority of us want to be around goodness. We want to be around higher virtues like curiosity, kindness and honesty.”
Whichever virtues leave you buzzing, keep in mind that no matter who else is around, your constant companion is yourself. So like who you are (or grow into the person you want to become) and enjoy the company.”
This week’s focus is on being virtuous. Would you agree that the vast majority of people want to be around goodness? Are you willing to be vulnerable and let go of being perceived as perfect? Would your family, friends, co-workers, and customers say you are curious, honest and kind?
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Word-Of-the-Week #809: Authentic
February 6, 2020 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #809: Authentic
Authentic – genuine: real.
Are you true to yourself? Do you act and behave in ways that are authentic? Are you in touch with your feelings and actions?
This week features “The Secrets of Being Authentic (and Why It’s Important)” by Jamie Friedlander at Success.com. She writes, “We like how Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t bring a beautiful young actress to the 2016 Academy Awards but rather his mother. I’m not the only person who’s lacking a date this upcoming weekend, we tell ourselves.
We love how model Chrissy Teigen shares a photo of herself and her husband John Legend on Instagram with their new baby girl, sans makeup and fancy clothing. She’s just like the rest of us, we think.
And we relish the stories of celebrities who struggled before becoming incredibly successful: How J.K. Rowling was living on welfare when she wrote Harry Potter, how Richard Branson struggled with dyslexia, how Stephen King’s first novel was rejected 30 times before finding a publisher.
We eat these stories up because they emanate authenticity. DiCaprio values his relationship with his mother just as much as his career. Teigen isn’t afraid to show her less-than-perfect side. King was a failure for many years before succeeding.
‘People follow authenticity. They are searching for it,’ says Karissa Thacker, a psychologist and author of The Art of Authenticity. ‘I think it’s twofold: The drive to be authentic and the drive to be around other authentic human beings goes back all the way to philosophy. But positive psychology also tells us that this sense of being true to yourself creates meaning. There’s a drive to be authentic inside all of us. Fundamentally, it’s part of living a meaningful life.’
The word authenticity is loaded, but Ryan Lee, founder of FREEDYM, a training resources website for aspiring entrepreneurs, believes it’s imperative we remember what it truly means. Some people might think having piercings or pink hair is authentic, but wearing Banana Republic and listening to Coldplay can be just as authentic if it’s who you truly are.
“Because of the trend of being authentic, people think you have to grow a big beard and you have to have tattoos and curse,” Lee says. “That’s not authentic if that’s not you.”
- Room for Growth
Although authenticity might seem like an innate trait and something we’re born with, Thacker believes you can develop it much like you would any other trait, like curiosity, kindness or honesty. For many years, our society has held the “I am what I am” view, she says, when in fact people regularly adapt themselves to context and situations.
She suggests the first step in building authenticity is turning on our “authenticity meter” to determine whether we are in touch with ourselves and our actions.
“A lot of us move through life reaction to reaction and we don’t stop and go, Wait, I just did that. Did it feel real to me? Why did I do that? Did I feel pressured by context? Was I trying to be cool? Nobody can tell you what’s authentic for you,” she says.
Another way to be seen as more genuine and real is to feel comfortable not being perfect in the eyes of others. Be comfortable sharing your failures and weaknesses. You might not think this is the best route in business, but when done appropriately, it can work. “If you understand your context, your environment and the relationship you have with the person you’re sharing the weakness with, I think people are more inclined to help—it’s more honest and it’s true.”
We can relate to others better when we’re not afraid of being vulnerable. “I’ve seen this happen time and again with executives who on the surface look perfect and can do anything,” Thacker says. “But nobody’s smart enough to figure it all out. Embracing your weaknesses and your quirks is just as much a part of being authentic as embracing your strengths.”
Lee agrees. For him, being authentic boils down to one concept: trust. “Be truthful to who you are,” he says. “Tell the truth. It really comes down to being you. It’s having the confidence to be you.”
Don’t be afraid to tell people what you believe in. Don’t think you need to straddle the line to please all of your friends, family or clients. Stay firm on your values and beliefs.”
This week’s focus is on being authentic. Are you comfortable not being perfect in the eyes of others? Do you embrace your weaknesses and your quirks? Are you firm in your values and beliefs?
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