Word-Of-the-Week #651: Goal
January 26, 2017 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #651: Goal
Goal – what one intends to accomplish.
Have you even thought about what you’d like to accomplish this year? How successful have you been with accomplishing your goals in the past? Have you ever wasted time with urgent matters that were not really important in the long run?
“READY, SET, GOAL! Banish common habits that can destroy your plans for this year” is another great New Year article. Gordon Tredgold says, “As a business coach, I find that the start of the year is always a great time because clients are full of optimism and ready to set bold new goals or create inspiring visions for their futures.
And while I love to help them set these goals, it’s worth noting that just 8 percent of people achieve their New Year’s goals, according to University of Scranton research. That is deflating.
The majority of people fail for the same reasons, and they repeat these mistakes year after year.
Here are three things that you need to give up if you want to make this year different and be one of the few who achieve their goals.
- Making excuses
There might be reasons why you are not doing as well as you should, but there are definitely no excuses. When we start to make excuses, then we are giving ourselves outs, options to quit or are telling ourselves stories that make failure seem acceptable. Do not accept any excuses.
“If you really want to do it, you do it. There are no excuses.” — Bruce Nauman
- Waiting for someone else to help
If you wait for someone to pop up and help you achieve your goals, then you have already decided to quit.
No one is going to have as much passion or desire to achieve your goals than you do. Someone might become inspired and help you over the finishing line, but it’s at the start that you need to have the self-motivation to get up and get the ball rolling.
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.”— Abraham Lincoln
- Embracing things that are urgent but not important
We live in a world where we are inundated with status updates, phone calls, offers and opportunities — many of which seem urgent and that need to be dealt with right now. But every minute you focus on things that seem urgent and don’t help you achieve your goals is potentially a minute wasted.
We need to differentiate between being busy and being productive.
“Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.” — Socrates
This week’s focus is on goals. What do you intend to accomplish this year? What are the steps needed to achieve that? Do you have the self-motivation to get up and get the ball rolling?
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Word-Of-the-Week #650: Content
January 19, 2017 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #650: Content
Content – happy with what you have; satisfied.
So how did you answer this question, “Do you agonize about finding happiness?” Do you often worry about the future? Have you ever felt content?
This week features the follow up to “Why are Americans so anxious?” by San Diego Union columnist Neil Senturia, I’m There for You, Baby.
“Whippman, author of “America the Anxious” tells us that the self-help/looking for Mr. Goodbar/happiness racket is an $11 billion a year business. (Find me a start-up in this space and I am all-in.) The business crosses over the spiritual, yoga, meditation, mindfulness and ultimately personal wealth. I would be happier if I had more money (we know this is not true, but we believe it anyway).
She says that our idea of the American Dream “is just out of reach.” Dude, that is why they call it a dream. Do you
really think you can mind-meld parenting, religion, social media and your stupid boss? Never. On the other hand, now that marijuana is legal, who knows.
We try to balance professional and personal, while every day realizing we are never going to be really happy at both at the same time. (It is like Brownian movement). Maybe if we worked longer and harder. There are many studies that show that Americans never switch off, they do not ever really go on a vacation; email haunts you with a beep every 90 seconds.
To counter the 24×7 stress, companies now bring in video games, therapists, massage, food, dentists, doctors – the only thing missing is sex – but that might cause even more anxiety (performance).
Whippman discusses the new cure— “mindfulness,” which is the buzz word for this year. Be in the moment. (Sure, as long as I can be unhappy in the moment, I am there for you baby.) She says “you can’t pay your rent, you don’t have any health insurance, but hey, try a little mindfulness.” America is on the edge.
Some people like the balloons, the socializing in the workplace, the free snacks and the people parading by your cube asking about your weekend. But the data shows most of us hate it. Zappos is the outlier. The Friday beer bash does not relieve the anxiety. In fact, it increases it. Did I drink too much, am I liked, did I mix well? So I sell the lie and post happy pictures on my Facebook page.
Facebook is paying its female workers money so they can freeze their eggs and delay having children – so they can work harder at Facebook – and be happy. Hah!
Rule No. 493: Have another glass of scotch. (Neil’s article last week started with “December 31, 2016, midnight – after one glass of very old scotch.”
This week focus on feeling content. Could you “just be happy with what you have?” If not, what do you need to make it better? How realistic are your expectations?
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Word-Of-the-Week #649: Anxious
January 12, 2017 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #649: Anxious
Anxious – uneasy and apprehensive about an uncertain event or matter; worried.
How would you rate your anxiety level? Does uncertainty trigger worry? Do you compare yourself/and or your life to your family, neighbors, or co-workers?
This week features part 1 of “Why are Americans so anxious?” by San Diego Union columnist Neil Senturia, I’m There for You, Baby.
“December 31, 2016, midnight – after one glass of very old scotch.
Tis the season to be jolly is gone. Thank goodness. The lingering question that always comes up at this time of year is – what the hell is happiness – and do I have it – and if I don’t, why not – and do I even want it? (What else should someone consider as the ball is dropping and 103,000 crazies are in Times Square freezing their “fingers” off?)
And so we turn to a new book, “America the Anxious,” by Ruth Whippman. Her theme is that we live in a “state of perpetual anxiety,” and that this is the new norm. (Oy! indeed – this is clearly good news for my shrink). Whippman quotes the World Health Organization whose data confirms that America is the most anxious country on the planet. (I will speculate that after the most recent election, we are probably off any chart they have ever used.)
Whippman, who is from England, discovered in her research that America is “culturally preoccupied with this idea of happiness, of finding happiness.” Like the game “Where’s Waldo” – do we really think we can “find” happiness? Are we on some treasure hunt looking for the big H behind the hedge?
She interviewed hundreds of people and found that we Americans “agonize about am I happy, am I as happy as my neighbor – why is he happier – and finally, could I be happier if I tried harder.”
At midnight, this is almost hilarious. The idea of trying to be happy strikes me as borderline insane. If we just take one more class or read one more book, then finally happiness will be ours.
A few years ago, one of my companies hired a woman who had a Ph.D. in happiness. I am being serious. She came down from Los Angeles (where else would you expect misery to flourish) to give us a three-hour class in happiness. At the end, we were all jumping up and down, waving our arms, singing and shouting.
A few days later, this woman calls me to tell me she is unhappy and would like some coaching from me on her career. You cannot make this stuff up.”
I LOVE his sense of humor! Stay tuned for part 2…and until then…the question is, “Do you agonize about finding happiness?”
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Word-Of-the-Week #648: Kind
January 5, 2017 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #648: Kind
Kind – helpful to others; considerate.
When was the last time you experienced a random act of kindness? How considerate are you of others? How willing are you to help someone without expecting anything in return?
This week The Parade Magazine’s article, “Let’s make 2017 the Year of Being Kind” seemed like a great way to start the new year. Paula Spencer Scott writes, “Whoa.” That might be said by anyone who’s spent time lately on social media, behind the wheel or even ’round some holiday tables. Seems like we’re in a bit of a kindness crisis these days.
In fact, only 25 percent of Americans believe we’re living in a kind society, according to a poll by Kindness USA. More than half said kindness has deteriorated in the past 10 years. Kids are bummed too: In a Making Caring Common survey of 10,000 teens, 4 in 5 said their parents are more concerned with achievement or happiness than caring for others.
“There is less kindness in public life, which trickles down and invites people to be less kind in our personal lives,” says psychologist Harriet Lerner, author of Why Won’t You Apologize? (available Jan. 10). “But kindness is not an ‘extra.’ It’s at the heart of intimacy, connection, self-respect and respect for others.”
Please join Parade in scratching the surface to encourage a groundswell of goodwill in 2017. We believe that kindness is contagious and good for us—and that inspiring consequences really do spiral when we do simple, compassionate acts for others without expecting anything back. That’s why we’re celebrating some of the people, companies, organizations and communities who are working to make America kind again.
Not surprisingly, kindness is seen as key to anti-bullying programs too. Among the standouts: the Girl Scouts of the USA’s popular Be a Friend First program, Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Foundation and the Kind Campaign, founded by two Pepperdine University grads, whose school assemblies, kind clubs and camps target girl-against-girl bullying.
Kindness is a value that transcends borders, race, faith and age. Orly Wahba founded a nonprofit dedicated to inspiring kindness after growing up as “that kid in black who sat writing morbid poetry” and working as a middle-school teacher. Life Vest Inside’s first effort, a video called “Kindness Boomerang,” has been seen more than 100 million times and led to her 2013 TED Talk on the magic of kindness.
“Whether you’re sweeping the streets, running the company or running the country, we’re all pieces of the puzzle, each as important as the other,” says Wahba, now CEO of Kindness USA. “Kindness is the tool to breaking down labels and barriers and seeing we’re all exactly the same. In a world that sometimes shows you bad, kindness shows you so much good.”
So here’s to a year of doing kindness and living kindness. It’s easy, it’s free, it feels good—and it really makes a difference.
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