Word Of the Week #564: Reality
May 27, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #564: Reality
Reality: the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
Do you have an idealistic notion of how your life should be? Or do you just accept things as they are? Do you believe you have the power to change your current reality?
This week’s WOW is courtesy of Sade who I have known for over nine years. She writes, “I love this definition because it allows us to create our own notions of what that reality looks like to us. As someone who was told more than once, ‘The reality is that you probably won’t graduate from high school because of the circumstances you have come from,’ it has always been difficult for me to accept what others thought to be true for me. And I refused to accept their reality of who I was.
I have a strong belief in creating your own reality. That means that you have power and authority over your life and with that power and authority you can choose to make your new reality as grand as you want it to be. There are no limits, no boundaries, no restrictions; it’s your reality, your life and you’re responsible for creating it.
With my own reality, I decided I wanted the best life possible. Less than 10 years after being told I wouldn’t graduate high school, I not only graduated high school but I also earned three degrees, including a Masters from the University of Southern California. (She graduated on 5-15-15)
Being a person who was once in the foster care system doesn’t mean that I have to accept the statistics about foster youth, it simply means that I’ve come from unfortunate circumstances and can still choose to change my life that’s more fitting to my notion of a new reality.”
I have been so lucky to have been one of Sade’s mentors and so proud of how much she has accomplished! I am on the board of FOS – Fostering Opportunity Scholarships – and thanks to the generosity of so many people we now have 26 college graduates. In case you don’t know, less than 50% of former foster youth graduate from high school and 80% end up homeless. Only 3% will continue their education past high school and of those only 1% will graduate from college. Sade’s story is so compelling she has become a highly sought after speaker. Check out her Reality clip.
This week’s focus is on your reality. What does your idealistic life look like? Have you placed limits on yourself based on what others have told you? Are other people’s opinions creating your reality?
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Word Of the Week #563: Compliment
May 23, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #563: Compliment
Compliment: an expression of praise, admiration, or congratulation.
When was the last time you paid someone a compliment? When was the last time someone paid you a compliment? Was the response (in either situation) “brushed off,” or discounted in any way?
I am a big believer in giving compliments and this week’s WOW features excerpts from “The Art of the Compliment: Everyone needs to know how to give and receive compliments,” by Hara Estroff Marano
She writes, “Compliments are one of the most extraordinary components of social life. If given right they create so much positive energy that they make things happen almost as if by magic. They ease the atmosphere around two people and kindly dispose people to each other. Of course, there is a way to give them. And, just as important, a way to receive them. And everyone needs to know how to do both.
Compliments derive from taking notice of praiseworthy situations and efforts. So they are a mark of awareness and consciousness. We need to cultivate awareness of the good developments that are all around us.
People benefit from being the objects of compliments, but we also benefit being givers of them. Recipients benefit from knowing that we notice and learning that we value them. So compliments are powerful in motivating continued efforts. People strive to do more of what brings praise from others.
Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. The art of the compliment is not only a powerful social skill; it is one of the most fundamental. You don’t need to be an expert to do it well. You just need to be genuine. If compliments are a gift from a donor, their reception is equally a gift—a return gift to the giver. How a compliment is received can invalidate both the giver and the observation that inspired it.
Sadly, too many people discount compliments. Example: someone says, “Hey, you gave a really good presentation.” And you say, “Oh, I just slapped some stuff together in five minutes.” Such answers instantly suck the positivity out of the air and deflate the donor. They make the giver feel stupid for noticing and commenting on something so unworthy of praise. They totally invalidate the person’s judgment.
There is only one way to receive a compliment—graciously, with a smile.” And by saying, “Thank you.” One thing Chris and I do every day is tell each other how much we appreciate and love each other. Compliments abound and so does the positive energy they bring! Remember, what you think you about, you bring about. The same thing applies to expressing praise, admiration, and congratulation.
This week’s focus is on giving and receiving compliments. Who is worthy of praise long overdue? Who deserves to hear what a great job they’ve done? How many “gifts of love” could you give? How would it make you feel to have others know you value them?
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Word Of the Week #562: Practice
May 13, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #562: Practice
Practice: doing something repeatedly in order to acquire or polish a skill.
Have you ever played on a sports team? How well did you do? Did your team win any championships or titles? How much time was devoted to practice?
This week’s WOW is the second part on interviewing from Laszlo Bocks book “Work Rules.” He writes, “Most of what we think is “interviewing” is actually the pursuit of confirmation bias. Most interviews are a waste of time because 99.4 percent of the time is spent trying to confirm whatever impression the interviewer formed in the first ten seconds.
The fact that most of us don’t know how to interview well is a huge opportunity. Because that weakness lets you control the encounter. It lets you win. Here’s Bock’s other three tips:
Prove yourself. Every question should be answered with a story that proves you can do what you’re being asked about. “How do you lead?” should be answered with “I’m a collaborative/decisive/whatever leader. Let me tell you about the time I ….” Always tell a story or have facts to prove you are what you say you are.
Read the room. All that brainpower you’re not using to desperately come up with answers to questions? Look around. Focus on the interviewer. In the first 10 seconds, is there anything in their office, or about them, you can notice and use to forge a connection? A book on a shelf? A family photo? A painting? Read the interviewer: is their body language open or closed? Are they tired and should you try to pep them up? Do they like your answer or should you veer in another direction?
Make it to Carnegie Hall. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice. Same goes for getting a job. When I was in my second year of business school, I practiced my interview answers — out loud — until I could tell each story smoothly, without thinking about it (but not so smoothly that I was bored with the re-telling). My roommate walked in one day to find me sitting on the futon reciting why I thought I was a great leader again and again. He figured I was stuck in some kind of self-help loop. But I got 7 job offers from 5 companies (that’s another story) and was on track to get another 6 before I stopped interviewing. How is that possible? Practice.
Everyone deserves an amazing job. I hope this helps you get one.
This week is all about practice. How good are you at telling stories about your accomplishments? How good are you at focusing your attention on someone? How about reading body language? How would it feel to practice landing your perfect job or getting the raise you’ve earned?
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Word Of the Week #561: Advantage
May 7, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #561: Advantage
Advantage: superior or more favorable position or power.
Let’s assume you’ve got an awesome resume. Now you’ve got the interview. How do you convince the person on the other side of the table to hire you? How do you win the interview? You use the fact that most of us aren’t very good at interviewing to your advantage.
This week’s WOW is a follow up on interviewing from Laszlo Bock’s book “Work Rules.” He writes “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” was the tagline for a Head & Shoulders shampoo ad campaign in the 1980s. This unfortunately encapsulates how most interviews work. In other words, most of what we think is “interviewing” is actually the pursuit of confirmation bias. Most interviews are a waste of time because 99.4 percent of the time is spent trying to confirm whatever impression the interviewer formed in the first ten seconds. “Tell me about yourself.” “What is your greatest weakness?” “What is your greatest strength?” Worthless.
But if you’re a job seeker (and who isn’t?), the fact that most of us don’t know how to interview well is a huge opportunity. Because that weakness lets you control the encounter. It lets you win. Here’s Bock’s first three tips on how:
Predict the future. You can anticipate 90% of the interview questions you’re going to get. Three of them are listed above, but it’s an easy list to generate. “Why do you want this job?” “What’s a tough problem you’ve solved?” If you can’t think of any, Google “most common interview questions.” Write down the top 20 questions you think you’ll get.
Plan your attack. For EVERY question, write down your answer. Yes, it’s a pain to actually write something. It’s hard and frustrating. But it makes it stick in your brain. That’s important. You want your answers to be automatic. You don’t want to have to think about your answers during an interview. Why not? Keep reading.
Have a backup plan. Actually, for every question, write down THREE answers. Why three? You need to have a different, equally good answer for every question because the first interviewer might not like your story. You want the next interviewer to hear a different story. That way they can become your advocate.
This week focus on your advantage. Have you ever prepared for an interview by anticipating the questions being asked? Have you ever written your answers out so you were prepared? Have you ever had an interviewer not like one of your answers? How did you recover?
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FUN-travel: Wine Tasting – Trip Recap
May 6, 2015 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: Wine Tasting – Trip Recap
Rock Star Patrick
Cute, Cuter, Cutest!
- Lodi, Sutter Creek, Murphys – now that we’ve stayed at 2 out of 3 – Sutter Creek would be a definite if we come back.
- Accommodations ranged from $100 to $150 – lunches ranged from $10 to $45 – dinners ranged from $75 to $150 including wine. (that crab is not cheap)
- Cell service was spotty in the foothills which I had no problem with!
Wine tasting – we loved the “unpretentiousness” of all the places we visited – many didn’t charge or waived the fee in lieu of buying a bottle – we share one tasting when visiting multiple wineries – wine clubs saved us 20% to 40% + no shipping
- All in all, we made a good haul – good thing we brought the truck!
Rock Star Colin
- Cute, Cuter, Cutest! – The best part was seeing our Rock Stars & Pinewood Derby Queen!