WOW Word-Of-the-Week #399: Regret
March 27, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #399: Regret
Regret – a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.
Do you wish anything in your life were different? Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Do you ever feel disappointed about choices you have or have not made?
Bill Marvin, the Restaurant Doctor, recently featured excerpts from Bronnie Ware’s book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.” In his weekly House Call he wrote, “An article like this may seem a bit out of place, but the reason I do what I do is to help improve your quality of life. Some of that is professional and some — like this piece — is more personal. Her observations really had me reflecting on my own habits (particularly #2) and I’m making some adjustments while I still can.”
I am going to share the five most common regrets in my next three WOW’s
Bronnie Ware says, “For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
This week’s focus is on regret. Is it time to make some adjustments? Are you living your life based on someone else’s expectations? What would it take for you to fulfill those dreams you have put off?
Reader Responses
“A lot of my friends refer to me as “lucky” because of how I live ( on the water in winter in Yelapa, at Lake Tahoe in the summer). And because I retired at 52. Luck has nothing to do with it. Luck is preparedness meeting opportunity. It’s a matter of making choices after you figure out what you want. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have done some things differently given a second chance, but I have remarkably few regrets, now that I think about it. I think some famous American Indian said “Today is a good day to die”. Pretty much sums up how I feel.” – Bob
“Great word. After my younger brother died at age 37, I told my wife that I had no regrets because I had always made sure that he was a part of my life. I always made sure that we attended college basketball games, concerts and other events. And I made it a point to always remember him on his birthday and call on a regular basis. To me, these were the basics in a sibling relationship that was affected by our age differences. I always enjoyed talking to him and hearing his point of view. When he did leave this world, I could look back positively on the times we shared, and I could truly say that I had no regrets. Maybe that is why I was able to stay strong for my wife and family at the funeral and eulogize his life in an upbeat way. It was hard, but because I did not have any regrets, it was a lot easier. Like anyone else in life, I wish some things had worked out differently, but I have always had the feeling that I made the most of every opportunity in my life. The one important point in your piece was the importance of health. While I have never won the lottery in my life, I always feel that my health is my million dollars. The good health that I have will allow me to do many things in the balance of my life. Finally, acceptance of life on life’s terms is so important. Not having that acceptance makes living difficult. I am so grateful for it. Thanks, Susan. Have a wonderful Easter. Take care.” – “Warrior” Joe
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #398: Resentment
March 22, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #398: Resentment
Resentment – anger, bitterness, or ill will.
Have you had an emotionally disturbing experience that you seem to keep reliving in your mind? Do you have a habit of accepting negative treatment without voicing any protest? Do you feel that your achievements go unrecognized, while others succeed without working as hard?
Once again I received one of S T E V E ‘ S….3 – M I N U T E…. C O A C H I N G emails and thought it was very profound. He writes, “What an experience resentment is. A roller coaster ride of emotions. A depletion of energy. An internal journey to….where?
We’re all familiar with anger. It’s loud, clear, and easily felt. Getting on top of, and handling, anger is a well-known life improver. Resentment is subtler than anger and its presence is frequently overlooked.
The essence of resentment is that it is totally an ‘inside job.’ No matter what happens on the outside — what ‘they’ do — when you are 
experiencing resentment it is by your own hand. This may seem a harsh assessment to you, but think about it for a moment.
Feeling resentment means you are sitting in judgment, tapping into your deepest internal programming about what you think is right and wrong, and are choosing (sure, it’s unconscious, but it’s a choice nonetheless) to experience a physical and emotional reaction. The cost of the feeling of resentment is thus totally borne by you. The outer world changes not at all.
The good news is that when you become conscious of experiencing resentment you become at choice as to whether you want to continue to pay the price. Simple awareness can lead to you letting go of resentment. It serves no useful purpose to keep it.
Coaching Point: Do you resent hearing this?
Copyright 2012 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.
Interestingly I found this on Wikipedia, “Robert C. Solomon, a professor of continental philosophy at the University of Texas at Austin, places resentment on the same line-continuum with contempt and anger. According to him, the differences between the three emotions are as follows: resentment is directed towards higher-status individuals, anger is directed towards equal-status individuals and contempt is directed towards lower-status individuals.”
This week’s focus is on resentment. Do you ever feel used or taken advantage of by others? Are you harboring any ill will for someone? Did you know that resentment does not have any direct negative effects on the person resented? If it serves no useful purpose to keep it, wouldn’t it be easy for you to let go of your resentment?
Reader Responses
“Forgive to be free. Forget you have forgiven to be freer.” – Bob
FUN-travel: Caribbean: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Bridgetown, Barbados to Castries, St. Lucia
March 16, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: Caribbean: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Bridgetown, Barbados to Castries, St. Lucia
Day 40 – Wednesday, March 14 – Castries, St. Lucia – Sunrise 5:32 – Sunset 5:59 – clouds & sun, occasional sprinkles feel great – high 80’s
- Bad News – 6:45 wake up
- Good News – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- 8:10 – Excursion – Catamaran
- Bad News – more hurry up & wait
- 8:40 – board Catamaran
- Good News – rum punch & snacks served aboard!
- 10:30 – swim stop
- 11:15 – depart for Soufriere
- 11:30 – 1st stop – botanical gardens & waterfall
- 2nd stop – lunch – BBQ typical of island – chicken, beans, rice
- 3rd stop – drive through volcano – really cool! see multiple hot spots – bubbling mud w/strong sulfur smell & smoke rising
- 2:00 – return to ship
- Bad News – bus ride back – no A/C – windy, bumpy road – takes 90 min
- Good News – 4:00 Happy Hour Sail Away w/band on deck
Local Shop
FF (FUN-fact) – St. Lucia has won the “World’s Leading Honeymoon Destination” award for five consecutive years.
FUN-travel: South America: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Devils Island, French Guiana to Bridgetown, Barbados
March 16, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: South America: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Devils Island, French Guiana to Bridgetown, Barbados
Day 38 – Monday, March 12 – Day at Sea – Sunrise 5:32 – Sunset 5:59 – light fluffy clouds & lots of sun
Girl from Village on Amazon
- 8:00 – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- 8:30 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:55 – breakfast of fresh fruit on Veranda
- Bad News – Chris has a bug – coughing & sneezing
- Dinner – room service – Pizza not the same!
Day 39 – Tuesday, March 13 – Bridgetown, Barbados – Sunrise 5:32 – Sunset 5:59 – beautiful day! full sun w/light clouds, no humidity, 80’s
- Good News – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- 8:00 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:10 – Excursion – 4 X 4 – drive on island – drive through rain forest – stop @ 7 mile beach
- Lunch 12:30 – on ship outside deck
- 1:30 – 20 min walk into town
- Bad News – UNESCO site is another 3 miles
- Good News – find taxi to take us on tour, stop for pictures & back to ship for $20
Local Shop
- 4:30 – Happy Hour
- 6:30 – more happy hour
- Dinner – La Veranda – new menu – best of the best (basically both the Italian & French menus combined)
Parliament Building
FF (FUN-fact) – Bridgetown is the capital and commercial centre with a population of about 80 000.
FUN-travel: South America: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Amazon River to Devils Island, French Guiana
March 16, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on FUN-travel: South America: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Amazon River to Devils Island, French Guiana
Day 36 – Saturday, March 10 – Amazon River to Atlantic Ocean – Sunrise 6:24 – Sunset 6:30 – socked in w/clouds & rain
Really, Really Good Day!
Devil's Island
- 8:00 – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- 8:30 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:55 – breakfast of fresh fruit on Veranda
- Good News – 10:15 – sun breaks through!
- Lunch 12:30 – Officers BBQ – they grill & serve their favorite dishes – lots of very different ethnic dishes
- 1:00 – ice carving demonstration on pool deck
- 1:15 – swim in the Amazon w/new cruise mate friends Katie & Phillip – LOL!
Swimming in the Amazon - LOL
- 2:30 – Wine Tasting – Napa Valley – 2 Sauvignon Blancs & 2 Cabernets – Sequoia Grove is fabulous (we were there in December 2011)
- 3:30 – back to room for siesta
- 7:30 – happy hour @ favorite lounge deck 6
- Dinner – 8:00 – Signatures – another great meal! (clearly this & Prime 7 much better quality)
- 9:30 – Main Theater – Liar’s Club – consists of a 4 passenger team guessing if the 4 crew member team is lying or telling the truth – pretty good entertainment
Prison Ruins
FF (FUN-fact) – More than one-third of all species in the world live in the Amazon Rainforest. And the area stretches more than 2,100,000 square miles.
More FF – The Amazon Basin, the largest in the world, covers about 30% of South America and almost as large as the continental US.
Day 37 – Sunday, March 11 – Devil’s Island, French Guiana – Sunrise 6:36 – Sunset 6:44 – full on sun – humid, high 80’s
- 7:30 – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- Bad News – arrive at 8 am instead of 1 pm due to medical emergency
- Good News – able to shift into “planned spontaneity mode”
- 8:00 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:00 – sit & wait for tender to Island
Egret
- 9:30 – arrive – nice walk around island takes 2 hrs – see prison ruins, church, children’s cemetery – see monkey, peacocks, pig & funny little rodent called agoutis (looks like reddish guinea pig on stilts)
- Lunch – Caribbean BBQ – thank god for the pizzeria!
- Bad News – Chris starts sneezing & coughing
- Good News – take siesta
- 7:00 – happy hour @ favorite lounge deck 6
- Dinner – La Veranda – French Bistro again – getting a bit boring
FF – Devil’s Island is one of three small islands clustered together lying 6-miles off the coast of French Guiana. The group is collectively known as the Salvation Islands. Royale Island was the home of one of the most infamous prisons in history. The movie Papillon was based on the story of the only prisoner that escaped. The almost in-accessible Devil’s Island held political prisoners.