Word-Of-the-Week #974: Relationship
April 6, 2023 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #974: Relationship
Relationship – a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
Have you created any new relationships in the last year? How diverse is your “social portfolio?
This week features “Why you should consider going to that high school reunion,” by San Diego UT columnist Neil Senturia.
“I have a high school reunion coming up in a few months. There is zero chance of my sharing the number, but the question is, should I go? Statistically, about 30 percent of a graduating class attend reunions. And as you all know, there is a certain self-selecting relationship here, namely that the most successful people tend to be the ones that go to the most reunions.
However, regardless of net worth, not going might be missing out on a valuable opportunity. Harvard professors Michael Norton and Alison Wood Brooks have some advice on the subject of our need for partners, acquaintances, colleagues and friends.
Their thesis is that people need to think about investments in social relationships the same way they think about stocks and bonds — the importance of diversification. Norton says that spending time with family members and close friends is “positively associated with well-being.” Save for the occasional maniac brother-in-law.
On the other hand, he says that “interactions with random strangers can sometimes make us happier than interacting with our partner or spouse.” The reason for that is you already know the buttons not to push, and all is smooth.
Norton goes on, “The variety that being with strangers provides can push us to make more of an effort and can spark new connections.” At networking events, the tendency is to gravitate to those we already know, but the potential for real value is to reach out to strangers. You have to work at participating and by effort, increasing a more diverse “social portfolio.”
There is a curmudgeonly and famous Stanford professor, Jeffrey Pfeffer, who says that “people to whom you are weakly connected are more valuable than those to whom you have strong connections.” He argues that we need to engage with “non-redundant information,” which is the kind you often get from strangers, and not from the usual suspects at the golf club or Rotary.
Now, to the crux of the matter of the reunion. Here is the story. Two members of my graduating class of 65 boys, (no girls, which explains everything, but that is for another column) decided to ask the members to recount their lives since high school, and they gathered about 50 mini autobiographies. They published them in a small book. (New York Times best-seller list, fear not.)
Rule No. 218: Grand passion and relentless pursuit will take you further than good grades.
The distribution of stories was fascinating. As you would suspect, the guy who was the genius became a famous eye doctor, the guy who was a member of the lucky sperm club bought a baseball team, but the “road less traveled guys,” the ones who did not excel academically, who didn’t win any awards or notice during their stay, pleasantly surprised me. Even the ones who had ignored or tormented me.
When I read about their lives, many of them ended up successful and happy. Not Wall Street titans and not captains of industry, but fulfilled, with wives, partners, children. The stuff of life. Their stories had a balance of enough economic success with a wide diversity of life choices and experiences. They were at peace with their journey.
At one of the earlier reunions, I spent a lot of time with a couple of these “not my gang” folks, and their thoughts on multiple topics fascinated me. I was not listening in an echo chamber. I was pushed out of my comfort zone. I came away from the interactions surprisingly feeling better about the world and the people in it.
The point being made by both Norton and Pfeffer is that we need to create interactions that are both “old acquaintances” as well as the local barista, the person at the library, the construction worker on your street.
Norton says, “an hour here or there” will surprise you and add some happiness. Personally, I love the random interaction. I can learn a person’s whole life story in a ride down an elevator (high rise), if I ask the right question and listen.
And as to that reunion, I am going. There are a couple of jerks I am looking forward to seeing again and rubbing their nose in it.
“When I was in junior high school, the teachers voted me the student most likely to end up in the electric chair,” — Sylvester Stallone.
This week is all about relationships. Have you ever had an interaction with a random stranger that sparked a new connection? Has there ever been a time that you were pushed out of your comfort zone and actually came away with a positive feeling? How many investments have you made in social relationships over the past year?
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Word Of the Week #530: Relationship
October 2, 2014 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #530: Relationship
Relationship – a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
How well do you handle relationships at work? How good are you at reading your co-workers or staffs reactions or feelings? Would you say you are good at dealing with disputes?
This is the follow up to last week’s WOW and the final one from Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence. The 5th key quality needed is social or interpersonal intelligence. It is the ability to handle relationships, which in large part is, the ability to manage the emotions of others.
He writes, “Social intelligence allows us to connect with people quite smoothly, be astute about reading their reactions and feelings, lead and organize, and handle the disputes that are bound to flare up in any human activity.
The Four Components are:
- Organizing Groups – the essential skill of the leader, this involves initiating and coordination the efforts of a network of people. This is the talent seen in theater directors or producers, in military officers, and in effective heads organizations and units of all kinds.
- Negotiating Solutions – the talent of the mediator, preventing conflicts or resolving those that flare up. People who have this ability excel in deal making, arbitrating or mediating disputes; they might have a career in diplomacy, in law, or as middlemen or mangers of takeovers.
- Personal Connection – the art of relationship, easy to enter into an encounter or to recognize and respond fittingly to people’s feelings and concerns. Such people make good “team players,” dependable spouses, good friends or business partners; in the business world they do well as salespeople or managers, or can be excellent teachers.
- Social Analysis – being able to detect and have insights about people’s feelings, motives, and concerns. This knowledge of how others feel can lead to an easy intimacy or sense of rapport.
These people are the natural leaders and are the kind of people others like to be with because they are emotionally nourishing – they leave other people in a good mood, and evoke the comment, “What a pleasure to be around someone like that.”
This week’s focus is on your relationships. Would you say you are a good team player? Are you a natural leader? How good are you at negotiating solutions? Do you easily connect with people you meet? Are you a pleasure to be around?
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WOW Word-Of-the-Week #305: Relationship
June 1, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #305: Relationship
Relationship – a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection).
Do you spend time with your co-workers outside of work? Do you find your personal relationships satisfying? Do you feel you spend enough time with your friends and family?
Connecting with Family & Friends
The final part of Robert Masello’s article for the Parade Magazine titled, “Make Happiness Happen” deals with relationships. Tal Ben-Shahar the author of “Happier” says, “The No. 1 predictor for general well-being is not money or prestige but the time we spend with those who are near and dear to us. Enjoying close and intimate relationships with those we care about and who care about us is an absolute prerequisite to happiness. But it’s precisely these relationships that suffer most in our hectic modern life.”
Did you happen to see the PBS special titled “This Emotional Life?” One of the key points they listed was the importance of having a strong network of friends, social life, and morals. One of the interviewees said that, “A successful marriage consists of healthy doses of lust, laughter & loyalty.” Larry David the creator of Seinfeld and Curb your Enthusiasm said, “If you don’t like your job and you’re not having sex, you’re probably not very happy.”
Those two quotes really resonated with me. How about you? This week focus on your relationships. Make a list of the happiest times of your life. Do they include your close friends and family? When was the last time you experienced an emotional connection? If you didn’t spend time over this past holiday weekend with family and friends make a date to do it soon!
Readers Responses
“I agree 100 % with you Sooz ! Life is great ! It is what we make it! Hugs” – Katie
“This is my favorite one!” – Lurene
“The word relationship is certainly an apropos choice given the latest news of the separation of Al and Tipper Gore after 40 years of marriage. Some of the newspaper analysis noted that most couples have ironed out most of their difficulties at this stage of their lives. But apparently the distractions in Mr. Gore’s work on the west coast have taken their toll on his marriage. That is too bad. Our relationships are what helps us grow in our lives. And these include personal and professional. As I have grown older I realize the added importance of having family and friends around. I found Larry David’s characterization too simple. There is more to life than jobs and sex. The most important part of relationships I have found is simply sharing. Sharing with friends and family and co-workers. Speaking of co-workers, I spend more time with co-workers who are no longer with the company. The reason being is that many of the people I work with are about 20 years younger than I am. And many of them live a good distance from me. So, my contact with co-workers is primarily at work. Without relationships we are empty. I have mentioned in previous posts that we don’t walk through this world alone, and having people in our lives helps us in all aspects. Thank you, Susan. A great word. Relationships make the world go round. Take care.” Joe