Word-Of-the-Week #976: Emotional Intelligence
April 20, 2023 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #976: Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence –AKA EQ is the ability to identify and understand emotions — both your own and the emotions of others.
Did you know that it’s you EQ not your IQ that counts? Did you know that your IQ gets you hired but that your EQ gets you promoted?
This week features the first half of “If you use these 13 phrases every day, you have higher emotional intelligence ‘than most people’: Psychology experts say,” by Kathy and Ross Petras, Contributors at Makeit.com.
“Do you have a knack for connecting with people? Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and understand emotions — both your own and the emotions of others.
Research has shown that this is a rare and valuable asset. Emotional intelligence can help you build and strengthen relationships, defuse conflict, and improve overall job satisfaction.
Psychology experts say that if you use these 13 phrases every day without even thinking about it, you have higher emotional intelligence than most people:
- “Could you tell me more about that?”
People who lack self-awareness only care about their own thoughts and opinions. But emotionally intelligent people are interested in how others feel and what they have to say.
Communicate in a way that encourages people to talk about their feelings and experiences, and use their responses as a learning opportunity.
- “I hear you.”
By telling someone that you understand them, you set up a cooperative environment perfect for team-building.
Other similar phrases like “I see what you mean” and “I get what you’re driving at” signal that you’re truly listening and opens up the lines of communication.
- “I understand what you’re saying, but…”
This phrase highlights another important aspect of emotional intelligence: the ability to act diplomatically when dealing with difficult people and situations.
If you disagree with someone, express it in a tactful, non-confrontational way. The goal is to make it easier to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution.
- “How do you feel about that?”
To make people feel acknowledged and respected, pay attention and take time to understand and empathize with them. As you listen, make an effort to put yourself in their shoes in a meaningful way.
- “I’m not sure what’s wrong. Could you explain the problem?”
With this phrase, you know that someone is having an issue, and instead of reacting negatively, you invite them to share their thoughts.
Similar alternatives: “Can you clarify that for me?” or “What I’m hearing from you is that [X]. Is that right?”
- “What do you mean?”
When you ask someone for clarification, you are asking them to say something in a different way or provide more information so that you understand them better. This is different from asking a person to repeat something.
This week’s focus is on Emotional Intelligence. Are you interested in how others feel and what they have to say? Would you like to build and strengthen relationships, defuse conflict, and improve your overall job satisfaction?
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Word Of the Week #606: Accountable
March 17, 2016 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #606: Accountable
Accountable – responsible for the outcome or decision that you make.
Do you care about results more than your image or ego? Can you treat rude and cruel people with the same kindness you extend to anyone else? How well do you handle deadlines that are unreasonable?
This is the third of Travis Bradberry’s Forbes article, “11 Signs You Have The Grit You Need To Succeed.” He writes, “Grit is that “extra something” that separates the most successful people from the rest. It’s the passion, perseverance, and stamina that we must channel in order to stick with our dreams until they become a reality.
Developing grit is all about habitually doing the things that no one else is willing to do. There are quite a few signs that you have grit, and if you aren’t doing the following on a regular basis, you should be.
- You have to meet deadlines that are unreasonable and deliver results that exceed expectations. Successful people find a way to say yes and still honor their existing commitments. They know the best way to stand out from everyone else is to outwork them. For this reason, they have a tendency to over deliver, even when they over promise.
- You have to focus on the details even when it makes your mind numb. Nothing tests your grit like mind-numbing details, especially when you’re tired. The more people with grit are challenged, the more they dig in and welcome that challenge, and numbers and details are no exception to this.
- You have to be kind to people who have been rude to you. When people treat you poorly, it’s tempting to stoop to their level and return the favor. People with grit don’t allow others to walk all over them, but that doesn’t mean they’re rude to them, either. Instead, they treat rude and cruel people with the same kindness they extend to anyone else, because they won’t allow another person’s negativity to bring them down.
- You have to be accountable for your actions, no matter what. People are far more likely to remember how you dealt with a problem than they are how you created it in the first place. By holding yourself accountable, even when making excuses is an option, you show that you care about results more than your image or ego.
Bringing It All Together
Grit is as rare as it is important. The good news is any of us can get grittier with a little extra focus and effort.”
This week’s focus is to be accountable. How many times have you delivered results that exceeded expectations? Are you able to stay focused when the details become mind-numbing? How good are you at dealing with problems that you may have created? Are you willing to habitually doing the things that no one else is willing to do?
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Word Of the Week #603: Perspective
February 25, 2016 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #603: Perspective
Perspective – your mental view or outlook.
Are events that happen ever skewed due to your perception? How often are you aware of your breathing? How good are you at asking for help?
This is the last part from “How Successful People Stay Calm,” written by Travis Bradberry. He writes, “The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.
- They Reframe Their Perspective
Stress and worry are fueled by our own skewed perception of events. It’s easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we’re so stressed all the time. You can’t control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something, take a minute to put the situation in perspective. If you aren’t sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor. If you’re thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as “Everything is going wrong” or “Nothing will work out,” then you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.
- They Breathe
The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you’re feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe in and out. This sounds simple, but it’s hard to do for more than a minute or two. It’s all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don’t worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.
This task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but you’ll be surprised by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently inside your brain.
- They Use Their Support System
It’s tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. This means tapping into your support system when a situation is challenging enough for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon.
This week’s focus is perspective. How effective are you at responding instead of reacting to circumstances not in your control? Have you ever just sat and focused on your breathing to calm down? How many people can you count on in your support system?
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Word Of the Week #602: Refresh
February 16, 2016 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #602: Refresh
Refresh – to revive or reinvigorate.
How much caffeine do you consume each day? How much sleep do you get each night? Do you ever take naps? How do you keep negative self-talk from becoming all consuming?
This is part three from “How Successful People Stay Calm,” written by Travis Bradberry. He writes, “The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.
- They Limit Their Caffeine Intake
Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight-or-flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyperaroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent, as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body.
- They Sleep
I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Stressful 
projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night’s sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.
- They Squash Negative Self-Talk
A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things your inner voice says, it’s time to stop and write them down. Literally stop what you’re doing and write down what you’re thinking. Once you’ve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.
You can bet that your statements aren’t true any time you use words like “never,” “worst,” “ever,” etc. If your statements still look like facts once they’re on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain’s natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.
This week’s focus is how to refresh. Does drinking caffeine ever make you feel tense and on edge? Are you making sure you are getting enough sleep every night? How often does your inner voice engage in negative self-talk? Have you ever taken time to separate your thoughts from the facts at hand?
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Word Of the Week #601: Disconnect
February 11, 2016 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word Of the Week #601: Disconnect
Disconnect – detaching yourself from work-related communication.
How often is your phone out of sight? Have you ever spent a weekend without internet or phone access? Do you feel “you have to” be connected 24/7?
This is part two from “How Successful People Stay Calm,” written by Travis Bradberry. He writes, “The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.
- They Avoid Asking “What If?”
“What if?” statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time you’ll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking “what if? will only take them to a place they don’t want—or need—to go.
- They Stay Positive
Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can’t think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you’re looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you’re ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.
- They Disconnect
Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it’s easy to see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.
Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment. If detaching yourself from work-related communication on weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend? Choose blocks of time where you cut the cord and go offline. You’ll be amazed at how refreshing these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental recharge into your weekly schedule. If you’re worried about the negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at times when you’re unlikely to be contacted—maybe Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your coworkers begin to accept the time you spend offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from technology.
This week’s focus is making time to disconnect. How would it feel to designate time each day and detach yourself from work-related communication? Are you worried about possible negative repercussions if you did that? Do you have something positive that you can shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative?
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