Word-Of-the-Week #1046: Likable
August 22, 2024 by Susan Clarke
Likable – having qualities that bring about a favorable regard: pleasant, agreeable.
How would you rate yourself on being pleasant and agreeable? Do you have a need to be in control of other people?
This week Bill Marvin, The Restaurant Doctor shared this “10 Things Incredibly Likable People Never, Ever Do (and Why You Love Them for It)” What you do can make you extremely likable. So can what you choose not to do, by Jeff Haden from Inc. I’m featuring the first half.
Some people are incredibly likable because of the things they do. Some people are incredibly charismatic because of the things they do.
And some people are incredibly likable because of the things they don’t do.
If you know someone who possesses the following qualities, share this with them—and also tell them how much you appreciate the fact they are in your life.
- They don’t blame.
Friends make mistakes. Employees don’t meet your expectations. Vendors don’t deliver on time.
So you blame them for your problems.
But you’re also to blame. Maybe you didn’t provide enough training. Maybe you didn’t build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon. Maybe you weren’t as good a friend as you could have been.
Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn’t masochistic; it’s empowering, because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time.
And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.
- They don’t control.
Yeah, you’re the boss. Yeah, you’re the titan of industry. Yeah, you’re the small tail that wags a huge dog.
Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you’ve decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs.
Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure—none of those let you feel good about yourself.
Find people who want to go where you’re going. They’ll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships.
And all of you will be happier.
- They don’t try to impress.
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all “things.” People may like your things, but that doesn’t mean they like you.
Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship.
Genuine relationships make you happier, and you’ll form genuine relationships only when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.
- They don’t cling.
When you’re afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn’t particularly good for you.
An absence of fear or insecurity isn’t happiness; it’s just an absence of fear or insecurity.
Holding on to what you think you need won’t make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will.
Even if you don’t succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.
- They don’t interrupt.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you’re saying; I’m listening to you so I can decide what I want to say.”
Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say.
They’ll love you for it—and you’ll love how that makes you feel.
This week’s focus is being likable. Do you take responsibility when things don’t go as planned? Are you a good listener? Do you have genuine relationships and comfortable being just your true self?
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