WOW Word-Of-the-Week #380: Upsets
November 16, 2011 by Susan Clarke
Upsets – things that cause mental or emotional distress.
When you become upset are you aware of what has triggered it? Are you able to process that and then easily let it go? Or do you have a tendency to let it bother you for a long period of time?
Once again I want to share a great e-mail from Steve Straus who sends out S T E V E ‘ S….3 – M I NU T E…. C O A C H I N G. He writes, “Today’s Topic – PRINCIPLE: Carrying Upsets (Principles are basic truths that, when applied, cause success to come to you easier and quicker.)”
“We have a tendency to get upset over different things – relationships, money, clients, our jobs, our surroundings, etc. It’s easy for most people to get upset. There may even have been times when you have gotten upset more than once in a day. ”
“The issue around upset is not whether you have it, but how long you carry it. To be upset is not unusual. Unfortunately, for many people it’s also not unusual to carry their upset around and have it negatively influence the rest of their day. ”
“The trick is to catch yourself being upset. That is, to notice how you’re feeling while you’re feeling it instead of being unconscious to it and having the upset run your life. Either it’s in charge or you are. ”
“By the way, upset is a great teacher which shows you what you might need to change in your life. Viewed from that perspective, you may even thank the upset for showing up! ”
“Coaching Point: What can you do to start quickly catching yourself in upset so that you have the choice of letting it go?”
This week’s focus is on upsets. With the Holidays quickly approaching this seemed like the perfect time to share this. Do you have family members that cause you distress? How about regular customers, guests, members or clients? Have you ever become upset by a complete stranger? Don’t let other people’s behavior negatively affect you and you’ll have a FUN Holiday!
Reader Responses
“To be honest I always thought the word upset misleading. Wouldn’t “downset” be more accurate? After all whenever we use the word it’s always related to a “downer” crisis or bad news.” – John
“We are human and will therefore be susceptible to upsets. They happen. If I have learned anything in my short time on this planet, it is to allow myself to feel the upset. Usually I will recognize it and express what I am feeling. Once I get it out of my system, it’s over, and I move on. That is how my wife and I deal with upsets in our families. The key for us is that we do not let that upset carry over to the next day. We deal with it, explain how we feel, figure out how we will deal with it, and then move on. Sometimes my wife does not like how I express the upset, but she knows how I am feeling. I usually say to Kristen: “You will know when I am upset or mad. Because I will tell you.” I will not fly off the handle at home or at work. Expressing anger, especially verbally, can be inappropriate. I have worked hard not to take out upsets or anger on others. And it does take work. But I have achieved a semblance of sanity even when the upsets can be hard to bear. My 10-year-old asked me week ago why I don’t react to situations like my wife does. I told her that because I am 11 years older than her mother, I have seen and experienced many more difficult situations personally and professionally, and have learned how to deal with people in those situations. Thus, I do not get worked up over things that are small like accidents that are really no one’s fault. I just try to roll with the punches as best as possible and NOT REACT. REACTING or OVERREACTING is how the molehills become the mountains. I finished my explanation by telling my daughter, “It gets better.” A problem many people have is that when upsets occur the response is, “Why does it always happen to me?” They are so wrapped up in their lives that they can’t see the forest for the trees. Not having control is a problem also. If these people who caused this upset would have just done things MY WAY, this never would have happened in the first place! WHY ME? WHY ME? WHY ME? If things don’t improve, then resentments begin to form. And, as we all know, resentments are a killer. But, it does get better. Thanks for the word, Susan. Take care. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.” – “Warrior” Joe